Good morning and greetings, Super Bowl fans. I’m posting this blog before yesterday’s big game, because I will probably be too emotionally incapacitated afterwards, as a result of avocado intake and all the other culinary delights that go along with watching a commercial-filled slug fest that takes six hours long to complete.
Now speaking of avocados, I don’t want to say that my fellow Americans are in love with this smooth, creamy fleshy fruit of the Gods, but when the nation sits down and knock backs over 100 million pounds of this spherical wonder, accompanied by 10 trillion pounds of chips, there is truly something special happening.
We’re talking about 80 million avocados being consumed per hour during the Super Bowl, which according to my calculations, is enough to fill a football field 12 feet deep.
And best of all, a new study from the Guacamole Institute of Technology says an avocado a day can significantly lower your cholesterol. I’m down for at least one a day. They’re full of nutrients, healthy fats, and will reduce the risk of heart disease while leaving your hair feeling silky smooth and shining soft.
We’re making this country a healthier and better place by putting away mounds of guacamole dip, one scoop at a time. That’s American culinary ingenuity at its finest.
Moving on, the National Chicken Council estimates that Americans consumed over 1.25 billion chicken wings on Sunday, in a sea of barbecue, ranch dressing and blue cheese dipping sauces that could fill the Panama Canal. Now if you were to line up the wings end-to-end, and who hasn’t wanted to do that in their lifetime, there would be enough to circle the Grand Canyon 120 times or to place 572 on every seat in all 32 NFL stadiums.Talk about painting a picture with words. Just don’t forget the napkins.
Now there’s a recent study from the University of Illinois that suggests that the reason our youth of America are so fat is because they are consuming too much pepperoni and cheese, the main ingredients in this wonderful flat bread we call pizza.
We’re talking about young children pounding down extra grams of fat, milligrams of salt along with hundreds of extra calories leading to an obesity epidemic. Holy ham and sausage, Batman.
Now to me, pizza can do no wrong. Growing up in New Jersey, I worshiped at the Temple of Pizza King. I bowed down to their slices, consisting of rich tomato sauce and fresh mozzarella cheese on a crisp, thin crust. Each bite was a heavenly delight.
Well, yesterday, the pizza boys were going at it full throttle, as 12.5 millions pizza were delivered to homes and prisons in America. And our armed forces were not forgotten, as 5,000 pies were flown over to Afghanistan so that every soldier could have a taste of the old country while watching the championship game.
I just hope they watched out for those snipers at halftime, although I hear the Taliban are big fans of Katy Perry. And yes, she was fully inflated at halftime.
But here is the biggest surprise and it’s a shocker. According to my vegan sources, the number one food ingested in America on Super Bowl Sunday was vegetables. What? Hey, is someone pulling my lariat?
No, it’s twue, it’s twue. While 100 million people are watching the game and plowing through the nuclear nachos, chili fries, jalapena poppers and enough beer to fill Hoover Dam, there are 200 other million Americans not viewing the contest. To them, it’s just another Sunday night, as they go about sitting down to their dinners and eating their brussel sprouts, green beans and zucchini sticks.
It seems vegetables dominate the landscape on Super Bowl Sunday. Or in the words of humorist Will Rogers, “An onion can make people cry, but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”So yesterday, as football fans, we consumed our fair share of carbs, sugar and alcohol. That’s the American way. So damn the calories, as for one day, we came together as a nation and ignored our collective weight on the scale.
Now for some football humor. During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?” “I did,” said the centipede. “Who stopped the rhino?” “Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede. “And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede. “So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach. “Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”
For today’s photo parade, we are going back to the evening of January 10. I was shooting from the cliffs along West Cliff Drive at Stockton Avenue, as the sky turned various shades of orange as the crowds looked on. But what delighted me was the view south, as beautiful pink clouds filled the sky and cast their reflection over Monterey Bay. Just a beautiful sight on a January night.
On to a little late night humor. “Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.” – Jimmy Fallon “The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they’ve haven’t seen a whiteout like this since last week’s Oscar nominations.” – Conan O’Brien”
“They’re talking’ about the blizzard-like conditions in New York City. A big question all the New Yorkers have, and they’re talking three or four feet of snow, is: How will the Chinese food delivery get through? More bad news for the New England Patriots. The NFL now has video of those deflated footballs alone in an elevator with Ray Rice. In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three or four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?” – David Letterman
So birthday wishes go out on Thursday to my longtime friend and confidante, Nancy Mager, who celebrates the big 60 this year. My former blog editor, who can make baked ziti sing, is currently residing in Nashville, but I know her heart belongs to California.
And next Sunday to my favorite mother, who is still smiling after all these year, and can remember when dinosaurs roamed the earth. More on her next week.
We’ll catch you putting up great numbers this season and deserving of an all-star selection, but not being named to the western conference team. Aloha, mahalo and later, Damian Lillard fans.
How is it possible that we never saw or heard of an avocado growing up? Were they not allowed to cross the Mississippi? Is it because Green Giant didn’t put them in a can?
Comment by Marshawn Lynch — February 2, 2015 @ 11:38 am