Good morning and greetings, lipid and protein fans. As I mentioned last week, I was going in for a blood test to see if I was ending my life long love affair with sugar. Well, the test results are back and, according to the Surgeon General, I’m as healthy as a horse, or at least a young shetland pony.

The concern was my cholesterol, which is the soft, fat-like, waxy substance found in the bloodstream, cells and rain gutters. It was a tad high, so about a year ago, I starting downing Omega-3 fish oil pills like they were Good & Plenty. And then, in the words of Gomer Pyle, “surprise, surprise,” my cholesterol went up.

My doctor, astrologer and caddie were somewhat bewildered by this turn of events, being that the 4,000 milligrams a day of this supplement was supposed to lower my cholesterol by 30%, along with improving my mood, the health of my heart and my golf swing. Not only did I not get the desired results, but I was somewhat depressed and frequently had the urge to to swim upstream.

My doctor then informed me that even if I had the perfect grain and fiber diet, exercised like a maniac and brushed after every Hershey’s with almonds bar, it was possible, because of the genetics that were passed down to me by my mother who didn’t breast feed me, that my cholesteol would still be too high.

Now, I realize that people reading this without cholesterol problems might not be mesmerized by my health issues, but the lack of NBA playoff games last week combined with LeBron James’ bizarre disappearing act took an awful toll on me. The second round of the playoffs were as disappointing as the Haromonic Convergence.

Let me take you back to 1987, when I ventured out onto the point at Steamer Lane. It was on the instructions from my guru, Baba Haagan Daaz, that I gathered at this power center in search of some spiritual energy. This day of planetary alignment was supposed to be a global awakening to love, unity and sports through divine transformation. Instead, all I witnessed was a Norweigan rat scurrying by that almost knocked over my table of crystals.

Anyway, after my previous blood test, my doctor said that except for the mild hallucinations, I was okay for now, but that someday I would have to go on statins. Well, the only statin I’m interested in being on is the Staten Island ferry. I’ve never been on any prescribed medication and really have no interest in joining the Lipitor family. I prefer to have liver problems the natural way, like too much Manischewitz.

Since the Omega-3 pills didn’t do the trick, I had one last card to play. We’re talking Red Yeast Rice, a supplement which has been in the traditional Chinese diet for centuries, dating back to the early days of mu shu pork. It’s also a natural statin. Recently, I discovered that it only works in one of every three people, so I had to ask myself the question posed by Clint Eastwood to the killer in “Dirty Harry.” “Do I feel lucky. Well, do you, punk?”

So here’s the good part. After taking my newest Chinese friend for seven months, my cholesterol dropped 30 points, along with my triglycerides, LDL cholesterol and golf scores. And this was at a time when I didn’t lose any weight, didn’t stick with my vegan diet and got as much exercise as a veal chop.

So I’m grateful for this supplement and a clean bill of health. I am now free do the things I’ve always wanted, like explore the Amazon, climb Mount Everest and tape the IronMan Triathalon. Well, either that or watch “Weeds” on DVD, consume the mounds of pad see ew (the Thai version of chow fun) while contemplating the question that scholars have been asking themselves for centuries, “why does TiVo keep erasing shows that I haven’t watched yet?”

Let’s move to our photo showcase. A couple of Fridays back, I spent the afternoon in lovely Pebble Beach, then returned home just in time to capture some color on the horizon. Spring sunsets are different here on the central coast, as we don’t get the outrageous clouds and intense hues that we get in the wintertime. Still, nothing says goodbye to the day quite like an Oscar-winning performance by the gathering clouds at dusk. Well, either that or an episode of “Seinfeld” that I’ve seen a dozen times.

Let’s head to the late night action. “Hey, here’s some good news. The price of oil has dropped by $12 a barrel. I mean, why buy it when you can just scoop it out of the water?” –Jay Leno “This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded. But these British Petroleum executives are trying to spin this a little bit. I heard one guy say today that it’s a good thing, actually, because now when you open a clam, the hinge doesn’t squeak.” –David Letterman

“Prison inmates in Louisiana are now pitching in to clean up the Gulf Coast oil spill. At this point, the solutions have been dump chemicals in the ocean, shoot a bunch of garbage under water and release prisoners. If none of that works, they’re going to have Al Qaeda come take a look at it.” –Jimmy Fallon “The Obama administration has revealed the size of America’s nuclear arsenal. The U.S. has 5,113 warheads, approximately 1,000 of them aimed at China, 1,000 aimed at Russia, and the rest aimed at Fox News. Well, in China, the one child limit may be on its way out because Chinese experts say there aren’t enough babies in the country anymore. To give you an idea how bad it’s getting, some factories over there are now being forced to hire adults.” –Jay Leno

“The stock market took a dive today. It was so bad, Goldman Sachs had to lay off three congressmen. “And to protest Arizona’s tough new immigration law, a lot of people now boycotting products made in that state. This could cripple the bolo tie industry.” –Jay Leno “Britain’s current prime minister, Gordon Brown, announced that he is stepping down and his replacement might be the education secretary, a gentleman named Ed Balls. I would like to make a plea on behalf of late night talk show hosts and bad comedians everywhere — I implore the voters of Britain to make sure that happens. ” –Craig Ferguson

So that’s our medical report for the week. Good news for TV fans as “Friday Night Lights” has returned to NBC. That’s right, Coach Taylor and his wife Tami, played by the lovely Connie Britton are back, and I am semi-ecstatic. No TV show, with the exception of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” gets me going emotionally like this one about high school football in Texas. Of course, it’s not just about football, but the guys who write the show, unlike the execs running TransOcean, BP Or Halliburton, really know what they’re doing. Magnificent, fabulous TV that never disappoints.

So as I write this, the volcano is once again pluming ash in the air over Europe, black oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico and the red shirts are rioting in streets of downtown Bangkok. Let’s just hope, for the sake of Saint’s fans, they can stop that leak. So be grateful we don’t have tornadoes here in California and we’ll catch you at the postgame podium. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kyle Chandler fans.

Good morning and greetings, Elvin Bishop fans. That’s right, “I fooled around and fell in love” with my Canon Digital Rebel and as a result, we’ve created, celebrated and consummated the Sunrise Santa Cruz experience. So you may be thinking, why Elvin Bishop, why not Leo “You make me feel like dancing” Sayer or Don McLean, “Bye, bye Miss American Pie,” cake and ice cream? Well, the answer is that there is no LeAnn rhyme or reason, or in the words Jesse Colin Young, “I live on a ridgetop and lord knows, I like it just fine. Where’s it’s windy and foggy and I’m thinking about the blog most all of the time.”

So for today’s photo fun box we return to last Tuesday, which according to my Lindsay Lohan lunar calendar was June 2. The afternoon sky was full of all kinds of exotic clouds, leading me to believe that we might be in for some sunset hijinks. But as evening rolled in I found myself over on the eastside, attending a psychology class on Earthquake Awareness entitled, “Stop the blaming, it’s not your fault.”

Thus, I was not home to receive a phone call from my Aptos-based field scout, Jerry Hoffman, who at the time was during his Tiger Woods impersonation at the DeLaveaga golf course. Quoting my former Sportstalk radio partner, “There’s an incredibly bright rainbow extending arch to arch over Aptos” who then went on to say that he hadn’t seen anything that impressive “since we were judges at the Miss Miller Light Swimsuit contest down at the Boardwalk in the late 70’s.” That was as close as I was ever going to get to the Supreme Court and to this day I still wonder if we made the right decision in the historic Roe vs bikini.

So I missed the rainbow but was determined not to miss the sunset. But I found myself in Scotts Valley as the sun was dropping and the clouds were changing in texture. So I raced home like Paul Newman on a triple mocha latte to catch this cloud convention. As I approached the sound barrier along Mission Street, I was thinking that I was probably missing another photo opportunity. This had been pretty much par for the course (Pebble Beach) since back in October when the Warriors fell out of the playoff race. Back then it seemed like I had a great future behind me.

But this night, lady luck, instant karma and Diet Sprite were on my side as I drove up to a little park near my home. I long jumped out of my car just as the sun was dropping thru the clouds (photo #1) before setting over the mountains behind UCSC. The sky then turned some interesting colors-we had orange creamsicle, purplish pink and a little cherry garcia. It was the most colorful sunset I had seen in months which left me with the feeling of hope, crosby and gleason.

And then came the highlight of this June juncture-lighting, thunder and mosquitos the size of Buicks. I failed to capture the lightning but I did corral the thunder. Much like my introduction to electroshock therapy, after three good rounds of bolts it was over, and then giants raindrops fell for 30 seconds as the curtains and drapes came down on the evening. I heard from my buddy Bruce Meyers up in Contra Costa County that on Wednesday during his son’s championship little league game, a rainbow was glowing out in center field. I believe this is what John and the lovely Michelle Phillips were referring to when they wrote, “California Dreamin, on such a winter’s, er, spring day.”

On to the late night comedy experience. “Talk about a guy who won’t go away. How about Osama bin Laden? I mean, come on. And there’s another one of those aggravating tapes that he sends out from time to time and they put them on the Al Jazeera network. People say, ‘Well, how do we know this is a current tape?’ Well I’ll tell you how you can tell that this is a current tape. At the end of the tape, he wishes Jay luck on the new 10 p.m. show.
And in the new tape, it’s a long, crazy man, lunatic rant condemning President Obama. Oh no, wait a minute, that’s Cheney. That was Cheney doing that. How about that Dick Cheney? He’s really quite busy here lately. He’s talking. He says now that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. Well, no harm done. And to get that information, Cheney admits that he had to waterboard himself.” –David Letterman

“Did everyone see Brian Williams’ special with President Obama? Yeah? Anyway, in the special, President Obama showed Brian Williams what tricks his new puppy, Bo, could do. Isn’t that cool? Yeah, in fact, Bo has already learned to sit up and beg for federal bailout money.” –Conan O’Brien “Rush Limbaugh said today he might change his mind about something. I’m like, what?! He said he might support President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court. Wow! Sounds like someone got a new prescription.” –Craig Ferguson

“A new poll shows that Americans have a more negative view of Muslim countries now than back in 2002. That’s because the media never reports any of the good bombings. As part of their restructuring plan, General Motors is selling off an entire division to a Chinese company. The new division will be called General Tso’s Motors. Today in New Hampshire, the state Senate approved a bill that would help legalize same-sex marriage. Yeah. Their new state motto is ‘Live Free or Bi.'” –Jimmy Fallon

So that’s it for today’s regularly scheduled program. Tune in again next week as we’ll circle the animal planet and take walk on the wildlife side. Until then, enjoy the last two weeks of spring as Donna summer is rapidly approaching. And remember, every day (except Thursday) is sacred. We’ll catch you down in low post. Aloha, mahola and later, Connie Hawkins fans.