Good morning and greetings, Cinderella story fans. Is it just me, or has this early spring weather been wild and crazy? Torrential rains, howling winds, mud slides, water slides, downed trees, flash flooding, and that’s just in my driveway. So with springtime in the air, I just prance through the raindrops with a little extra hop in my step and a little more snap in my heels. Basically, I’m just river dancing through life, for which I thank my lucky charms.

On the eastern seaboard, where I grew up to be the shell of a man I am today, last week’s weather was also very springlike. Nothing says the baseball season is just around the corner like eight inches of heavy snow, or what Charlie Sheen calls “an appetizer.”

The midwest has been hit by an assault of killer tornadoes, wildfires were raging out of control and destroying homes in Oklahoma and heading back to this coast, a rare water funnel was sighted off of Ocean Beach in San Francisco. Personally, despite my love of condensed milk and water droplets, I have never photographed this rarity in nature, although I once got a good closeup shot of a funnel cake at a county fair.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the sunrise and sunset season ended a couple of months ago, as I have not wanted to shoot anything lately except for my computer. So for March, my expectations for drama in the sky, unlike my cholesterol, has been very low, as there has been little on the spectacular front to text home about in recent years.

The exception to this unwritten rule came on the evening of March 18, 2008. I was driving around aimlessly, hoping to spot a bobcat or leprechaun at dusk, when I glanced up at a somewhat dull sky and saw an opening at the horizon. Well, being the avid photog that I profess to be, I curtailed my hunt for baby chipmunks and eager beavers and parked myself along West Cliff Drive at Stockton Avenue, which is my favorite place to let my freak flag fly.

As you can see from today’s photo lineup, this night was indescribably delicious. The formation of the clouds gave thoughts to the heavens rising or the crown of creation. It was a canvas unlike anything I had ever seen. Throughout the experience, waves of pelicans flew overhead, adding to the festivities of the occasion. I remember standing alone/together out on the point, thinking how fortunate I was to be there at that moment. It wasn’t March Madness, it was pure March Magic.

Before we move on the hilarity of the late night pundits and our Commander-in Chief addresses the nation, I must say a few words about Libya. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING? Or in the words of Jay Leno, “We’re fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we’d be fighting if President Obama hadn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize.”

As of last Wednesday, we had spent upwards of $1 BILLION dollars on the international assault to destroy Moammar Khaddafy’s air defenses and save the runnin’ rebels from likely defeat. My thought is, could that $1 BILLION have been better spent, like perhaps at home on the hungry, creating jobs or the Yankees’ starting rotation? I’m just stunned by his decision for the air strikes and picking Kansas to win it all. As my mother used tell me every day after packing my lunch box before I left for school, “Geoff, make love, not war.”

On to the late night. “No one can agree on how to spell Gadhafi’s name. He’s like the Hanukkah of dictators.” –Jimmy Kimmel “According to reports, Khadafy is surrounded by an elite corps of female bodyguards, all of whom are virgins. In a related story, today Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.” –Conan O’Brien “They’re using high-pressure water cannons and helicopters dropping seawater to try to cool down the reactor. And they say if that works, they’re going to try that here on Charlie Sheen.” –Bill Maher

“Sarah Palin visited Israel. As if the Jews have not suffered enough. She says she’s very excited to visit the Wailing Wall, because whaling is illegal in Alaska.”–Jay Leno “On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they’re apologizing all the time. They responded saying, ‘Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'” –Conan O’Brien ”
Sarah Palin visited the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. There was an awkward moment when she said, ‘So this is what keeps the Mexicans out?'” –Conan O’Brien “Sarah Palin visited Israel. She says she likes all religions, ‘whether they celebrate Christmas or Jewish.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama has to cut his trip to Latin America short because of the situation in Libya — and to check on his NCAA brackets.” –Jimmy Kimmel “A man in Texas used his obituary to ask for donations to anyone running against Obama in 2012. And then his ghost was offered a nightly show on Fox News.” –Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump says that if he’s elected, he won’t let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant. “How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he’d use Hair Force One.” –David Letterman
“According to Newsweek, 73 percent of Americans can’t say why we fought the Cold War. This sounds bad until you consider that no one in the White House can tell us why we’re fighting the Libya war. We know more about President Obama’s basketball picks than his plans for Libya.” –Jay Leno

“A problem for our military in Libya is that they can’t tell the rebels from Gadhafi’s military. The U.N. has now declared that the war be fought as ‘shirts vs. skins.'” –Conan O’Brien “Obama said we will send economic aid to Libya to help the Libyan people reach their dreams. And if that works, they’ll try it here.” –Jay Leno

“A miniscule amount of radiation from Japan reached L.A. People panicked and ran out and bought gas masks and radiation suits. Then they went to the tanning salon. Rich people are buying Geiger counters. Poor people are putting bags of microwave popcorn on the windowsill. If it starts popping, get the hell out. “A South Carolina legislator introduced a bill to make it illegal for prisoners to use Facebook. They’re supposed to be doing time, not wasting it.” –Jay Leno

So that’s our last gasp for March. Hope you had a chance to catch some of the late winter storms live and in person. Last Friday, the light was spectacular on the cliff, as the sun’s rays filtered through the clouds and cast an incredible light upon the huge waves heading towards the coast. As the rain came down, a rainbow appeared in the sky and I just had to stop and take in the moment.
As usual, I didn’t have my camera with me because of a vendetta by my computer, but that’s another story. Suffice it to say, it was a moment along the edge of the continent as beautiful as a young Elizabeth Taylor, who like myself, never feared Virginia Woolf.

So once again, keep Japan in your thoughts. What a wacky year this has been, with the shootings in Tucson, the uprising in Eygpt, the tsunami and earthquake, the war in Libya and Duke losing in the semi-finals of western regionals. I’m not even going to mention the outbreak of cholera in Haiti.

So enjoy the return of warm, sunny days and we’ll catch you in Houston for the Final Four. Aloha, mahalo and later, Derrick Williams and Shelvin Mack fans.

Good morning and greetings, Louisiana Purchase fans. Yes, despite the incessant rains, Katrina flashbacks and the shocking upset of Drew Brees and the Saints in the first round of this year’s NFL playoffs, Mardi Gras was in full swing last week in New Orleans. So to get into the true spirit of this event, I draped myself in beads and paraded around the house wearing a mask while my kids constructed a root beer float from which I could toss tiskets, taskets and a bunch of purple, green and gold baskets.

So what is this cajun-style holiday all about? Well, the words “Mardi Gras” are in the French language, right before “we surrender.” Broken down, “Mardi is the French word for Tuesday, and “Gras” means fat. So when French is translated to English, the last word spoken is the first word translated. So if this makes sense, mess amis, then we’re talking “Fat Tuesday,” which is not to be confused with “Skinny Wednesday,” “Obese Thursday,” “Rail-Thin Friday,” “Chubby Saturday” or “Ice Cream Sunday.”

The celebration of Mardi Gras goes back to an old ancient Roman custom of wild partying before a period of fast, like we do every year around my house on the day before Yom Kippur. It is believed to have come to America in 1699, right around the birth of John McCain, with French explorer Sieur d’Iberville. They started celebrating in New Orleans in 1827, when a group of philosophy students put on strange costumes and danced in the streets like wild monkeys. According to the Food Channel, the residents of New Orleans were captured by their liveliness and offered to sponsor them in a semester overseas studying computer graphics and dessert toppings.

Mardi Gras was originally known as Boeuf Gras, which means “Beef Fat”, which is not to be confused with my favorite criminal mastermind on the new “Hawaii Five-0,” Wo Fat. Boeuf Gras was the last feast of meat before Lent, the holiday where people traditionally go around asking to borrow money. The celebration originated in Europe and one of the customs was parading a fat ox through the streets. And if they couldn’t find one, they used Rush Limbaugh.

Mardi Gras is celebrated with a series of soft parades, in which floats are exotically decorated and are ridden by people wearing Chanel #5 and outrageous costumes. The costumed crew then throws beads and necklaces to the crowd which they collect as souvenirs, and in a new tradition, sometimes the women’s tops come off. This is called beads gone wild.

Mardi Gras is also known as “Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Tuesday, Waffle Wednesday and French Toast Thursday.” These names came about because Mardi Gras is the last day to celebrate before the Lent period starts, and therefore one should eat up all the fattening food items which are generally prohibited during the lent period fasting, like lobster eggs benedict, double fudge chocolate cake and chicken dinosaurs.

Mardi Gras and the day before college basketball’s March Madness begins are considered to be the important days for confessions of the sins and to get your bracket picks in as the following day starts with mourning and Lent until Easter Sunday and the Final Four weekend arrives. So although Fat Tuesday is gone with the wind, I’ve still got that jambalaya spirit. Anyone have change for a French Quarter?

So believe it or not, sports fans, the 2010-11 sunrise and sunset season, much like my dreams of getting the readership of this blog into nine digits, is pretty much over. It was chow fun while it lasted, as prime time was from late October through early February. So for today’s photo train, we are journeying back to the early morning of January 13, the last semi-spectacular sunrise to grace the skies above Monterey Bay. Much like my first shampoo with coconut cream rinse, it was a day and a cleansing my subconcious won’t soon forget.

As you can see, the eastern skylights started out on a good note, and then like my wedding night, just got better and better. The fifth shot was taken on the path along West Cliff Drive. While I was snapping away, a gentlemen came along and said, “the shot you want is from across the street.” I thanked him for the photo tip and that made a mental note to remind my kids never to talk to strangers, unless they were holding a seance or a camera.

Now, in my full-court defense, I have only been shooting from this spot around Lighthouse Point since the beginning of time, so this angle would have come to me somewhere before Medicaid. Anyway, my thanks to that gentlemen, who inspired the final and my favorite shot of this six pack, which I am pretty pleased to share with the thousands, er, hundreds of dedicated Sunrise Santa Cruz cyber constituents.

On to the late night. “Mexican President Calderon told President Obama that the United States must do more to reduce the demand for drugs. Obama said, “We got Charlie Sheen off cocaine. What more do you want us to do?”–Jay Leno “Charlie Sheen is planning a humanitarian trip to Haiti. He says he wants to show them what a real disaster looks like. Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to “Terminator.” In this one, he travels back in time and kills the person that suggested he run for governor.”–Conan O’Brien

“In a new interview, Newt Ginrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, ‘Please rise for the pledge of allegiance.'” –Conan O’Brien “Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is a man who cheated on his first wife and left her while she was in bed with cancer. Then he cheated on his second wife with his current, third wife. I don’t think actual newts are this slimy.” –Bill Maher “Republican Presidential hopeful Mike Hucka-BS is attacking actress Natalie Portman for getting pregnant without being married. It could get a little awkward if he runs into Sarah and Bristol Palin at Fox News.” –Jay Leno

“Julianne Moore is going to play Sarah Palin in a new HBO movie. Julianne said, ‘But I know nothing about politics,’ and the producers said, ‘Perfect!'” –Craig Ferguson “A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in an overhead compartment. To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat.” –Conan O’Brien “Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag.” –Stephen Colbert

“Women who drink are less likely to be obese than women who do not drink. All this time, you’ve been on Jenny Craig while you should have been on Johnny Walker.” –Jay Leno “Donald Trump denies that he’s pretending to run for president to gain publicity for his TV show. He says that anyone that says is this is clearly an “apprentice,” and they deserve to be fired on Thursday at 9:00. According to Forbes, the richest man in the world is from Mexico. It turns out he’s Oprah’s gardener.” –Conan O’Brien

So that’s our mid-March report from the Big Easy. We had a little tsunami action last Friday at the harbor here in Santa Cruz, as 17 boats were sunk, 50 were damaged and two men were left on base, but nothing compared to the fifth most powerful earthquake that devastated the residents of Japan. The footage of the tsumani that followed the quake was just incredible and made me appreciate that I had asked Stevie Wonder to take me to a higher ground.

So get ready for the wild and crazy first round of March Madness in the NCAA’s college basketball tournament and we’ll catch you in the field of 64. Aloha, mahalo and later, LaMarcus Aldridge fans.

Good morning and greetings, no-fly zone fans.  Welcome to March, the month that comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb chop.  I hope it’s been a good week, or at least fair or partly cloudy for all you who are reading or skimming this.  So from the halls of Monterey Bay to the shores of Tripoli, let’s go right to the news.

That Moammar Khaddafy, or if you prefer the Hebrew spelling, Gadhafi, is really quite the character.  Up until now, my favorite colonels were Klink and Sanders, because those herbs and spices are so damn finger lickingly good.  But these gentleman having nothing over this lovable maniac from Libya, who’s been in power for four decades yet seems as delusional as the leaders of the Republican Party.

The colonel and his son, along with their original recipe chicken, cole slaw and biscuits, insist there is no rebellion going on in their country, and then they go out and blast away at the opposition like they’re quarterbacks on Super Bowl Sunday, except the bombs they’re completing are real.  I’ll give Khaddafy credit, this guy looks like he walked straight out of central casting, as he has that cunning, desert fox dictator look down to a fine science.  And I sympathize with him because I know how it feels to have $30 billion in assets seized, that really can put a damper on the day.  And just my luck, with the way things have been going, it looks like I’ll never get the money back I lent to Hosni Mubarek.

You’ve got to love any tyrant who can deliver a speech, much like many of my early posts, that is meandering, disjointed and has little to do with reality.  I remember years ago when I started this blog that, I, much like the Colonel, urged my readers to fight with me “to the last man and woman.”  Okay, so maybe I was a little needy.  But to my credit, I never blamed radical Islamists for giving young people drugs that goaded them into a frenzing of rioting and posting comments on this site.

But for now, as much as I love bloody crackdowns on my own people, let’s get away from arms embargos, trade sanctions and personal interventions and get back to our subject at hand.  Back on the morning of February 16, the morning light was outstanding, as the sun’s rays were shooting down through the clouds as I walked along West Cliff without my camera.  Later that morning, it Nathan hailed, aiding to the pagentry of the day.  So being a savant, I thought it might be a good idea to head down to the beach at sunset time, as the weather this day, much like my trip through the birth canal, had been rather wild.

Because of the earlier rain and my glowing aura,  the beach was deserted at Natural Bridges.  As you can see from the first photo, the clouds were somewhat ominous.  Then all of a sudden, before you could say, “we do chicken right,” the sky darkened and it starting pouring, which of course, is great for my camera.  And then, much to my sunny delight, a beautiful, full arc, double rainbow rose in the sky, that made me feel like I was back in Kansas with little Toto.

Because of my location, I couldn’t get the shot of the rainbow dipping into the Pacific, but as Mick Jagger once told me, “you can’t always get what you want.”  Fortunately, while the rain was pelting down upon me, I got what I needed.  Seeing that rainbow light up the sky was quite entertaining, much like last week’s episode of “The Good Wife.”  Not as intense as the drama on “Southland”, but something that Donnie Wahlberg as Detective Danny Reagan on “Blue Bloods” would have appreciated.

You can see in the final shot that the post rainbow clouds were just phenomenal.
That leads to the question, what is a rainbow?  Four out of five scientists say it is a band of colors in the shape of an arc that is formed from reflection, refraction, and a psychotic reaction of the sun’s rays inside millions of raindrops.  They appear, in the words of B.J. Thomas when “raindrops keep falling on my head,” as when it is raining in one part of the sky and sunny in another.  Those are classic rainbow conditions, my friends, and when they are happening, I immediately fly into rainbow alert a la mode, which goes great with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

From what I learned from the radar map back in weather school, the sun is always behind you while the rain is in front when a rainbow or unexpected guests appear.  So, if my coordinates and karma are correct, the center of the rainbow’s arc is always directly opposite the sun or any other family member, like Alice, when she’s ten feet tall.

Most people, or people who need people, who are the luckiest people in the world, think that the colors of a rainbow are apple red, tangerine orange, mellow yellow, Mean Joe greene, Vida blue, indigo girls and violet parker.  Well, believe it or not, Mr. Wizard once told me that a rainbow is made up of an entire other group of colors.  We’re talking colors that my eye, my dog or even my periodontist can’t even see.

Now how is it that we are able to see rainbows?   We are able to see the colors because light of different colors is bent when it travels from one medium, like the air and into another, in this case, the water of raindrops.  When all the colors that make up sunlight are combined, they look as white as the crowd at a Tea Party rally, but once they are refracted, they break up into colors we see in a rainbow or at the snack shacks we see along the beach at Wakiki.

Now listen closely, boys and squirrels.  Every person, no matter what race (like the 100 meters), creed or color sees their own personal rainbow.  What that means is that when you are staring at one like me, while snapping away like Annie Liebowitz at a bankruptcy hearing, you are seeing the light bounced off of certain raindrops.  The person or sailor next to you may seem to be looking at the same rainbow, but they may be seeing light reflecting off other raindrops from a completely different angle.  Are you confused?  Don’t worry, just click your heels three times and ask for Dorothy.

Now here are a few more fun facts about rainbows.  It was Sir Issac Newton who discovered the seven distinct colors of the visible spectrum with the help of his brother Fig.  Phil Collins wrote quite eloquently in Genesis 9 that rainbows are God’s promise.  And everything we see, feel, hear, taste, smell and text exists between the frequencies of red and violet.  I have no idea what that means, I just like the way it sounded, like my voice on Sportstalk radio.  And they say the ladder to heaven is built of rungs which are the colors of the rainbow.  Personally, I’ve always been more of a “Stairway to Heaven” guy, because I do remember laughter.

On to some great late night.  “Protests continue in Libya. It was reported that most of the protests are being organized on a dating website, which explains why half the protest signs say “No Gadhafi” and the other half say “No fatties.  They’re saying Gadhafi is “disconnected from reality.” According to the State Department, Gadhafi thought this year’s Oscars were fantastic.”–Conan O’Brien  “I thought the Oscars were supposed to be young and hip and I only saw all these old people. Then I realized I was watching “60 Minutes.”–Craig Ferguson  “The Oscar statue is about thirteen inches in height and weighs about 9 pounds. Oh wait, that’s Tom Cruise.”–David Letterman

“Moammar Gadhafi is starting to sound a little crazy. Al-Jazeera canceled his show, “Two and a Half Shiites.  Gadhafi said his people “love him.” I think that’s what he said. It was hard to hear over the rebel gunfire.”–David Letterman  “Everyone is saying we have to take control of Moammar Gadhafi. We can’t even control Charlie Sheen.  Charlie Sheen said that he’s now more popular than President Obama, at which point Mike Huckabee accused him of growing up in Kenya.”–Jay Leno

“Oprah has been invited by Egypt’s new government to do a show from Cairo. So they’ve replaced one power-mad tyrant who’s been ruling for 30 years with another one.” –Conan O’Brien  “Sarah Palin is going to India to make a speech. She’s hoping to visit some of those Indian casinos she’s heard so much about.” –Jay Leno  “Bristol Palin is releasing a book called “Not Afraid of Life.” Meanwhile, Sarah Palin is releasing a book called, “I’m Afraid of Books.”–Jimmy Fallon

“‘King Kong’ opened 78 years ago. It’s the story of a woman that gets carried away by an ape. The same thing happened to Maria Shriver.” –David Letterman  “Twitter was down for two hours on Saturday. It was terrible. I had to call random people in the phone book and tell them what I had for lunch.”–Jimmy Fallon  “The price of gas here was up to $4.50. When I started pumping, it was only $3.85.–Jay Leno

So that’s our first official blast for March.  If you like college basketball, and what true American doesn’t, this is a month to savor like your first Haagan Daz bar.  So be grateful for your clean water and we’ll catch you at midcourt.  Aloha, mahalo and later, Kevin Love fans.

Good morning and greetings, Indian winter fans. I don’t want to say the weather has been pleasant recently, but last week I felt a warm breeze brush up against my cheek and thought, is this really Santa Cruz? It felt more like Hawaii or downtown Fiji. But after this luau of tropical thoughts cleared my mind, I knew this feeling of winter warmth was just temporary, like the crown on my upper right back molar.

But who am I to complain, as the temperatures across the country have been colder than the center of the petite filet I ordered last week at the Sizzler. I have been receiving satellite photos from back east of the snowfall and I am astounded at how much white powder has fallen out of the sky this winter. It’s like the Mexican cartels have taken over the Weather Channel.

Let me pass along a few facts about the fluttering flakes. This January is on record as the snowiest in history. The northeast has had six major snowstorms (we’re talking heavy, wet snow) since Hanukah. Cities like New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Boston, Syracuse and Beaver Falls have set new record snowfall totals. Unbelievable! I wish I could be back there to enjoy the blinding snow, black ice and heavy shoveling, but that would require wearing boots, gloves and a jacket, which would be in violation of my eleventh commandment, thou shall always wear shorts and not freeze like a popsicle.

But here it is late January, and the skies have been clearer than my complexion at my senior prom. Last week, the plum trees blossomed at the field where I run my golden retriever, producing thousands of pink flowers that decorated the trees and covered the ground with a layer of color of a pink, creme-filled Hostess Sno Ball. For a Ring Ding Jr. man like myself, this cornucopia of spring colors in the middle of the winter was a visual treat, like any episode featuring the lovely Sofia Vergara on “Modern Family.”

Moving along, much like the Rodney Dangerfield movie classic from 1986, last week I went back to school. I’ve always valued the importance of knowledge and have tried to further my education as much as possible. I want to keep my mind sharp as I battle the middle ages, so I made sure I had my notebook in place and pencils sharpened when I signed in for Traffic School.

Now the reason for this back-to-school moment was, I was traveling a tad above the speed limit on my way to San Francisco in December. Thank God that officer got me on his radar, and when he U-turned around and put on his flashers, a feeling of calm came over me, like angels dusting my face with baby powder. Ever since receiving this ticket to the CHP’s Ball, I have slowed down on the road. It was a valuable lesson that will stick with me for the rest of my life, or at least the next 18 months.

There were so many schools to choose from in the online classroom. There was the Too Lazy For Traffic School, the Not Guilty Traffic School, The Speeders Network and The Comedy School for Less, among others. Being someone who’d like to be in the islands, I chose the Aloha Traffic School. All in all, it was a valuable learning experience about rules and safety on the roadway, as I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun without laughing. I will carry that certificate of completion near to my heart as this is as close as I’m going to get to receiving a master’s degree.

For our photo runway, I was going to blast out a gorgeous winter sunrise, but instead I am upping the ante and bringing out the big guns. This my favorite sunrise from our first month, taken back in January of 2008. Everything came together this night at Natural Bridges as the sky, the clouds, the sand, colors and reflection action were just off the charts. I remembered standing on the beach during the final shots and thinking about how lucky I was to be experiencing this moment of incredible beauty while wondering if I had locked my keys in the car. God gives and I take.

On to the late night. “In the State of the Union address tonight, President Obama focused his speech on how to bring prosperity back to America. It basically involves all of us convincing Oprah we’re her half sister. That’s the plan.” –Conan O’Brien “The Republican response to the President’s State of the Union speech was fairly gracious. They said it was a pretty good speech for a foreigner.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Three Supreme Court justices — Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas — did not attend the State of the Union address. Taking their place was Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, and Randy Jackson.” –Conan O’Brien

“The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. The cellist Yo-Yo Ma was there. It’s the first yoyo we’ve had in the White House since George W. Bush.” –David Letterman “There was one really awkward moment when Hu found out that Obama was a Nobel Peace Prize winner and, out of force of habit, tried to have him arrested.” –Jay Leno “At the state dinner, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, ‘You will lend us another trillion dollars.'” –Conan O’Brien

“John Boehner was subject to some controversy because the President hosted President Hu of China this week, and Boehner was invited to the State Dinner and did not come. President Hu was very disappointed. He promised his friends back home that he would get a picture with ‘orange man who leaks.” –Bill Maher “A Washington Post columnist is proposing a ‘Sarah-Palin-Free February,’ a whole month in which she’s not mentioned. This is stupid. Don’t pick February, the shortest month.” –Jay Leno “Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around.” –Conan O’Brien

“A social networking revolution has started in Saudi Arabia. Over 10 million Saudis are now online. In fact, the most popular social networking site for women in Saudi Arabia: ‘Cover-Your-Facebook.'” –Jay Leno “The U.S. Postal Service announced plans to close an additional 2,000 branches after losing $8.5 billion. Maybe in retrospect, making people wait in line while you slowly finish your bag of fiery hot Cheetos isn’t such a good idea.” Taco Bell pulled its ads during MTV’s new show “Skins” because of its inappropriate content. MTV was like, “Really, Taco Bell? We have inappropriate content? Have you seen what’s inside a chalupa?”–Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our last blast for January. Birthday wishes go out this Saturday to my friend, confidant and translator for these blogs, Nancy Mager. Nancy is from back in the old country and although she would be too modest to mention it, developed the first recipe for baked ziti. She herself, is quite the Italian dish. When you have a Yankee fan like this in your life, you are very fortunate indeed.

So enjoy the national food and beverage holiday we call Super Bowl Sunday we’ll catch you at the championship trophy presentation. And remember to try and appreciate every day for what it is. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kevin Durant fans.

Good morning and greetings, NFL playoff fans. Well, the world-wide weather picture has gotten off to a flying start in 2011, as there was horrific flooding in Australia, torrential rain and killer mudslides in Brazil and enough snowfall back east as to waltz into a winter wonderland. Gone away is the bluebird, here to stay is Lobster Newburg.

The big news this week continues to come out of the desert in Tucson, Arizona, where the nation tried to make sense of the tragedy that left six dead and 13 wounded, including Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. This shooting by a deranged gunman played out all over the world and led my daughter to ask, “Dad, do you own a gun?”

Now the Beatles said “happiness is a warm gun” but I’ve always been more of a Guns N’ Roses, “Sweet Child O’ Mine” kind of guy. My first thought was to tell her, yeah, it’s in my bottom drawer, next to the hand grenades and my missle launcher. But that would have been wrong. Let me state for the record that I do not own a gun, water pistol, pea shooter, rifle, shotgun, sling shot, bazooka, machine gun or sherman tank.

The only time I’ve fired a weapon was during riflery at summer camp, and I will admit I enjoyed checking the target to see my marksmanship. However, that was the only time I was packing any heat, although a couple of times I’ve left my house concealing my garage door opener on my belt.

Since I’m not a policeman, prison guard or currently in the military, I really have no interest in drawing my weapon and firing at anyone. I do my shooting with a camera, and all my aiming is to please. The concept of shooting someone, with the exception of any Taliban, Al Queda or the boogie man does not really appeal to me.

It’s not so much that I’m a pacifist, it’s just that I’m allergic to bullets. Or as Woody Allen once told me, “years ago, my mother gave me a bullet and I put it in my breast pocket. Two years after that, I was walking down the street, when a berserk evangelist heaved a Gideon bible out of a hotel room window, hitting me in the chest. Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn’t for the bullet.”

Now I normally don’t quote the President of the United States or the American League in these pages, but in case you missed the Obama eulogy in Tucson, I thought I’d pass on a few words. Barack Obama said he wanted to “make sense out of that which seems senseless. When a tragedy like this strikes, it is part of our nature to demand explanations – to try to impose some order on the chaos. But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized – at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who think differently than we do – it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we are talking with each other in a way that heals, not a way that wounds.”

He added these words when speaking of nine-year-old Christina-Taylor Green, who was gunned down while meeting her congresswoman at the local Safeway. “I want us to live up to her expectations. I want her democracy to be as good as she imagined it. All of us – we should do everything we can to make sure this country lives up to our children’s expectations.”

These are the kind of words I enjoy hearing coming out of the mouth of our elected leader rather than “mission accomplished.” They were written by the President, chief speechwriter Jon Favreau, senior adviser David Axelrod and Cody Keenan, a former writer for late Senator Edward Kennedy. The reason I mention this is because unlike the President, I wrote this post alone, with an assist from my spellchecker/senior grant writer Nancy Mager of Tucson, who drove by the shooting site twenty minutes before it happened and was horrified that this tragedy happened in her wacky, gun-loving state.

Let’s move from lack of gun control to something a little more colorful and relaxing. Today’s photosynthesis brings us back to the lovely sands of Natural Bridges State Beach on the evening of January 6. It was a night of intense color and big waves, as the swell was pumping and surfers were out in droves. And if you check out photos two and five, I actually caught a couple of wet-suited boys in action with my tow-in photography. It’s like I always said, if it swells, write it.

As you can see, the heavens turned some lovely shades of orange, red and purple, just another winter sky on Santa Cruz’s north shore. Colors like this always pump me up, which is the same feeling I got watching the world’s most dangerous closer, Kobe Bryant, going up against the Warriors on Wednesday night. Both the sunset that night and Kobe’s late game heroics were performances you see once in a lifetime. No two are the same and then they are gone in a flash, not to be repeated because last time I checked, nobody was TiVoing sunsets.

Let’s head to the late nite. “Sarah Palin’s reality show will not be returning as she contemplates a possible run for president in 2012. When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that’s when you know they’re serious about being president of the United States. A new study shows that a woman’s tears can chemically lower the level of testosterone in a man. When that happens, the man will also start to cry and then eventually be elected speaker of the House.” –Jay Leno “Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a speech urging Arab leaders to enact real reforms. Halfway through the speech, Arab leaders looked at each other and asked, “Why is a woman talking?” –Conan O’Brien

“The two biggest websites right now are Wikipedia, where you go to learn about things you care about, and Facebook, where you go to learn about people you stopped caring about years ago.” –Craig Ferguson “There’s a new website that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That one place is called “work.” –Conan O’Brien

“So far this winter, it has snowed in 49 out of 50 states, but not Florida. So now, your grandparents can complain that the snow doesn’t visit them either.”–Jimmy Kimmel “Astronomers discovered the smallest star in a far-away galaxy, called a dwarf star. I had about 50 jokes about the dwarf star and, what a coincidence. They all ended with Tom Cruise.”–David Letterman

So in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday, Jason and I are headed up to the Oracle Arena today to see the Warriors take on the Carmelo Anthony-less Nets. Last year when we went my growing boy brought a sign, “I also have a dream-the Warriors in the playoffs.” I couldn’t have been any prouder. Like son, like father.

So let me leave you with the most famous of quotes from Dr. King from 1963. “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.'” That is, everyone except Michael Jordan in his prime.

And Warrior fans all over the bay area share in his dream, as despite years of ineptness ny management, they have risen up in their seats and shouted in unison, “oh, deep in my heart, we do believe, we shall overcome and make the playoffs some day.”

A final thought. I took my all-time favorite sunrise shot back on Dr. King’s birthday back in 2005, so this day is special in many ways. So enjoy what’s left of the three-day weekend and we’ll catch you running a cross pattern. Aloha, mahalo and later, Dorell Wright fans.

Good morning and greetings, New Year’s fans. Well, 2010, much like the resolutions I made 48 hours ago to lose weight, exercise more and watch less TV, is now history, so hello 2011. But I must confess that I’m always more excited about the even numbered years. Yes, I know, that seems odd.

I spent a week over the winter holidays in lovely Palm Desert, which is located directly east of Palm Springs for those of you who have never visited this desert oasis. It is a winter haven filled with swaying palm trees, sparkling green fairways and luxurious accomodations for those seeking a Sunday brunch with ice sculptures shaped like a young Dinah Shore.

So while much of the country was as frozen as the gluten-free french toast sticks in my freezer, the desert was as warm as the holiday greeting card I received from Kim Jong II. And rumor has it while I was desert storming a little bit of snow fell in the New York Metropolitan area. It conjures up the words of my old pal Irving Berlin, “I’m dreaming of a whiteout Christmas.”

On our first few days in the southland a little moisture dropped down on the sand traps and putting greens. I’m lucky I brought along my “Sons of Anarchy” poncho, because on December 22, more rain fell in the Coachella Valley than in all of 2009. Because of the constant downpour, you wouldn’t have known this was a desert wonderland of golf, tennis and Indian casinos. It was like the old joke, what happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.

The following day, Noah hauled away his ark and the skies returned to their crystal blue persuasion. The snow-capped San Jacinto mountains went back to changing color throughout the day rather than being shrouded by low lying clouds. I’m not sure Moses would have recognized this place, as the palm trees, waterfalls and endless lakes might have confused the guy who parted a fool and his money right after the Red Sea.

But it might have inspired the eleventh commandmant, thou shalt build condos on the golf course with a pool and hot tub within 100 yards surrounded by fruit trees that bloom throughout the winter. Growing up in New Jersey, I was not aware that this warm weather paradise existed. I was happy just watching the traffic flow smoothly on the upper level of the George Washington Bridge.

So normally when I’m in the desert mode I’m shooting photos every day. Sunrises, sunsets, masseuses-in-training, flowers, road runners, gun runners, flocks of airborne Canadian geese and Canadian bacon. But due to sports, weather and traffic and still being in shock from the New York Giants’ collapse against Michael Vick and the Eagles, I was happy just connecting the dots in my coloring book.

Well, that’s not completely true, as I did shoot one lovely sunrise, which I have featured in photos five and six. But since this is the first post of the year, I wanted to bring to you, in the words of author David Halberstam, “The Best and the Brightest,” and let you see for yourself how spectacular the desert skies can be. I didn’t journey out there on a horse with no name, but let me tell you, it was good to get out of the rain.

Photos one and two are my favorite sunrise shots from along the back nine of the golf course at the Palm Valley Country Club. Over the years, people have asked of the second shot, was this taken in Bali, Cambodia, or Staten Island? No, it’s early morning action in the Southern Californian desert, which is great way to start the day before snorkeling in the hot tub.

Photos three and four are a couple of epic sunset shots from the land of the Bob Hope Classic. On the first, the sky turned as crimson red as any Alabama moment that I’ve ever witnessed here on planet earth. The next shot was just off the charts, as I could see from the way the clouds were lining up that the mother lode of sunsets was approaching. It turned out to be better than I had hoped, much like the matzo ball soup at my bar mitzvah party.

I should mention that on our ride up the coast to fly out of SFO the sights were also spectacular, as the storm was in full flow and thousands of gulls flooded the beaches. These were as beautiful gull shots as I had ever seen and would have made for a fantastic storm blog, but we wanted to get to the airport as quickly as possible so we could wait for a few hours as our flight was delayed, which is not the same as CANCELLED, which we experienced on our attempted return home.

And just in case you were were wondering how long it takes to drive from Palm Springs to Santa Cruz, go with 8.5 to 9 hours, just to be safe. And in the parting words of one of my newest best friends, an unnamed California Highway Patrol officer who I met early Wednesday morning just outside of Pescadero, “watch your speedometer.” A simple “Mele Kalikimaka” would have been sufficient.

Here’s a little taste of the late night. “This morning President Obama signed the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ into law. He would have signed it last night, but supporters of the bill didn’t want to miss last night’s episode of ‘Glee.'” –Conan O’Brien “President Obama signed into law the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ What does it say about us that we think gay men can handle armed combat, but can’t handle marriage? The census shows there are more than 308 million people living in America. The amazing part is: More than half of those people are Americans.” –Jay Leno “Sarah Palin is getting into the Christmas spirit. Today, she shot a partridge in a pear tree.” –David Letterman

So that’s our first blast of 2011. Hopefully, the new year will be filled with joy, good health and hope that things will be better for so many Americans. And if not, maybe they’ll be more garlic shrimp in my next takeout order. It’s great to be back in the saddle with my cyber audience. We’ll catch you running a deep fly pattern. Aloha, mahalo and later once again, Dwyane Wade fans.

Good morning and greetings, Johnny Winter fans. We’re winding down the year here at Sunrise Santa Cruz as the end of 2010 rapidly approaches. But before we do, I want to mention a couple of celestial events coming up on the calendar as a free service to my non-paying subscribers.

Early on Tuesday morning, the full moon will pass through the shadow of the earth, producing one of the most beautiful shows the skies this side of “My Fair Lady,” a total eclipse of the moon. This is not to be confused with a total eclipse of the heart or when I blew off Carly Simon to fly up to Nova Scotia to see a total eclipse of the sun. Okay, so maybe I was a little vain.

Then 16 hours later at 6:38 EST, after a marvelous night for a moon dance, the sun will reach a point where it will appear to shine farthest to the south of the equator, which will be directly over the Tropic of Capricorn and just south of the island of Tongatapu, where I normally do most of my holiday shopping for mumus. This will mark the moment of solstice, when winter officially begins in the Northern Hemisphere and I celebrate by ironing my warmer shorts.

It was Randy Newman who said “short people have no reason to live,” but they can rejoice on Tuesday as it will be the shortest day of the year. And it was Dr. Phil who said it is always darkest before dawn, and beginning on Wednesday, the days grow longer and the nights grow stronger than moonshine. I learned that as I traveled down the Ventura Highway in the sunshine with the free wind blowin’ thru my hair. God bless America.

So with the days and my attention span winding down, what have I learned this year? My first thought is very little, as it’s possible I’ve forgotten more than has entered my medulla oblongata. They say you’re not getting older, you’re getting wiser. Take my word for it, I’m just getting older.

Alright, maybe I’ve learned a few things. Actually, it’s not that I’ve gained any new insights, it’s just that what’s important has edged closer to the forefront of my mind. I’ll go with my top three, because any more than that and I’ll start channeling Oprah.

Number one on my hit list of importance is health. You can have all the money in the world, and if you do, please contact me. My wife had some major health issues last year, and a day doesn’t go by that when I wake up I’m not grateful that she’s healthy. Well, that and the fact the she doesn’t kick me anymore when I snore. For a while, I felt like a pinata on that mattress, and I would have told her to stop but wanted the candy.

Number two is family. I’ve got an entourage of parents, brothers, half-brothers, sister-in-laws, step-sisters, cousins and an aunt, uncle and Johnny Drama. Many have known me pretty much from the start as a young boy growing up in Appalachia, and there’s something special about someone who knows where you’ve been and is alway going to know where you’re going.

Number three is friends, and I’m not talking about Courtney Cox or the lovely Jennifer Aniston. Friends may come and go, but the great ones stick around. They’re different from family because there is no blood obligation. Of course, some come with baggage, but since I’m not a sky cap, I don’t deal with that. Friends melt in your heart, not in your hands.

So for our final photo expedition of 2010, we journey back to a gentler, simpler time, back before we all got so caught up in our daily lives that we sometimes forget what’s really important. I’m talking December 7th of this month. The sky was lining up to put on a better show than Janet Jackson at halftime of the Super Bowl XXXVIII, and I was not upset when the heavens didn’t malfunction.

The canvas of colors started slowly, but once the sky started to glow it was just outstanding. For me as a photographer, humanitarian and former hand model, photo number five is what it’s all about. Just a wonderful moment to be alive and living on the planet. For a sunrise and sunset boy like myself, it doesn’t get much better than this.

The last shot is of another photographer who was lucky enough to be taking in the sights that night. I wanted to showcase the color of the clouds as the reflection blazed on the sand. All in all, a fantastic night on the digital front. This is one I’m glad I didn’t miss.

Here’s our final salute to the late night. “According to a new poll, 51 percent of Americans feel that their lives were better two years ago before President Obama took office. To which President Obama said, ‘Join the club.'” –Jay Leno “Today President Obama met with a group of top CEOs to discuss creating new jobs. They said they’d see what they could do and then all went back to China.” –Conan O’Brien “Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner had to go to the hospital today because of a kidney stone. On the bright side, the stone was the first thing in months passed by a member of the Obama administration.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Time magazine is now ranking the best tweets of the year and, according to Time, the best tweet for 2010 was written by John McCain. Experts say it’s even more impressive because McCain thought he was opening his garage door. Anderson Cooper has announced that the title of his new show is just ‘Anderson.’ I think I speak for everyone here at ‘Conan’ when I say, ‘God, what an ego on that guy!’ Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it’s just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.” –Conan O’Brien

So that’s our final blast for the year. I’m going to take a week off and head out to Palm Desert for some relaxation, revitalization and hopefully a few revelations about why the corn beef tastes so good at Sherman’s Deli.

But before that, birthday wishes go out to my oldest friend, Steve Margolin, who hits the big 58 on Wednesday. Steve and I go way back, as we’re talking pitching duels in Little League, train rides to Amsterdam and late night runs to Hop Kee in New York’s Chinatown for those sweet and sour memories. We both grew up in Anderson Avenue in Fort Lee, New Jersey, and not a day goes by where he doesn’t beg me to come back.

So thanks for tuning in this year. I hope you’ve been enjoying the ride and that my words have added some joy to your life. We’ll return with some spectacular desert action in 2011. In the meantime, be good to yourselves and we’ll catch you at the goal line. Aloha, mahalo and later, Dwyane Wade fans.

Good morning and greetings, holiday season fans. That’s right, for many, this past week and the next five are their favorite times of the year. For me, it’s the NBA playoffs and anytime I get dial tone. If I listen closely, I can almost hear Andy Willams singing, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year,” or for my non-Amish friends, the most wonderful time for a beer.

I know I may be a little premature with this, but nothing else came across the radar scope this week, so bring on the holiday festivites. What red-blooded, white-celled American doesn’t love the endless TV commercials, holiday parties, and most importantly, buying gifts for people you don’t give a rat’s tush about? If I seem a bit cynical about the upcoming mistletoe invasion, I apologize to my cyber constituents. It’s just my stream of holiday unconciousness.

Now we just finished Thanksgiving, where I ate enough turkey to jump start my pilgrimage to the Mecca in Milwaukee. It was a great time to gather with family and reflect on some things that I’m grateful for. Here are a few random post holiday thoughts.

I’m grateful that it’s not 2012 and there isn’t real talk of Sarah Palin becoming the first female president. Besides my head literally exploding, I don’t think my family is ready to move to Canada, Cancun or the Canary Islands.

I’m grateful there is gravy. Without it, Thanksgiving for many would be like living in Kansas or the Sahara Desert. Very dry. Man cannot live on jellied cranberry sauce alone.

I’m extremely grateful that I have my health. Unlike a friend of mine, and I’m not going to mention Steve Margolin’s name, I’m not excited about getting older. Every time I feel a pain in my chest, I wonder, am I having a heart attack? At this poinsettia in my life, I’m just happy to play basketball and come home in the same clothes I left in. As I’ve said before, I’d like to strangle the guy who coined the phrase, “you’re not getting older, you’re getting better.” Listen, I may come off as “Mr. Positive,” but soon-to-be 58 is not the new 57. That’s Heinz.

I’m grateful for my wife, children and our golden retriever Summer. Without my lovely Allison, how else would I have ever known there is sometimes another way to look at situations? Without my children, every Saturday of my life would have been spent sitting in the dark at the movies digesting some form of chocolate, followed by Chinese cuisine. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound too bad. And without Summer, and with my apologies to my daughter Aimee, who else would I look at 100 times a day and say, “you’re such a good girl.”

Of course I’m grateful for my brothers, my imaginary sister, extended family and special friends, and those reading it know who I’m talking about. I’m especially fortunate to have two parents who are still alive and have allowed me to open a catering service that provides them with home cooked meals that you won’t find being prepared on the food network. Hot and ready to go, gratuity already included.

I’m also damn grateful to be living on the central coast of California and not doing a tour of duty overseas in Afghanistan or Iraq. How difficult it must have been for the thousands of military families on Thanksgiving with a loved one so far away and playing hardball with the Taliban or Al Queda. For many of us, the war is a forgotten item on the news but for those families it’s the lead story every night.

There is so much more I am grateful for but I don’t want to get too mu shu or pen the sequel to “War and Peace.” Let me just say I’m so lucky to have this forum to be able to write about whatever sprints across my mind and share it with you readers. The fact that I can throw some world-class sunrises and sunsets from this cold water paradise only adds fuel to the fire of my mind. If I’ve made you think or laugh or say, “wow, that’s gorgeous,” well, in the words of my favorite Hanukah Bush, “mission accomplished.”

That brings us to today’s photo op. This was a Saturday night a couple of week’s back, where the clouds and sky brought many along the westside to their feet with almond joy and late afternoon delight. I was perched along West Cliff Drive at Stockton Avenue, and this sunset glowed for a long while after dusk, leaving me not only with the satisfaction of knowing that I would be sharing it with all of you, but that I could almost leave behind the thought of recent sunsets missed. As I said, almost.

On to some great late night. “TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.” –David Letterman “This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested before they get to their uncle’s house. You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I’d get married.” –Seth Meyers “The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity.” –Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman’s “Top Seven Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent”
“Do I need a degree in groping?” “Am I only doing this for the sweet TSA uniform?”
“If I find explosive underpants, may I keep them?” “Should I practice by frisking people on the street?” “In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?” “Do I really want to know what a fat guy’s thighs feel like?” “May I frisk myself?”

“Former President George W. Bush has published his memoirs, called ‘Decision Points.’ Bush was asked if he used a ghost writer and he said, ‘Nah, I stopped believing in those after I turned 12.'” –Jay Leno “At the dedication of his Presidential Library, George W. Bush said it’s long been his dream to build a building for teenagers to drink behind.” –Seth Meyers “Sarah Palin’s new book can be found right next to George W. Bush’s new book in the ‘Apparently Anyone Can Write One of These’ section.” –Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Palin has a brand new book. And you thought Thanksgiving dinner makes you drowsy.” –David Letterman “In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do it. Still think she’s not qualified to be President?” –Jimmy Fallon “I’ll tell you how confident Sarah Palin is about the upcoming Presidential election. She’s already started writing her inaugural address on her hand.” –Jay Leno

Well, that’s our show and the last blast for November 2010. I hope the Thanksgiving holiday was a pleasant and a leftover-filled experience. And for those those menorah fans, let me wish you a Happy Hunakah, when I begin the always memorable apple sauce and sour cream-filled journey to latke city. For those of you keeping stats, it starts on Wednesday. We’ll catch you in punting formation. Aloha, mahalo and later, Blake Griffin fans.

Good morning and greetings, cranberry sauce fans. That’s right, we’re just three shopping days away from Thanksgiving, the holiday where families gather together to give thanks that this occasion occurs only once a year. Then throw in some turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, the Detroit Lions losing and some dysfuctional family behavor. Top it all off with with a little tryptophan pudding and bring on Black Friday.

So in honor of this festival of gravy and leftovers, I thought we would take a stroll down Plymouth Lane and look at some of the more interesting and unusual aspects that make this day so damn special.

According to my sources at KFC, the food that would have been on the first Thanksgiving Day menu consisted of venison (deer), wild fowl (geese, duck, wild turkey, eagles, parakeets), seafood (lobster, eel, cod, pirana), dried corn, pumpkin, nuts (walnuts, acorns, Ross Perot), and fruits (plums, grapes, Liberace).

There was no milk, cookies, cheese, cheetos, bread, butter, sweet potatoes, pringles, cranberry sauce, apple, peaches or pumpkin pie at the original Thanksgiving Day feast. The Pilgrims ate their first dinner with only spoons and knives as all the forks were in the road.

There is no official reason or declaration for the use of turkey on Thanksgiving. Along with chipmunk, possum and prairie dog, it just happened to be the most plentiful meat available at the time of the first celebration in 1621. Fossil evidence shows that turkeys roamed the Americas 10 million years ago, approximately 5 million years before the invention of gravy.

The Guinness Book of Records states that the greatest dressed weight recorded for a turkey was 86 lbs, at the annual “heaviest turkey” competition held in London, England on December 12, 1989. For some reason, that date rings a bell. Turns out it was a free range, honey basted turkey packed with bowling ball stuffing.

Being a bourbon man like myself, wild turkeys, while technically the same species as domesticated turkeys, have a very different taste from farm-raised turkeys. Almost all of the meat is “dark” (even the breasts) with a more intense turkey flavor. However, there is no difference between wild and domesticated gravy.

Wild turkeys can fly up to 55 miles per hour over short distances. Domesticated turkeys cannot fly but can sprint like a barbecued chicken. Only male turkeys gobble. The gobble is actually a seasonal mating call which I perfected back at Syracuse. Turkeys have great hearing skills but no ears. Thus you will never hear a turkey say, “I can’t believe how cold it is. My ears are freezing.”

History states that only five women Pilgrims survived the first year at the Plymouth settlement and they were the first ones to cook and prepare the first meager celebration meal, in 1621. Journals say the celebration lasted 3 days after which the women were left to do all the dishes while they men drank beer and then fell asleep watching football.

Twenty percent of cranberries consumed are eaten on Thanksgiving. However, I dine on the Ocean Spray of life 52 weeks a year. Contrary to popular belief, Native Americans did not eat cranberries, but found them extremely useful for dying fabric, decorating pottery and hurling them at unsuspecting Pilgrims.

The first Thanksgiving involved no cranberry sauce or hot dinner rolls. Cranberries were everywhere, but sugar, which is an even more important ingredient in cranberry sauce than the cranberries themselves was a huge luxury good at the time. So that meant no Haagen Daz on the pumpkin pie.

Sarah Josepha Hale, author of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” and America’s first female magazine editor, wrote to five U.S. presidents over 40 years urging that Thanksgiving be made a national holiday. She was eventually successful with Abraham Lincoln and her fleece was white as snow.

And finally, the average person consumes 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving Day. And that’s just while carving the bird.

We continue with a joke I never tire of. A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!” They all asked the farmer how it tasted. “I don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

Moving along, for today’s photo montage we head to over to Natural Bridges State Beach. I was going to feature a beautiful sunset from last Saturday but then Thursday evening came along and Derrick Rose to the head of the class.

I could see that the late afternoon clouds had some unusual texture, which bode well for some much needed color in my life. And as you can see from the last two images, it was a blanket of orange in the sky, and I knew then that this was what I needed to bring to this week’s post. Only the best for my cyber audience and imaginary friends.

Lots of late night fun this week. “Sunday night was the debut of the reality show, ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska.’ It got huge ratings. Even people over in Russia were watching and they didn’t need TVs. They could see it from their porch. The new Oxford dictionary has declared Sarah Palin’s made-up word ‘refudiate’ the 2010 word of the year. When asked for her reaction to the dubious honor, Palin said she would not ‘dignitate’ it with a response.” –Jay Leno “Sarah Palin has a new show. She takes viewers all around Alaska, and shows them where she water-boarded Levi Johnston.” –David Letterman

“President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he’s being very candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn’t had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq? “Former first lady Laura Bush used to be a librarian. Coincidentally, she’s the only thing George W. Bush ever checked out at the library.” –David Letterman “They just had the groundbreaking ceremony of the George W. Bush Presidential Library in Dallas. It’s easy to get into the building, but then you spend 10 years trying to find an exit strategy.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The day before Thanksgiving is National Opt-Out Day, where people are being asked to boycott the TSA’s full-body scanners. Sponsors of the event say people shouldn’t be made to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable while traveling. That’s what Thanksgiving with your family is for.” -Jimmy Fallon “People are concerned that the new airport security scanners could lead to pictures of their genitals ending up on the Internet. Apparently no one has told them that without pictures of genitals, there would be no Internet.” –Conan O’Brien

“It was bad enough when the TSA agents would go through your underwear in your luggage. Now they’re going through your underwear while you’re wearing it. Now, to make it worse, the airlines are charging a $15 molestation fee.” –Jay Leno “In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don’t mind being patted down by airport security, but I don’t like it when the guy says, ‘Now you do me.'” –Conan O’Brien

So that’s our pre-holiday report. On Thursday, take a moment to reflect how fortunate you are to be among family and friends. For many, this day is not all fun and games and stuffing, as many people and families are just happy to be fed a hot meal. So savor those warm feelings and try and be grateful for more than the leftovers on Friday. And remember, it is always better to thanksgive than receive.

We had some wild weather this weekend as a cold front traveling south from Alaska brought buckets of rain, hail, thunder, lightning and a beautiful full arch rainbow that graced the early morning sky on Sunday. It reminds me of the old joke, what’s the technical term for a warm, sunny day which follows two days of rain? It’s called Monday.

So enjoy the four-day weekend and we’ll catch you in the end zone. Aloha, mahalo and later, Mark Sanchez fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA fans. Well, the weather, much like my vertical leap, has changed, as fall is in the air. Here on the central coast, we really don’t get the spectacular fall folliage colors one finds in New England or Colorado, where the aspen trees turn the mountainsides into Goldie Hawn. So today, we are going to discuss this fall classic with the help of writer Debra Byrd, the founder of earthsky.org.

Now I am very connected to the Chinese way of thinking and ordering. Whether it’s spring rolls, chow fun or anything driving along the sweet and sour highway, I’m down with the program. The Chinese were great students of nature and lobster sauce. Autumn is connected in Chinese thought with the direction west, considered to be the direction of dreams, visions and Pleasant Hawaiian vacations.

In the Chinese tradition, the autumn season is associated with the color white, much like today’s Tea Party. This also includes the Beatles White album, the sound of weeping, the Sound of Music, the emotions of both courage and sadness, Smokey Robinson’s “I Second That Emotion,” a white tiger and Kobe Bryant, who’s the “Black Mamba.”

To the Chinese, nature means more than just the cycling of the seasons. Nature is within us and around us, in all things. We know it’s part of Chinese culture to maintain and add to ancient wisdom as with new entrees to old menus.

In contrast, we in the western world tend to replace old ideas with new ideas, like “Law & Order” with “Law & Order: Los Angeles.” So although our western way of thinking encourages advances in things like technology, economics and super-sized meals, the Chinese understanding of natural cycles remains far deeper than ours, like the deep frying one does in preparation of crab rangoon.

Here’s an easy lesson on the Chinese way of thinking about nature, its cycles and black bean sauce. We all experience the fact that things sprout and begin to grow in the spring along with the NBA playoffs. They ignite or bloom in the summer with baseball and reach completeness in late summer with the beginning of NFL football. They begin to dry and wither in autumn at the time of the World Series. They rest in winter during college basketball. In ancient Chinese thought, these five seasons or five ‘phases’ include an inherent understanding that the cycle continues endlessly just like the 24 hours of ESPN, with each period of rest or winter followed by new growth, spring or “SportsCenter.”

Each of the five phases or ’seasons’ of ancient Chinese philosophy carry associations with specific things. These are not to be confused with the Frankie Valli or the Four Seasons, where I like to stay when I’m in New York.

Here’s a simple example. While summer is associated with the the emotion of joy and sunblock, autumn is associated with courage, sadness and the new TV season. It is, because, in autumn, things are dying, like “Lone Star” did on Fox. The light is dying, as the days and my patience grow shorter. Plants, trees and fours are winding down their cycle of growth. Sadness, courage, the raking of leaves and sobbing uncontrollably are tasks and natural emotions as these changes are taking place.

That’s part of what the Chinese philosophy of the five phases or five elements and the chefs from Panda Express are trying to convey. Sadness and madarin chicken are part of the autumn season. Sadness and your choice of fried rice or chow mein isn’t an emotion or choices to be avoided at all costs. Instead, sadness and your choice of two entrees is simply part of nature.

So to celebrate the autumn equinox as the Chinese philosophers did, you might stand facing west while ordering, considered the direction of autumn in ancient Chinese philosophy and all P.F. Chang’s. Just stand for a few moments, honor the ‘westness’ of autumn and then order the Hong Kong Beef with Snow Peas. Consider your dreams and visions, the path on which you’re moving forward through your life and then finish your meal with the Great Wall of Chocolate.

Light white candles against the growing darkness of the season or place white flowers on your table along with an order of shrimp with candied walnuts in a white sauce. White is the color of autumn in the Chinese tradition and color of many Americans enjoying Chinese cuisine during this time period.

Allow yourself to weep for things you have lost, like for Yankee fans the American League Championship Series to the Texas Rangers. Weeping is the sound of this season according to Chinese philosophy, particularly if you live in New York, Philadelphia or are a Red Sox fan.

Find the courage to face what’s ahead, like the Warriors’ not making the playoffs. The Chinese understanding of nature’s cycle is in and around everything and the beautiful thing is you can order it all to go. All things come with egg drop or hot and sour soup, bloom, reach completeness, become brittle and die, then rest. Then the cycle begins anew, with the crispness of a fresh order of green onion pancakes.

So in celebration of our autumn dreams, today we are featuring the second good sunset on the fall, shot from Lighthouse Point on October 1. The amazing part of this night were the pink and purple clouds to the east as the west glowed red. It was like the sky had divided into two parts, and I was able to shoot one from column A and one from column B. I then skipped home and topped off the night with some milk and good fortune cookies.

Here’s a taste of some “Real Time” humor. “A very joyous week. A week where the whole world was watching a bunch of men trying to climb out of a hole they dug for themselves — but enough about the Democrats. Lets talk about those Chilean miners. Americans love Chilean miners. I haven’t seen so much hoopla about an endless procession emerging from a scary hole since the Octomom. One guy had four women waiting for him; there was the wife he never divorced, then there was the woman he lives with, then there was his current girlfriend and then the baby mama. He is now known as the Tiger Woods of mining.” –Bill Maher.

That’s our notes and jolts for the week. Had a chance to check out the action at the O’Neill Cold Water Classic down at Steamer Lane last Thursday morning as the waves and the light were fantastic. There’s a different feeling to this town when the waves are pumping.

Speaking of which, I’m double pumped and ready for the tomorrow’s start of the new NBA season. Like my freshman year at Syracuse, it’s going to be a classic. For you Giants’ rooters, enjoy the World Series and we’ll catch you in McCovey Cove. And don’t forget about the New York Giants and the Cowboys tonight on Monday Night Football. What a wonderful time of the year for those of us with a casual interest in sports.

So enjoy the action and be grateful for the simple things in life, like friends, good health and dial tone. Aloha, mahalo and later, Buster Posey fans.