Good morning and greetings, Open Studio fans. We’re at that magical time of the year where local artists in Santa Cruz County open up their homes and studios to the public. And once again, yours truly is part of this incredible harmonic convergence of arts, crafts and finger foods.

But before we chat about landscape and nature photography from the westside of town, let’s talk a little weather. After a summer that would have left an eskimo’s teeth chattering, the local thermometer hit the century mark on September 25, shattering a 73-year-old-record, which might have been the Doors first album, in which Jim Morrison said to grab some matches and “come on baby light my fire.” This was the first album I ever played over and over again as I still have “no time to wallow in the mire.”

Anyway, this record-breaking heat, the same kind I used to feel from the Feds, was brought on by a high pressure ridge that built up over the entire state. This surpressed the marine layer and any thoughts I had about why I’m never finished medical school.

Then Monday rolled in and the thermometer soared to 103, which tied the record set back in 1970. And as we all know, the tie goes to the runner and with a suit and jacket. But then on Tuesday, things started to cool off once again, as a result of a that high pressuring ridge weakening, like myself when confronted by a piece of chocolate layer cake. This brought in the marine layer and a tall glass of milk.

But if you think it was warm on the central coast on last Monday, it was baking like my honey glazed Easter ham in downtown Los Angeles, where the thermostat hit a scorching 113. I don’t want to say it was a tad warm, but it was so hot, squirrels were handling their nuts with potholders. And at the Betty Ford Clinic in Palm Springs, they said, “screw it. Open the bar. Drinks for everyone.”

Let’s venture on to the photo frontier. Following a warm Tuesday afternoon, parades of clouds gathered in the sky, so I headed down to Stockton Avenue primed for Disney action. This was to be the first sunset of the fall season and it was a winner, winner, chicken dinner.

The waves were pumping full force and the locals were getting big rides up and down West Cliff. As you can see from photos 4 and 5, pink was the flavor of the night, as clouds filled the sky with a full 360 degrees of color. As the title reads, you never forget your first, although sometimes those memories, like the essay I wrote for my college admissions, gets a little hazy.

I’ve been as busy at dusk as a beaver on steroids, as I shot two more gorgeous sunsets this week. In the words of the boys from Thin Lizzy, “spread the word around, the color is back in town.”

On to the late night fun. “At the UN, President Obama called on other countries to help us track down and eliminate radicals and extremists. But they told Obama, ‘Hey, the tea party is your problem, buddy.’ These Tea Party groups are very conservative. In fact, 58 percent of Tea Party members now believe Joe Biden is a Muslim. “President Obama’s approval rating dropped again. Things are so bad, Muslims are accusing him of being Christian. ” –Jay Leno

“Bob Woodward has written a book which states that the White House agonized over the decision to leave Iraq. Too bad no one agonized over the decision to go into Iraq.” –David Letterman “Bristol Palin has denied rumors that she’s dating The Situation from ‘Jersey Shore.’ If The Situation becomes Sarah Palin’s son-in-law, he’d still have the most normal name of any boy in the family.” –Jimmy Fallon “There’s a new opera about Bill Clinton. I don’t know how it ends, but I bet it isn’t with the fat lady singing.” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has written a children’s book. Why not? He’s got nothing else on his plate. “Obama’s book is called ‘The One-Term Engine That Could.'” –David Letterman “In a new interview with Rolling Stone magazine, President Obama said he has Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, and the Rolling Stones on his iPod. Unfortunately, the question was ‘Do you have a plan to fix the economy?'” –Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama has listed the songs on his iPod. The Tea Partiers are checking to see if ‘Born in the USA’ is on the list.” –Jimmy Fallon “BP announced earlier today that they have created a new Safety Division for offshore drilling. In related news, General Custer has just hired a lookout.” –David Letterman “While in New York City, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad met with Louis Farrakhan. I’m not sure where they met, but I think we can rule out the Carnegie Deli.” –Jay Leno

So Open Studios is the next two weekends. I’d love for any of you readers of Sunrise Santa Cruz to come by and check out the photography but more importantly, we can bond for a moment live in person, as this cyber experience of me writing and posting doesn’t take the place of human interaction. And if that’s not enough of a draw, then there’s also juice and cookies. I guaranteee it will be a fun experience and if not you get your money and karma back.

So I hope to see you at Open Studios this coming weekend. Birthday wishes go out on Wednesday to my cousin Gina, who’s an incredible artist and has always had the good fortune to share the same initials with me. And on Thursday, the Dean Smith of anathesiology, Dr. Michael Schur, celebrates his big day. How he finds time to perform his medical duties and write for “The Office” has always amazed me.

So enjoy the baseball playoffs and we’ll catch you later in the postseason. Aloha, mahalo and later, Willie Mays fans.

Good morning and greetings, autumn fans. The fall season is upon us as the summer of 2010, much like my aspirations of sitting on the Supreme Court or dunking on a basketball court, are now history. But the last night of summer left behind a tasty little digital imprint, as yours truly sensed there would be color in the western sky and seized the moment like a fresh pan of eggplant parmesan just out of the oven, which comes with a side of penne pasta and toasted gluten-free garlic nuggets.

So let’s go back in the Chinese calendar to last Tuesday night, before the fall equinox hit me like a blackjack dealer at Harrah’s. Coming into this evening, I had not photographed a sunset the entire summer, and as you know, I’m a big fan of dusk. And there had been nothing on the sunrise front either, so an entire season went by in the sky without me even doffing with my lens cap.

But then the final evening of summer rolled in and clouds covered the sky like Darrelle Revis on Randy Moss running a fly pattern. Before you could say “Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson,” I grabbed my camera and headed over to a little park by my house that overlooks an arroyo and the mountains above UC Santa Cruz.

Now, as many of you and my rabbi know, I’m looking for the reflection action on the water and sand when I shoot sunsets, but because of the positioning of the sun and my daughter, this was not possible on this evening. Or in the words of Mick Jagger, “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you find, you get what you need.” I think I got it but you be the bailiff.

The first shot sets up the location and then we move into zoom mode, or as they say in Israel, “zoom gali gali gali, zoom gali gali.” As our forefathers and mothers penned in the Bill of Rights, we’re guaranteed the best sunrise and sunsets occur in late fall and winter. But every once in a while some early clouds sneak in to remind me why I’m captivated by color in the sky and pilot episodes during the new fall TV season.

As you can see, it helps to have a zoom to capture the colors along the horizon. The next night the autumn harvest moon rose, and without my zoom lens I’d be shooting like the Cleveland Cavaliers without LeBron James. Dead or on life support.

Now not to get too sentimental, but since there are only three days of September left on the calendar before October blows in, I thought, what do we really know about this month? So let’s take a nostalgic look back at some classic events from our ninth month. Or in the words of the Happenings, “see you in September, see you when the summer’s through.” And for those of you keeping a scorecard, that hit rose to #3 on the Billboard charts back in 1966.

The first permanent white settlement in what is now America was founded in St. Augustine, Florida on September 8, 1565. The next day they discovered that the men couldn’t jump. California became the 31st state on September 9, 1850, which later inspired the songs, “California Girls, California Dreamin'” and for sushi lovers, the California roll.

Spanish explorer Vasco Nunez de Balboa sighted the Pacific Ocean on September 25, 1513 and claimed it for Spain and Penelope Cruz. Chile declared its independence from Spain on September 18, 1810 and then announced the creation of the chile relleno.

Francis Scott Key wrote “The Star-Spangled Banner” during the 25 hour bombardment of Fort McHenry on September 14, 1814, which had little effect on its defenders. This so impressed the lawyer, Francis Scott Key, that he wrote the poem and later penned the first draft of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida along with Iron Butterfly. Revolutionary War patriot Nathan Hale was put to death as a spy by British on September 22, 1776. He said “I regret that I have only but one life to lose for my country, and that I will never vacation in Hawaii.”

Congress passed the Selective Service Act, providing for the first peacetime draft in U.S. history on September 14, 1940. Canada’s population doubled the next day. And finally, on September 14, 1963, much to her surprise, Mary Ann Fischer of Aberdeen, South Dakota gave birth to four girls and a boy, the first surviving quintuplets in the United States. The next day she ordered two breast pumps and signed a deal with Fox TV.

The late night boys are back in full force. “You know this Tea Party candidate, Christine O’Donnell is causing a lot of controversy with her kind of unorthodox views. She’s come out against masturbation. You know what that means? She’s out of touch with those voters who are in touch with themselves.” –Jay Leno “She hates masturbation, which is ironic, because she owes her nominations to a bunch of jackoffs. Her detractors say she’s homeless, jobless, and can’t pay her taxes. And her supporters say, ‘Finally, someone who represents the average American.” –Bill Maher

“In Delaware, Christine O’Donnell won a huge upset in the primaries, but she has some problems. Karl Rove has accused her of lying. When the guy that told 300 million Americans there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq says you’re lying, he knows what he’s talking about. I don’t know a lot about Christine O’Donnell, but she has some interesting views. She has come out against masturbation. And you thought the war on drugs was unwinnable. This Christine O’Donnell is a very conservative woman. Not only is she against premarital sex, she is against masturbation. She even wants to outlaw beef jerky.” –Jay Leno

“Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell is taking criticism because she once said she dabbled in witchcraft. Yeah, everyone is talking about this. O’Donnell was like, ‘If one more person claims I’m a witch, I will take legal action against them and their little dog, too! Sarah Palin made a high profile appearance at a Republican fundraising dinner in Iowa. She didn’t actually say she’s running for president. She just winked it in Morse code.
Carl Paladino, New York’s Republican candidate for governor, said that Manhattan is home to smug, self-important, pampered, liberal elitists. He sounds just like my butler.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The premiere of ‘Hawaii Five-0’ was a great episode. The cops were looking around and they accidentally stumbled upon Obama’s birth certificate.” –David Letterman Everybody is talking about Bob Woodward’s new book, ‘Obama’s War.’ In the book, he says Joe Biden called Middle East advisor Richard Holbrooke, ‘the most egotistical bastard I’ve ever.’ Then Rahm Emanuel’s like, ‘What am I, invisible?’ Bristol Palin made her debut on ‘Dancing With The Stars’ and after a lot of speculation, Sarah Palin was not there to see it in person. However, she could see it from her house.” –Jimmy Fallon

So that’s our last blast for September. On the entertainment front, my eyes are bleeding from the first week of the new fall TV season so here’s a quick review. My favorite new sitcom is, “Raising Hope,” on Fox, which I found quite amusing. On the drama front, the winner was “Boardwalk Empire” on HBO. Love that Atlantic City locale. Remember, it’s not TV, it’s HBO.

So enjoy the late September heat wave and we’ll catch you at midfield. Aloha, mahalo and later, Denard Robinson fans.

Good morning and greetings, August fans. Well, July 2010 is now history, and it will not go down as the warmest month of my life. Officially, that would have been November of 1952, when I spent the month perfecting my back stroke in the amniotic fluid. Which reminds me of the old joke, “waiter, there’s a fly in my soup. Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.” Or “don’t worry, the spider on your bread will get him.”

Anyway, I was at my daughter’s championship softball game last Wednesday night, and I don’t want to say it was chilly, but my electric blanket was shivering. Now, while we’ve been experiencing frigid summer weather, folks on the east coast have been sweating like Levi Johnston alone with Sarah Palin on a moose hunting trip.

I bring up this meteorological data up because my wife, children and various nannies just left on a ten day trip to New York City. Now, my bride has spent some time back east enjoying the wonders of the heat and humidity, but my son and daughter have never enjoyed that special feeling of extreme discomfort one gets from being in an summer sauna. As the slogan says, I love New York, especially when the humidity is over 100 percent.

Back in the old country, on those days of stifling heat and unbearable humidity, we would just lock down the compound, turn on the air conditioning and wait for Yankee baseball. And of course, there would be runs to the sacred Pizza King for a slice or a chicken parmesan sandwich. As I used to tell our family psychiatrist, “a slice a day keeps the doctor away.”

Which brings us back to New York, New York, the insomniac city that never sleeps. So much to do and see and be afraid of. The Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, Wall Street, the Museum of Unnatural History, Yankee Stadium, Hell’s Kitchen, Times Square, Madison Square Garden, Ground Zero, Little Italy, Big Italy and of course, Chinatown, featuring Hop Kee at 21 Mott Street, a true Cantonese experience that’s open till 4am on weekends. Reports are that the lo mein and wor shu gui chicken are still why God created chopsticks.

Throw in the Disunited Nations, Late Night with David Letterman, Rockefeller Front and Center and riding the New York City subways and you’ve had yourself quite a day. I would love to have gone on this trip and visited my ancestor’s sacred burial grounds, but Tommy Wolfe called to remind me that “you can’t go home again,” so I had to pass.

So for those of you who’ve never been to New York or who just love Derek Jeter, here are a few fun facts about the city they say is the greatest in the world. It was once said, if you stand at Times Square long enough, you’ll see the entire world walk or crawl by.

The Dutch purchased the island of Manhattan (really its southern tip) from the Algonquin tribe for trinkets, tools and some duct tape worth about $24. With that they built the Holland Tunnel. More than 60 percent of NYC’s residents do not own a car, a percentage higher than in any other city in the United States. Of the 60 percent who do own cars, 50 percent have had them stolen. The New York subway system is the largest mass transit system in the world with 468 stations and 842 miles of track that runs 24 hours a day. An average of 4.9 million people ride the New York City subway each weekday, with 3.9 million wishing the person next to them would move over a little bit.

New York City has 4,000 street food vendors selling hot dogs, pretzels, falafel, kebobs, and fake Rolexes. The first pizzeria in the United States was opened in NYC in 1895 by Gennaro Lombardi and his brother Pepperoni. Toilet paper was invented by NYC resident Joseph C. Gayetty in 1857, after enjoying a desert of plum pudding. America’s first vending machines were installed in the subways of New York City in 1888, and were broken into for the first time later that same day.

New York’s Yellow Cabs are yellow because John Hertz, the company’s founder, craved daffodils and learned from a study that yellow was the easiest color for the eye to spot. The “New York Post,” established in 1803 by Alexander Hamilton, is the oldest running newspaper in the United States and the place were my thoughts about the NBA could be consistently read by inquiring minds throughout the 1990’s. And finally, New York City is the most populated city in the USA with more than 8.2 million people. 37 percent of the city’s population is foreign-born, which makes this the U.S. city with people utterering obscenities in the most foreign languages at 170.

Moving on to our photo festivities, I like to start out each new month with some color and play-by play. Now, I shoot sunrises and sunsets in August about as often as I admire what the Republicans are doing in Washington, so it came as a bigger surprise than my SAT scores when this sunset hit the skies back on August 5, 2008.

I was shooting this parade of clouds from Stockton Avenue along West Cliff Drive. What added to the drama were the unending chains of pelicans flying thru this glowing festival of light, with some more than sixty strong, adding a Nature Channel bonus to this blessed event. And if that wasn’t enough, a rainbow appeared in the eastern sky, making this the most photographically spectacular August evening since Chelsea Clinton’s bachelorette party.

On to the late night. “Vice President Joe Biden has declared that the heavy lifting is over for the year, and it’s time to begin campaigning and talking about the White House’s accomplishments. The heavy lifting might be over, but it sounds like the heavy shoveling is just beginning.” –Jay Leno “WikiLeaks has posted over 90,000 classified documents about the war in Afghanistan. The Pentagon is outraged, the White House is furious, but British Petroleum is relieved: ‘Finally, a leak we had nothing to do with.'” –Jay Leno “Leaked documents show that Pakistan has been taking American money and using it to fund the Taliban. The Pakistanis are denying it, and they’re like, ‘The Taliban bought those iPods with their own money.'” –Craig Ferguson

“Congress’ approval rating has hit an all-time low of 11 percent. To give you an idea of how bad that is, the BP oil spill is at 12 percent.” –Jay Leno “BP is firing its CEO, Tony Hayward. They’re negotiating a settlement for $18 million. Boy, that’ll teach him.” –David Letterman “BP CEO Tony Hayward complained that he was unfairly ‘demonized’ in the U.S. over his handling of the Gulf oil spill. In response, demons complained that they were unfairly compared to BP CEO Tony Hayward.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Continental announced a new feature called ‘self boarding.’ There’s no ticket agent taking your boarding pass anymore, and you scan it yourself as you board the plane. It’s part of Continental’s ‘Terrorists Fly Hassel-free’ program.” –Jay Leno “A federal judge has blocked Arizona’s immigration law. Immigrants have been celebrating and throwing confetti. The governor of Arizona said, ‘Sure, now they’re showing us their papers.'” –Craig Ferguson Starbucks’ profits went up 37 percent in the third quarter of this year. They say they owe the increase to their new strategy of opening a Starbucks inside an existing Starbucks.” –Jimmy Fallon

So Jeb Bush is running for president. I don’t know about the rest of the country, but thank God, ladies and gentlemen, the comedy recession is over! “A lot of security at the Chelsea Clinton wedding, a huge security detail, and that’s just to keep Bill from the bridesmaids.” -David Letterman “Facebook now has 500 million users. The previous record holder was heroin.” –Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our first blast for of the new month. Special birthday wishes on August 7 go out to my favorite daughter Aimee, who’s turning sweet 13 and growing more beautiful and entertaining every day. Celebrating on this same day is my old Hermosa Beach pal Bruce Meyers, who when he hears the word “strand,” doesn’t think hair. Also joining the parade this day is my old Syracuse partner in crime, Rhonda Starer, who first turned me on to the the wonders of Hop Kee and chow fun. Then on the 8th, my favorite microbiologist, Dr. Charlotte Borgeson, celebrates her special day with cake, ice cream and a lecture on the wonders of mozzarella cheese.

Reports from the Big Apple say the humidity is on hold, so my family got luckier than Heat fans in Miami. So enjoy the good moments of the day. And if you know someone who’s not doing so well on the health front, say a little prayer for them. We’ll catch you down the left field line. Aloha, mahalo and later, Lance Berkman fans.

Good morning and greetings, fireworks fans. I know many of you are enjoying the holiday but perhaps wondering, how come most of us are not working today? So as part of my patriotic duty and for the fact that I love singing “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy,” with the help of Wikipedia, answers.com and my unending stream of semi-conciousness, here’s a quick refresher course on why kids blowing off their fingers and firecrackers on the Fourth of July has become part of the American landscape.

In the United States, Alaska and Hawaii , Independence Day is a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence which declared our independence from the Great Britain, which except for their language, wasn’t really all that great. The Fourth of July is commonly associated with fireworks, parades, barbecues, fist fights, carnivals, fairs, picnics, drunken driving arrests, concerts, baseball games, domestic violence and political speeches that help celebrate one of America’s great three-day weekends.

The trial separation of the American colonies from Great Britain occurred on July 2, 1776, when the Second Continental Congress voted to approve a resolution of independence along with an internship for Monica Lewinsky. Congress then turned its attention to the Declaration of Independence, which had been prepared by a Committee of Five and the Five Stairsteps, with Thomas Jefferson as its principal author. Congress debated and revised the Declaration, finally approving it on July 4. A day earlier, John Adams texted to his wife Abigail:

“The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America, and not just because most Americans will be home from work. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival and blowout mattress sale day. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty and Major League Baseball. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more, or at least until we restore our economy, exit Iraq and Afghanistan, and clean up that damn oil spill.”

Adams’ prediction and my birth were off by two days. In a remarkable coincidence, both Adams and Thomas Jefferson, two founding fathers of the United States and the only two men who signed the Declaration of Independence to later become president, died within hours of each other on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the United States’ 50th anniversary, and the same day of birth as my high school homecoming queen, Vicki Grimsland, the Michelle Pfeiffer of Fort Lee High. Happy birthday, Vicki, and will you please sign my yearbook.

The Declaration of Independence declared. “We hold these truths to be self-evident,
that all men (with the exception of Michael Jordan) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Coincedentally, this is the same oath I had take from Direct TV when I ordered by NBA League Pass.

With these memorable words, Thomas Jefferson, at the age of 33, laid the cornerstone for the United States of America and later his late wife’s half sister, Sally Hemings. The Declaration of Independence invokes the principle of natural rights and lefts. These are the basic rights of which each individual is possessed, and of which he cannot be stripped by society or government except during the George W. Bush administration.

The adoption of the Declaration of Independence and the opening of the first Circuit City took place against the backdrop of ongoing Revolutionary War hostilities. When the signers affixed their John Hancocks and signatures upon the document they were, in the words of the group Triumph, “laying it on the line,” since there was a bounty on the revolutionaries’ heads. Who knew this kind of trouble could come from absorbent paper towels that clean up the smallest spills and biggest messes.

When Benjamin Franklin said, upon signing the Declaration of Independence, “We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately,” it was no less than the literal truth. Just ask Saddam Hussein. Fifty-six men and a notary public signed the first copy of the Declaration of Independence. John Hancock, as president of Congress, was first, and he famously wrote his name front, center and large, right before cutting the ribbon on opening of his first insurance company. Remember, for all your financial needs, we have the solution. We’re John Hancock.

Let’s move on to this week’s photo sunspots. Traditionally, July is not a big month for sunrises or the cleanup of the biggest environmental disaster in world history. Looking back into the archives, I have only photographed one July morning sky blowing up over Monterey Bay in the past five years. This is due to coastal fog, lack of clouds and the fact that my contract with National Geographic allows me to sleep in past 5:30 am in the summer.

This central coast beauty graced our skies in July of 2006. It was a warm summer morning, a day that Michelle Obama probably went sleeveless. I woke up from my usual dream of not having studied for my test after not being able to find my car keys while being buck naked. So with that fine start to the day, I grabbed my Miley Cyrus mug, filled it with Red Bull and headed down to the coast.

As you know, when it comes to sunrises, I don’t stray far from Lighthouse Point. But at this time of the year, the sun rises further to the east, so I headed to Cowell’s Beach for the low tide equinox. Surfers were out in full force, as the offshore winds had me swaying as gently as a dancer at a Taliban bachelor party. As you can see, it was a fantastic start to the day, as the clouds, the reflection on the sand and the voices in my head all came together for this convergence of morning light.

On to the late night. “Sunday is July 4, when America combines our two favorite pastimes: alcohol and explosives. The fireworks are beautiful to look at, but more importantly, they drown out the gunfire.” –David Letterman “July 4 is my favorite holiday. No presents, no church, just a lighter and a trunk full of explosives.
Here’s a fireworks safety tip. Don’t get drunk and leave bottle rockets on the grill unless you want to see your hot dogs fly, which is fun too. For the second day, there were no World Cup games. I missed the sound of vuvuzelas so much that I taped a beehive to my head.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“BP’s company newsletter has an article that says most gulf residents aren’t upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy. BP taking credit for boosting the economy in the gulf is like al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Here’s something great. Russian spy ring here in New York City. They were busted in New York City. Once again, they were spotted by an alert T-shirt vendor. The Russian spies tried to blend in. They were acting like Americans. As a matter of fact, for two weeks, they were pretending they loved soccer.” –David Letterman

So that’s our first blast for July 2010. Yesterday, I drove by a cemetery, where hundreds of American flags were blowing in the wind. And then it hit me like a ton of emotional bricks, this is what this holiday is all about. For all our faults, God Bless America, home of the brave, land of the free. Or as they say in the NBA, “my country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of free agency.” LeBron James, of thee I sing.

Anyway, take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be an American. Or a National Leaguer. We’ll catch you in the bullpen. Aloha, mahalo and later, Larry King fans.

Good morning and greetings, summer solstice fans. As you know, the Katie Couric in me likes to report on the important news of the day. Whether we’re talking the oil spill, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan or the secret to those “nooks and crannies” in Thomas’ English Muffins, I don’t want my cyber peeps to miss out on anything important that occurs on my watch.

So you may not have seen this next story, reported by Randolph E. Schmid for the Associated Press, but fear not, my weekly readers, for I have it covered like buttercream frosting on a triple fudge chocolate cake.

Ethel Merman once crooned, “there’s no business like shoe business.” Well, about 5,500 years ago, or around the birth of John McCain, someone in the mountains of Armenia put their best foot forward in what is now the oldest leather shoe ever found. It will never be confused with a clog, a Jimmy Choo or Cinderella’s glass slipper, but this well-preserved Prince Charming of footwear was made of a single piece of leather, laced up the front and back, like a Paris Hilton sweat suit.

Worn and shaped by the wearer’s right foot, the shoe was found in a cave along with an argyle sock and an insert from Dr. Scholl’s. The shoe had been stuffed with grass, a lawn mower and a tiny rake, which all dated back to the same time as the leather of the shoe – between 5,637 and 5,387 years ago.

“This is great luck,” enthused archaeologist and mocassin collector Ron Pinhasi of University College Cork in Cork, Ireland, who led the research team. “We normally only find broken pots, egg timers and microwaves, but we have very little information about the day-to-day activity” of these ancient people. “What did they eat? What did they do? What did they wear? What was Bernie Madoff thinking? This gives us a real glimpse into their society and secretive hedge-funds.”

Previously the oldest leather shoe discovered in Europe or Asia was on the famous Otzi, the “Iceman” found frozen in the Alps a few years ago and now preserved in Italy. Well, either that or a Chuck Taylor hightop Converse sneaker dating back to the early Harlem Globetrotter days. Otzi’s shoes were made of deer and bear leather held together by a leather strap. The Armenian shoe appears to be made of cowhide, which is very similar to a pair of leather chaps I bought at a rodeo in San Francisco.

Older sandals and a pair of Ugg Boots have been found in a cave in the state of Missouri, but those were made of fiber rather than leather. The shoe found in what is now Armenia was found in a pit, along with a broken pot, some wild goat horns and a letter of apology from Tiger Woods.

It’s not clear if the grass that filled the shoe was intended as a lining or insulation, to maintain the shape of the shoe when it was stored or an early cure for preventive glaucoma. The Armenian shoe was small by current standards – European size 37 or U.S. women’s size 7 – but might have fit a man of that era, like a young Wayne Newton or Pee Wee Herman.

While the Armenian shoe was soft like a piece of brie cheese when it was unearthed, the leather has begun to harden like Coach Bobby Knight since it has been exposed to air. And unlike a lot of old shoes, it didn’t smell, which explains the bottle of Dr. Scholl’s Odor Destroyer All Day Deodorant Spray found nearby.

Pinhasi says the shoe is currently at the Institute of Archaeology in Yerevan, but he hopes it will be sent to laboratories in either Switzerland or Germany where it can be treated for preservation with Desenex Antifungal Spray and then returned to Armenia for display in a museum or a Lady Foot Locker. Because as we all know, the shoe must go on.

Moving on to our photo funhouse, in honor of the first day of summer, we’re featuring the first sunrise of the new decade (photos #1-2.) On the morning of January 1, 2010, I journeyed down to West Cliff Drive to meditate and greet the new millenium. It was an overcast morning, but then a hint of light appeared in the east, and as I strummed “this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius” on my autoharp, the sky broke and this delightful color appeared. There is something to be said about being first or a Yankee fan.

We follow this sunrise with a beautiful sunset from eleven days later. These rich images were captured at Natural Bridges as January was a spectacular month for experiencing the pagentry and colors of the coastal sky and for returning holiday gifts. My favorite image is #5, as I zoomed in on this squadron of pelicans heading south at happy hour, who, I found out later, were headed for the early bird special.

On to the late night fun fare. “President Obama is now in the Gulf of Mexico. This is his fourth visit since the spill. So the president has been down there four times. And the head of BP is saying, ‘Well see, it hasn’t affected tourism.’ “Thanks to BP, the Gulf now has two new islands: self-service and full.” –David Letterman “There is good news! BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information. There is good news. Scientists sent a probe down there in the Gulf of Mexico today and they found traces of seawater.” –Bill Maher

“Here’s a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re capturing it with ducks. The White House said today that BP is moving up its timeline for containing the oil by two weeks. They said they’d get it ‘done, even if they have to work six hours a day, four days a week.’ “There’s some good economic news here. Employers plan to hire 5 percent more college graduates this year than in 2009. Unfortunately, almost all these jobs involve rubber gloves, paper towels, and a one-way ticket to the Gulf of Mexico.” –Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, BP has the worst safety record of all the oil companies. They’ve paid over $372 million in fines. Oh, they don’t call them fines. They call them ‘campaign contributions.'” –Jay Leno “The U.S. will face England in the World Cup, and the U.S. ambassador and the U.K. ambassador have made a friendly wager on the game. If England wins, we have to buy their ambassador tea and crumpets, and if we win, they have to buy us a new ocean. “Did you hear about this? In Afghanistan, the U.S. has discovered large deposits of iron, copper, cobalt, gold, and lithium. Or, as most people would call it, ‘not Osama bin Laden.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Today, President Obama finally met with BP’s CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked.” –Jimmy Fallon “These British Petroleum guys can’t do anything right. The chairman of BP, Carl-Henric Svanberg, told reporters that sometimes large oil companies are greedy and don’t care, but ‘not BP. We care about the small people.’ That’s what he called the residents of the Gulf — ‘the small people.’ But to be fair, English is not the guy’s first language. Money is. See, the problem is I do believe they care about the small people. Problem is, they don’t care about the big leak.” –Jay Leno

“And then today, the president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the gulf. And I’m thinking, good luck. They can’t even clean up their gas station restrooms.” –David Letterman David Letterman’s “Top Ten Things Overheard During President Obama’s Meeting with Tony Hayward” 7.”Speaking of leaks, where’s the men’s room?”
6.”Thanks for giving my administration something to worry about besides two wars, a crushing debt, global warming and the worst economy in 70 years” 2.”Biden, please, enough with the vuvuzela”

That’s our first post for the summer of 2010. Congratulations go out to Kobe Bryant and the Los Angeles Lakers for knocking off the Boston Celtics in a hard-fought, seven game series to capture their second consecutive NBA title. It’s always sad when the short, eight month NBA season comes to end, but it will give me a chance to work on my poetry, song writing and body sculpting.

So enjoy the official start of summer, the longest Monday of the year and we’ll catch you at the NBA draft. Aloha, mahalo and later, Phil Jackson fans.

Good morning and greetings, lipid and protein fans. As I mentioned last week, I was going in for a blood test to see if I was ending my life long love affair with sugar. Well, the test results are back and, according to the Surgeon General, I’m as healthy as a horse, or at least a young shetland pony.

The concern was my cholesterol, which is the soft, fat-like, waxy substance found in the bloodstream, cells and rain gutters. It was a tad high, so about a year ago, I starting downing Omega-3 fish oil pills like they were Good & Plenty. And then, in the words of Gomer Pyle, “surprise, surprise,” my cholesterol went up.

My doctor, astrologer and caddie were somewhat bewildered by this turn of events, being that the 4,000 milligrams a day of this supplement was supposed to lower my cholesterol by 30%, along with improving my mood, the health of my heart and my golf swing. Not only did I not get the desired results, but I was somewhat depressed and frequently had the urge to to swim upstream.

My doctor then informed me that even if I had the perfect grain and fiber diet, exercised like a maniac and brushed after every Hershey’s with almonds bar, it was possible, because of the genetics that were passed down to me by my mother who didn’t breast feed me, that my cholesteol would still be too high.

Now, I realize that people reading this without cholesterol problems might not be mesmerized by my health issues, but the lack of NBA playoff games last week combined with LeBron James’ bizarre disappearing act took an awful toll on me. The second round of the playoffs were as disappointing as the Haromonic Convergence.

Let me take you back to 1987, when I ventured out onto the point at Steamer Lane. It was on the instructions from my guru, Baba Haagan Daaz, that I gathered at this power center in search of some spiritual energy. This day of planetary alignment was supposed to be a global awakening to love, unity and sports through divine transformation. Instead, all I witnessed was a Norweigan rat scurrying by that almost knocked over my table of crystals.

Anyway, after my previous blood test, my doctor said that except for the mild hallucinations, I was okay for now, but that someday I would have to go on statins. Well, the only statin I’m interested in being on is the Staten Island ferry. I’ve never been on any prescribed medication and really have no interest in joining the Lipitor family. I prefer to have liver problems the natural way, like too much Manischewitz.

Since the Omega-3 pills didn’t do the trick, I had one last card to play. We’re talking Red Yeast Rice, a supplement which has been in the traditional Chinese diet for centuries, dating back to the early days of mu shu pork. It’s also a natural statin. Recently, I discovered that it only works in one of every three people, so I had to ask myself the question posed by Clint Eastwood to the killer in “Dirty Harry.” “Do I feel lucky. Well, do you, punk?”

So here’s the good part. After taking my newest Chinese friend for seven months, my cholesterol dropped 30 points, along with my triglycerides, LDL cholesterol and golf scores. And this was at a time when I didn’t lose any weight, didn’t stick with my vegan diet and got as much exercise as a veal chop.

So I’m grateful for this supplement and a clean bill of health. I am now free do the things I’ve always wanted, like explore the Amazon, climb Mount Everest and tape the IronMan Triathalon. Well, either that or watch “Weeds” on DVD, consume the mounds of pad see ew (the Thai version of chow fun) while contemplating the question that scholars have been asking themselves for centuries, “why does TiVo keep erasing shows that I haven’t watched yet?”

Let’s move to our photo showcase. A couple of Fridays back, I spent the afternoon in lovely Pebble Beach, then returned home just in time to capture some color on the horizon. Spring sunsets are different here on the central coast, as we don’t get the outrageous clouds and intense hues that we get in the wintertime. Still, nothing says goodbye to the day quite like an Oscar-winning performance by the gathering clouds at dusk. Well, either that or an episode of “Seinfeld” that I’ve seen a dozen times.

Let’s head to the late night action. “Hey, here’s some good news. The price of oil has dropped by $12 a barrel. I mean, why buy it when you can just scoop it out of the water?” –Jay Leno “This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded. But these British Petroleum executives are trying to spin this a little bit. I heard one guy say today that it’s a good thing, actually, because now when you open a clam, the hinge doesn’t squeak.” –David Letterman

“Prison inmates in Louisiana are now pitching in to clean up the Gulf Coast oil spill. At this point, the solutions have been dump chemicals in the ocean, shoot a bunch of garbage under water and release prisoners. If none of that works, they’re going to have Al Qaeda come take a look at it.” –Jimmy Fallon “The Obama administration has revealed the size of America’s nuclear arsenal. The U.S. has 5,113 warheads, approximately 1,000 of them aimed at China, 1,000 aimed at Russia, and the rest aimed at Fox News. Well, in China, the one child limit may be on its way out because Chinese experts say there aren’t enough babies in the country anymore. To give you an idea how bad it’s getting, some factories over there are now being forced to hire adults.” –Jay Leno

“The stock market took a dive today. It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen. “And to protest Arizona’s tough new immigration law, a lot of people now boycotting products made in that state. This could cripple the bolo tie industry.” –Jay Leno “Britain’s current prime minister, Gordon Brown, announced that he is stepping down and his replacement might be the education secretary, a gentleman named Ed Balls. I would like to make a plea on behalf of late night talk show hosts and bad comedians everywhere — I implore the voters of Britain to make sure that happens. ” –Craig Ferguson

So that’s our medical report for the week. Good news for TV fans as “Friday Night Lights” has returned to NBC. That’s right, Coach Taylor and his wife Tami, played by the lovely Connie Britton are back, and I am semi-ecstatic. No TV show, with the exception of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” gets me going emotionally like this one about high school football in Texas. Of course, it’s not just about football, but the guys who write the show, unlike the execs running TransOcean, BP Or Halliburton, really know what they’re doing. Magnificent, fabulous TV that never disappoints.

So as I write this, the volcano is once again pluming ash in the air over Europe, black oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico and the red shirts are rioting in streets of downtown Bangkok. Let’s just hope, for the sake of Saint’s fans, they can stop that leak. So be grateful we don’t have tornadoes here in California and we’ll catch you at the postgame podium. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kyle Chandler fans.

Good morning and greetings, nuclear disarmament fans. Well, spring is in full bloom, and for allergy sufferers, April flowers bring congestion, sneezing, runny noses and the urge to rip out the back of your throat. Fortunately for me, all I’m allergic to is penicillin and Fox News, so I’m on a sinus roll.

So while a good segment of the population is experiencing that postnasal drip, headachey, watery eye type of feeling, my wandering eye was elsewhere. For today’s story, we head to the far northeastern corner of our nation, a place where the sun rises first. It was filed by CLARKE CANFIELD of the Associated Press. And as you know, four of out five dentists recommend the Associated Press for their patients who are looking for material to entertain their blog readers with.

For the past 135 years, sardine canneries have been as much a part of Maine’s small coastal villages as clam chowder served in a sourdough bread bowl on the Santa Cruz wharf. It’s been estimated that more than 400 canneries have come and gone as the lone survivor, the Stinson Seafood plant, shut down last week after a century in operation. It is the last sardine cannery not just in Maine, but in the United States. In the words of Don McLean, “bye, bye, Miss American Sardine Pie.”

Like english muffins, french toast and Penelope Cruz, sardines were once considered an imported delicacy. They are any of dozens of small, oily, cold-water fish that are part of the herring family that are sold in tightly packed cans. They are very familiar to me as I once had a ballroom dance instructor who was a very cold fish.

The first U.S. sardine cannery opened in Maine in 1875. Dozens of plants soon popped up, sounding whistles, loud horns, and a medly of Bee Gees’ greatest hits to alert local workers when a boat came in with its catch. By 1900 there were 75 canneries, where knife-wielding men, women, robbers and young children expertly sliced off heads and tails and removed innards before packing them tight into sardine tins, like riders on a New York subway train at rush hour.

Production at Maine canneries has been sliding since peaking at 384 million cans in 1950. Last year, Stinson produced 30 million cans. As Robert Plant used to ask in the middle of Stairway to Heaven, “does anyone remember sardines?”

Still, it came as a surprise to employees when Bumble Bee Foods LLC announced in February that the plant would close. The plant was under pressure from shrinking consumer demand, increased foreign competition and the that fact that diners could never get that intense fishy smell off their fingers.

Sardines at one time were an inexpensive staple for many Americans who packed them into their lunchboxes and shirt pockets. Ronnie Peabody, who runs the Maine Coast Sardine History Museum and a Popeye’s Chicken in the town of Jonesport, has a cookbook published in 1950 called “58 Ways to Serve Sardines.” It includes recipes for sardine soup, casserole, parmesan, creamed sardines and spinach and my personal favorite, spaghetti and sardine balls.

Sardine consumption began falling decades ago, he said, after canned tuna came on the market and Americans’ tastes changed. In Monterey, California, a group of self-described “sardinistas,” who deny ever trying to overthrow the government of Nicaragua, have taken on the task of trying to get Americans to eat more sardines. The group is formulating a business plan in hopes of returning “the lowly sardine to the American palate and bring and NFL team to Los Angeles,” said Mike Sutton, a vice president at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

But not canned sardines. That’s over, Johnny. Sutton’s group wants to promote fresh sardines sold at fine dining establishments like Wienerschnitzel or in prepared foods at retail stores, much the way tuna, salmon and Pepperidge Farm goldfish are now sold.

“We recognize the American public turns their noses up at sardines,” Sutton said. “It may be a challenge and it may be insurmountable, but our motto is ‘It’s not your grandfather’s sardine.'”

Well, my grandfather, who loved the New York Yankees and break dancing, never showed any fondness for sardines. I’ve never had a bite of sardines in my life. But I remember when I was a youngster, we’d grab our fishing poles and head down to the river to catch catfish, crayfish and my grandpa’s favorite, gefilte fish. We’d come home, fry them up and then just text each other all night. Ah, life along the Mississippi.

But wait, there’s more. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have written a letter to Maine Governor John Baldacci encouraging him to press for something other than seafood processing at the site of the recently closed Stinson plant. PETA official Tracy Reiman says “lobsters and fish are smart, sensitive and unique individuals who should be respected, not killed and canned.” Reiman suggests using the plant to package blueberries instead of seafood. I think she may have a point. Fish are considered brain food, they swim in schools, and when was the last time you heard someone say, “look, you stupid trout.”

So let’s move on to today’s photo fantasy tour. For you Alex Trebek fans, this is what is known as the daily double, the sunrise and sunset from the same day. We’re heading back to early January, when this amazing color filled the morning sky down at Lighthouse Point. Later that day, after watching a little Jeopardy, I came back down to the cliff as returning champion to finish my task, and you can see the the results. The final shot was taken after the sun had set and featured some really unusual colors-I hadn’t see those kind of hues since I wandered into the Rainbow Family’s meditation circle at Woodstock.

Let’s bring on the late night fun. “As you probably know, the volcano on the tiny island of Iceland has shut down air traffic. President Obama had to cancel his trip to Poland. President Obama said he hopes the volcano will stop smoking soon and the volcano said the same thing about him.” –Jimmy Kimmel “The volcanic ash from Iceland disrupted air travel all over Europe. Everything’s grounded. Commercial flights. Private jets. The only thing still flying — Toyotas. “President Obama and some prominent Democrats proposed a solution to the erupting volcano — they want to pour money into it. “According to a top Iranian cleric, earthquakes and volcanoes are caused by women wearing immodest clothing. Or as most guys would call it: a fair trade-off.” –Jay Leno

“The British government sent a warship to France to bring home stranded Britons. There was an embarrassing moment — when the ship pulled up to the port, the French immediately surrendered.” –Jay Leno “The volcano cloud is gritty ash and it’s making its way toward Russia. In fact, Sarah Palin can see it from her house.” –David Letterman “Sarah Palin got an iPad and she was complaining that it’s not really that absorbent.” –Bill Maher “Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.” –Jon Stewart

“Well, the government said today Somali pirates being held in U.S. custody will be brought to the United States for prosecution, and they will be tried by a jury of their peers. So I’m guessing that’s what, Goldman Sachs? Well, just four days after Goldman Sachs cost investors $12 billion by failing to tell them that they’re being investigated for fraud, they gave out another $5.4 billion in bonuses. Huh? Even Somali pirates are going, ‘Come on! This is rather disturbing. A government panel made up of all retired military personnel says that the school lunches are a threat to our national security because they make our kids too fat to serve the country. It’s unbelievable. Remember the old days, when the Army wanted the best and the brightest? Now they’re stuck with the biggest and the widest.” –Jay Leno

So that’s our final blast for April. The NBA playoffs are going full tilt and the action was hot and heavy last week. Laker fans are sweating like Bernie Madoff waiting in the shower line. So enjoy the warm days, sunny skies and we’ll catch you at the scorer’s table. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kevin Durant fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA playoff fans. Yes, once again it’s the time of year when I climb the stairway to basketball heaven, or as TNT so elegantly states it, “40 games in 40 nights.” Despite the Golden State Warriors barely missing out on the playoffs, I can honestly say that I’ve never seen my wife so excited about the postseason. Or in her words, “when are these games going to be over?” NBA, where amazing marriages happen.

But even as prepare for my annual pilgramage to baskeball mecca, I still have time to stay in touch with important world events. Once again, something caught my iris and cornea this week that I felt should be shared with this audience. It comes from Associated Press writer Jim Gomez, reporting from Manila in the Philippines, with some natural enhancement from yours truly.

In a study released in late March, researchers have concluded that a giant, golden-spotted monitor lizard discovered in the forested mountains of the Philippines six years ago is a new species. The 6.5-foot-long lizard was first spotted in 2004 in the Sierra Madre mountains on the main island of Luzon when researchers saw local Agta tribesmen carrying one of the dead reptiles along with a pair of Imelda Marcos’ black stiletto pumps.

But it took until last year to determine it was a new species. After capturing an adult, researchers from the University of Kansas and the National Museum of the Philippines obtained DNA samples that helped confirm the lizard was new to science and not involved with any terrorist attacks in Indonesia.

The Northern Sierra Madre Forest Monitor Lizard feasts on fruits, snails and puppy dog tails rather than carcasses, unlike many monitors, including its larger relative, the Komodo dragon. It has unique claws that allow it to climb trees to reach its favorite fruits and open jars for small native women.

“I knew as soon as I saw the animal that it was something special,” said Luke Welton, a graduate student and cheerleader at the University of Kansas and one of the co-authors of the study.

It is not that unusual to find a new species of tiny fish, frog, insect or politician these days. But Welton and his colleagues said it was a “rare occurrence” to discover such a large vertebrate, particularly on an island hit by deforestation, nearby development and sky high health care premiums. They compared their find to the 1993 discovery of the forest-dwelling Saola ox in Vietnam, a new monkey species discovered in the highlands of Tanzania in 2006 and the discovery of Ross Perot on the presidential ballot in 1996.

Eric R. Pianka, a lizard expert and badminton player at the University of Texas at Austin, said in an e-mail interview that it was an “incredible find.” Fran Tarkenton and Cathy Lee Cosby both agreed, saying “that’s incredible.”

“This is truly a spectacular discovery,” Pianka said, which is the same way I felt when I learned my new TiVo could record two programs at the same time. “Worldwide, there are about 60-plus species of monitor lizards. In all probability, some as yet undescribed species will be found on various islands in Indonesia, along with voting ballots from Florida from the 2000 Presidential election” he said.

The new lizard is related to two other fruit-eating monitors in the Philippines, all of which have seen their numbers drop significantly due habitat destruction, hunting and trapping for the pet trade and baby boomers need for baby monitors.

“We hope that by focusing on protection of this new monitor, conservation biologists, policy makers and Angelina Jolie can work together to protect the remaining highly imperiled forests of northern Luzon,” said Rafe Brown, leader of the team that discovered the new species. And if that doesn’t work, “we’re just hoping that Sarah Palin won’t try to shoot any from a helicopter.”

Wait, there’s more. In an article written by James Owens for National Geographic News, “You could stay in that forest for years and have absolutely no idea that these monitors are there,” says biologist and trapeze artist Daniel Bennett. Much like myself, “they are incredibly secretive and spend all their time high up in trees, more than 66 feet above the ground.” Similar lizard species spend less than 20 minutes on the ground per week, he added, and that’s just to pay bills, go shopping and watch a little Sportscenter.

Scientists captured specimens of both this new species and the extremely rare but closely related Gray’s monitor lizard. Capturing both types of lizards was crucial, because it allowed the team to inspect the two monitor lizards side-by-side and detect subtle differences that can help determine whether the animals represent different species. One particularly revealing trait was the double-ended penis common to monitor lizards. The shape of this reptilian feature is unique to each species. It’s like I always said, two heads are better than one. To check out a photo of this bad boy, go to http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/04/100407-new-giant-lizard-varabus-bitatawa-biology-letters/

So let’s move from reptiles to the amphibians of the sky. Besides new head shots for my modeling portfolio, I haven’t been doing any shooting as of late as there’s been less color in the sky than at a Tea Party clam bake. But then on Tuesday night, some clouds rolled in and if my helicopter hadn’t been low on gas, I would have zoomed up to Davenport to shoot this night from atop the cliffs. So instead, I journeyed over to a little park by the arroyo and shot this six pack of April magic.

Some gentle colors filled the sky but it was nothing compared to the Eyjafjallajökul volcano in Iceland that exploded again on Wednesday. It blew a hole in the ice that created a black cloud of smoke and ash that created havoc in airports from Paris to Teterboro along with vivid red and lavender sunsets. This volcano last erupted in 1821 and was active for two years, so who knows how long we’ll have seismic activity. If you’re like me, and are fascinated by volcanoes, tornadoes and sun dried tomatoes, this is nature at its wildest. It was truly Ash Wednesday.

One more note about this spectacle that is blowing out tons of molten rock. Just eight miles down the seismic path from this lava party is Iceland’s largest volcano named Katla. Volcanologists say she’s about 40 years overdue and if she blows, the force could be one hundred times more powerful than this week’s fireworks display. With that will come massive eruptions, incredible explosions and billowing clouds of ash, which sounds a lot like the first season of Magma, P.I.

Let’s move on the late night fun. “According to the Pentagon, al-Qaida has been so weakened financially that they’re turning to crimes like drugs, prostitution, and adjustable-rate mortgages. I think that’s called Al Karma. Actually, Al Qaeda should have seen it coming. You know who’s in charge of the finances? Osama ben Bernanke. KFC coming out with their new Double Down sandwich. It’s bacon and cheese wrapped inside two pieces of fried chicken. In fact, today, Al Qaeda said: ‘We quit. When it comes to killing Americans, we can’t keep up with you guys.'” –Jay Leno

“President Obama signed a historic treaty with the Russian president today. Not everyone’s happy about it. Fox News said it was a ‘summit between a powerful communist leader and the president of Russia.'” –Craig Ferguson “There’s a rumor going around that Hillary Clinton could be Obama’s choice for the next Supreme Court justice. That’s a lifetime appointment that would take up all of her time, or as Bill Clinton calls it, ‘She’ll take it.'” –Jimmy Fallon “Sarah Palin’s daughter is speaking out. In an interview, Bristol says she realizes she was totally unprepared to be a mother. Hey, it’s better than being a mother that’s totally unprepared to be vice president.” –Jay Leno

“Conan O’Brien announced today that he will move his show to TBS. Later in the day, Jay Leno announced that he will also move his show to TBS. Tiger’s Woods is obviously under a lot of stress. It’s very difficult to play when you have a padlock on your underpants.” –Jimmy Kimmel “FedEx announced this week that it will add four new electric trucks to its delivery fleet. Four electric truck! Well,
let me be the first to say, welcome back glaciers.” –Seth Meyers

So that’s our show. The weather was spring perfect this weekend for the first two days of the NBA playoffs. There were eight games on Saturday and Sunday, so I was able to venture outside and spend some quality time amongst the blue skies, warm breezes and scent of roses during full timeouts. So enjoy your ash free skies and we’ll catch you at halfcourt. Aloha, mahalo and later, Dirk Nowitzki fans.

Good morning and greetings, spring break fans. For many years, the Gilbert family spent this week in the lovely confines of Palm Desert. But this year, due to health care reform, the pollen count and my agoraphobia, we decided to stay in the Cruz. They say home is where the heart is, along with the pancreas and spleen. Or in the words of Ricky Ricardo, “Lucy, you’ve got a lot of ‘spleening’ to do.”

Although we didn’t make the trip to this southern California desert oasis, we still had some golden images from a few months back. On the trip to Palm Desert over the winter break, we experienced gorgeous sunrises, spectacular sunsets and a menu at Sherman’s Deli the the size of a Buick. Since the shots of the corned beef and chocolate chip rugelach were a little fuzzy, today’s photo buffet will highlight some appetizers shot from the skycam.

As I said, there were a couple of sunrises that just blew the doors off the color meter. We featured the first one back in January, (Would You Like To See The Desert Menu,?) so here comes his little brother. It’s an awesome feeling seeing the desert sky light up along the back nine of the golf course at the Palm Valley Country Club. It’s probably quite similar to the way the early settlers must have felt when they first experienced the desert, except without the hot tubs and pools, spa and massage rooms and the Sunday all-you-can-eat-buffet up at the Clubhouse. There’s just something so basic and natural about melting ice sculptures alongside eggs benedicts and freshly carved prime rib.

So while I was having a threeway musically with Debbie Boone and Whitney Houston (“You light up my life,”) the sky starting to turn into a coloring book. This would be photos # 1-4. For the final two, we turn to the late afternoon skies as the clouds were exploding all the way from Joshua Tree to the Morongo Casino. Just a great way to end the day before heading out for a vegetarian feast at LG’s Steak House.

While on this December sabbatical from the marine layer of the central coast, we also experienced a rare desert rainbow, snowfall on the San Jacinto mountains and flying saucer-like clouds at sunset. We’ll take a look at these desert treats somewhere down the line along with my tips for desert vegan dining. Who needs tri-tip when you can rent in sprout city?

So today is Monday, April 12 and it’s a special day. My father, who supplied my mother with the initial ingredients in making me the shell of a man I am today, turns 93. Yes, boys and squirrels, 93! That’s bodes very well for me and my time share in Tuscany.

But let’s focus on the man who used to tell me in my formulative years, “Geoff, it’s easier to get an ‘A’ then it is to get an ‘F.’ To this day, I still don’t understand how that works. He also encouraged me to have hobbies, take classes and join political organizations. Well, I’m not sure if watching more TV than the Neilsons or being sunrise boy counts, but let’s put it up on the tote board anyway.

My father and his young bride (my mother, who’s 84) live one mile away from me and are constantly hounding me to take them water skiing, roller skating and to the Yan Flower for the war wonton soup. For years, over plates of shrimp and lobster sauce, my father would tell me how proud he was of me and ask if I was going to finish my soup. His words, much like my rib cage, remain close to my heart. 93, unbelievable! Years of martial arts training has left my body feeling exhausted at age 57, so I can’t imagine what nine plus decades might feel like. I’m going to need a walker with TiVo.

But his is not the only birthday that April brings. Belated wishes go out my blogging, snowboarding and gluten free brother, Brad, who celebrated the big day last Wednesday in Vail with a downhill runs in fresh powder up to his thighs and a flour free cake. When an NBA player hits the game winning three-pointer at the buzzer and the phone rings, I always know who it is. It’s either my youngest brother or one of those damn telemarketers calling from New Dehli.

But April 7 is not the only day when someone close to me came flying out of the birth canal. My pre-law son, Jason, also shares this April occasion, as my water didn’t break till late in the day. To say I’m fond of this child (and his blonde sister) is putting it mildly-when you see your child take his first step, or says his first words, or perform his first 360 spin in the lane, it’s really something special. But now he’s a young man who can block my shot and demand the car keys. So a belated happy sweet 16 to my volleyball setting son.

One more birthday shout out goes to my web designer/new age guru/right handed power hitting friend Kevin Deutsch, who celebrated his big day on April 8. Without this former CIF Player of the Year out of Laguna Beach’s help, this blog would an email with some scribbling on it, like the essay on my college application about the danger of going into the water less than a half hour after you’ve eaten.

Bring on the late nite. “You know, 30,000 people showed up for the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House today. Or as Fox News calls it, a ‘socialist free food giveaway.'” –Jay Leno President and Mrs. Obama hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll today. Dozens of children gathered on the White House lawn to roll eggs toward a finish line while the president cheered them on and Republicans tried to block them.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Today, President Obama threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ game. Obama took a short windup and threw a high-arcing pitch. Of course, Democrats saw the pitch as moderately close to the middle, while Republicans are calling it ‘way to the left and possibly socialist.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Next week, the president of China will be at the White House. And good news — he has no plans to foreclose. And in a major reversal of U.S. policy, President Obama has narrowed the conditions under which we would use nuclear weapons. He said we’d only use them against Iran, North Korea or Fox News. President Obama announced this week that he is opening more sites for offshore oil drilling. Do you know what that means? If we find enough oil, we could one day invade ourselves.” –Jay Leno” During a speech at the White House, President Obama said that ‘teleworking’ from home can boost efficiency. Kind of interesting advice from a guy who just flew 13 hours to Afghanistan to say ‘what’s up.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Well, yesterday, a 7.2 earthquake hit southwest of Tijuana. They say the earthquake was felt by 20 million Mexicans, and that was just here in L.A. The Labor Department reported that the economy added 162,000 jobs last month, all of them bodyguards for Tiger Woods.” -Jay Leno “People were standing in line around the block all weekend to get an iPad. Out in Arizona, John McCain was waiting in line for an IBM Selectric. Experts believe the iPad will revolutionize the way people procrastinate.” –David Letterman “Michelle Obama held a town hall meeting on C-SPAN to answer questions from kids about her anti-obesity campaign. The most popular question from kids was, ‘Why are you doing this to us, lady?'” –Jimmy Fallon

So that’s our look at what I didn’t do on my spring vacation. Coming up next week, we’ll return to the highways and byways of the central coast. So enjoy the final few days of the NBA regular season as the playoffs begin on Saturday. I don’t want to say I’m excited, but I have my clothes picked out the thru the conference finals. We’ll catch you in the first round. Aloha, mahalo and later, Russell Westbrook fans.

Good morning and greetings, championship game fans. As many of you know, I’m rather fond of orchids and running in ultra marathon races. My brother Paul recently gave me an oncidium named Sherry Baby that I placed in my office, and when the spray of flowers opened, it smelled like vanilla heaven. The intoxicating scent gently wafted thru the air, emitting the same delicious smelling sensation one gets from the rain forests of Maui. Just a very intense olfactory experience, much like my freshman year at Syracuse.

I’ve fallen in love with a magazine called “The Week,” which is the best of U.S. and international media. I’m so impressed that I got my son a subscription that will run thru his final year of rabbinical school. Whether it’s the recent skirmish between the U.S. and Israel, the political turmoil in Turkey or a great recipe for walnut raisin stuffing, this publication covers it all. It’s like a combination of Time, Newsweek, National Review and Mad Magazine. I haven’t been this up to date on the world scene since Walter Cronkite called me for my recipe for matzo brei.

So on that note, I recently ran across an item that I thought was blog worthy. It was written by Associated Press writer Nirmala George (no relation to Curious) with a no-look assist from yours truly.

For nearly 30 years, India and Bangladesh have argued over control of a tiny rock island in the Bay of Bengal. Now, rising sea levels have resolved the dispute for them, as much like my dreams of becoming a puppet, a poet or Somali pirate, the island’s gone.

New Moore Island in the Sunderbans has been completely submerged, said oceanographer Sugata Hazra, a professor and wresting coach at Jadavpur University in Calcutta. Its disappearance has been confirmed by satellite imagery, sea patrols, and judges from the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest. “What these two countries could not achieve from years of talking, emailing and chat rooms, has been resolved by global warming,” said Hazra.

Scientists in India have noted an alarming increase in the rate at which sea levels, the cost of shrimp cocktail and glass bottom boat rides have risen over the past decade in the Bay of Bengal. A nearby island, Lohachara, was submerged in 1996, forcing its inhabitants to swim the backstroke in a freestyle relay to the mainland. At least 10 other islands in the area, are also experiencing that sinking feeling, Hazra said.

Bangladesh is one of the countries most-affected by global warming. It is a low lying nation, unlike Rush Limbaugh, who is a low lying fool. Officials estimate 18 percent of Bangladesh’s coastal area will be underwater and 20 million people will be displaced by 2050 if sea levels rise continue to rise. The rich get richer, the poor get drenched.

India and Bangladesh both claimed the empty New Moore Island, which is about 2 miles long, 1.5 miles wide and as deep as an episode of CBS’s “The Big Bang Theory.” Bangladesh referred to the island as South Talpatti or Someone Tell Patty This Rock Is Sinking. There were no permanent structures on New Moore, but India sent some paramilitary soldiers to its rocky shores in 1981 to hoist its national flag and open up call center for Delta Airlines.

Bangladesh officials were not immediately available for comment but a spokesman later summed up the situation with these words from Simon and Garfunkle, “I am a rock, I was an island.”

So having been voted off the island and in honor of our first look of April, I thought I would blast out with some skylights of color. I know you’re probably thinking, “Wow, how unusual that Geoff would want to feature some color on this site.” Well, every once in a while I like to venture out of my comfort zone. Or as Robert Palmer once told me, “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to color.”

The first two shots are from December and a previously unseen sunrise. We then move to the cliffs north of Natural Bridges for the next photo duet. I was a little late on this night and just caught the final act of this sunset sonata, but fortunately, much like having chocolate fudge cake for dessert, it ended on a sweet note.

In our final photo segment, we move back to the sunrise mode. This is from a morning in January that blew the doors of the lovers and strangers along West Cliff Drive. I had previously featured a couple of jolts from this morning, but the sky was so amazing that it warranted more coverage. Moments of intense color like this are why I wake up the roosters.

On to the late night. “President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan this past weekend. I guess after the last 14 months in Washington, he wanted to go someplace where there was less fighting.” –Jay Leno “President Obama met with Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai. This was an important meeting. Both presidents agreed that we have to work to wipe out terror networks, like Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Fox News.” –David Letterman “Defense Secretary Robert Gates has ordered the armed forces to initiate changes to their policy of discharging homosexuals. They’ve changed from the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy, to the ‘If you think he’s gay, look away’ policy.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Well, according to ‘Newsweek,’ the FBI now says Osama bin Laden is healthy and giving the orders once again for al Qaeda. Today, Republicans blamed it on the new healthcare bill.” –Jay Leno “And unemployment in Florida hit a record high of 12.2 percent. You want to know how bad it is down there? Today, the Coast Guard picked up 50 Cubans off the coast of Miami trying to swim back to Cuba.” –Jay Leno “Pamela Anderson on ‘Dancing with the Stars’. You know who else is on ‘Dancing with the Stars’? Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Pam Anderson and Buzz Aldrin. Honest to God, it looks like a Republican ticket.” –David Letterman

“Well, here’s some good news for us. Iran’s top nuclear scientist has defected to the CIA and is now here in the United States. He’s now on our side. And he had some frightening information. He said Iran was just weeks away from developing their very own Toyota Prius.” –Jay Leno “Thursday is Census deadline day. The census would like every resident of the United States to fill out their form and mail it in. If you don’t know how many people live in your house, just count the number of iPods.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Here’s a fascinating story. The Republican National Committee got together and said, ‘Let’s have a party.’ We’ll get the Republican National Committee to pay for it — money that we get from donations and contributions. And they said, ‘Well, let’s go to Los Angeles to a sex club.’ So they end up there at a bondage club in Los Angeles. And I thought that makes perfect sense because Republicans love tying things up: health care, climate control; financial reform.” –David Letterman

So that’s our Opening Day preview. Enjoy tonight’s NCAA title game, as two teams will play for the right to proclaim, in the words of the late Freddie Mercury and Queen, “We are the champions, my friend.” Next week we’ll head out to the southland and check out some desert sky action. So enjoy the final drops of March Madness and the opening of our national pastime. We’ll catch you’re running the box and one. Aloha, mahalo and later, Mike Krzyzewski fans.

Good morning and greetings, championship game fans. As many of you know, I’m rather fond of orchids and running in ultra marathon races. My brother Paul recently gave me an oncidium named Sherry Baby that I placed in my office, and when the spray of flowers opened, it smelled like vanilla heaven. The intoxicating scent gently wafted thru the air, emitting the same delicious smelling sensation one gets from the rain forests on Maui. Just a very intense olfactory experience, much like my freshman year at Syracuse.

I’ve fallen in love with a magazine called “The Week,” which is the best of U.S. and international media. I’m so impressed that I got my son a subscription that will run thru his final year of rabbinical school. Whether it’s the recent skirmish between the U.S. and Israel, the political turmoil in Turkey or a great recipe for walnut raisin stuffing, this publication covers it all. It’s like a combination of Time, Newsweek, National Review and Mad Magazine. I haven’t been this up to date on the world scene since Walter Cronkite called me for my recipe for matzo brei.

So on that note, I recently ran across an item that I thought was blog worthy. It was written by Associated Press writer Nirmala George (no relation to Curious) with a no-look assist from yours truly.

For nearly 30 years, India and Bangladesh have argued over control of a tiny rock island in the Bay of Bengal. Now, rising sea levels have resolved the dispute for them, as much like my dreams of becoming a puppet, a poet or Somali pirate, the island’s gone.

New Moore Island in the Sunderbans has been completely submerged, said oceanographer Sugata Hazra, a professor and wresting coach at Jadavpur University in Calcutta. Its disappearance has been confirmed by satellite imagery, sea patrols, and judges from the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest. “What these two countries could not achieve from years of talking, emailing and chat rooms, has been resolved by global warming,” said Hazra.

Scientists in India have noted an alarming increase in the rate at which sea levels, the cost of shrimp cocktail and glass bottom boat rides have risen over the past decade in the Bay of Bengal. A nearby island, Lohachara, was submerged in 1996, forcing its inhabitants to swim the backstroke in a freestyle relay to the mainland. At least 10 other islands in the area, are also experiencing that sinking feeling, Hazra said.

Bangladesh is one of the countries most-affected by global warming. It is a low lying nation, unlike Rush Limbaugh, who is a low lying fool. Officials estimate 18 percent of Bangladesh’s coastal area will be underwater and 20 million people will be displaced by 2050 if sea levels rise continue to rise. The rich get richer, the poor get drenched.

India and Bangladesh both claimed the empty New Moore Island, which is about 2 miles long, 1.5 miles wide and as deep as an episode of CBS’s “The Big Bang Theory.” Bangladesh referred to the island as South Talpatti or Someone Tell Patty This Rock Is Sinking. There were no permanent structures on New Moore, but India sent some paramilitary soldiers to its rocky shores in 1981 to hoist its national flag and open up call center for Delta Airlines.

Bangladesh officials were not immediately available for comment but a spokesman later summed up the situation with these words from Simon and Garfunkle, “I am a rock, I was an island.”

So having been voted off the island and in honor of our first look of April, I thought I would blast out with some skylights of color. I know you’re probably thinking, “Wow, how unusual that Geoff would want to feature some color on this site.” Well, every once in a while I like to venture out of my comfort zone. Or as Robert Palmer once told me, “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to color.”

The first two shots are from December and a previously unseen sunrise. We then move to the cliffs north of Natural Bridges for the next photo duet. I was a little late on this night and just caught the final act of this sunset sonata, but fortunately, much like having chocolate fudge cake for dessert, it ended on a sweet note.

In our final photo segment, we move back to the sunrise mode. This is from a morning in January that blew the doors of the lovers and strangers along West Cliff Drive. I had previously featured a couple of jolts from this morning, but the sky was so amazing that it warranted more coverage. Moments of intense color like this are why I wake up the roosters.

On to the late night. “President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan this past weekend. I guess after the last 14 months in Washington, he wanted to go someplace where there was less fighting.” –Jay Leno “President Obama met with Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai. This was an important meeting. Both presidents agreed that we have to work to wipe out terror networks, like Al Qaeda, the Taliban, Fox News.” –David Letterman “Defense Secretary Robert Gates has ordered the armed forces to initiate changes to their policy of discharging homosexuals. They’ve changed from the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy, to the ‘If you think he’s gay, look away’ policy.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Well, according to ‘Newsweek,’ the FBI now says Osama bin Laden is healthy and giving the orders once again for al Qaeda. Today, Republicans blamed it on the new healthcare bill.” –Jay Leno “And unemployment in Florida hit a record high of 12.2 percent. You want to know how bad it is down there? Today, the Coast Guard picked up 50 Cubans off the coast of Miami trying to swim back to Cuba.” –Jay Leno “Pamela Anderson on ‘Dancing with the Stars’. You know who else is on ‘Dancing with the Stars’? Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Pam Anderson and Buzz Aldrin. Honest to God, it looks like a Republican ticket.” –David Letterman

“Well, here’s some good news for us. Iran’s top nuclear scientist has defected to the CIA and is now here in the United States. He’s now on our side. And he had some frightening information. He said Iran was just weeks away from developing their very own Toyota Prius.” –Jay Leno “Thursday is Census deadline day. The census would like every resident of the United States to fill out their form and mail it in. If you don’t know how many people live in your house, just count the number of iPods.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Here’s a fascinating story. The Republican National Committee got together and said, ‘Let’s have a party.’ We’ll get the Republican National Committee to pay for it — money that we get from donations and contributions. And they said, ‘Well, let’s go to Los Angeles to a sex club.’ So they end up there at a bondage club in Los Angeles. And I thought that makes perfect sense because Republicans love tying things up: health care, climate control; financial reform.” –David Letterman

So that’s our Opening Day preview. Enjoy tonight’s NCAA title game, as two teams will play for the right to proclaim, in the words of the late Freddie Mercury and Queen, “We are the champions, my friend.” Next week we’ll head out to the southland and check out some desert sky action. So enjoy the final drops of March Madness and the opening of our national pastime. We’ll catch you’re running the box and one. Aloha, mahalo and later, Mike Krzyzewski fans.