Good morning and greetings, Yankee and Giants’ fans. It’s a wonderful time of the year for the lovers of sports, as we’ve got the baseball postseason, NFL football and the NBA preseason. It certainly makes for a well-rounded lifestyle of viewing and booing. Throw in the new TV season and it’s eyeball ecstasy. All I can say is, God bless America and TiVo.

And speaking of America, today we celebrate Columbus Day, which means the kids are home from school and mattresses can be had for a really good price. But what do we really know about this man, whose given name at birth was Cristoforo Colombo? So in honor of the holiday and with the help of Angela W. La Fon from Yahoo’s Associated Content, let’s take a look at the Lieutenant Columbo of the open seas.

He was born in Genoa, Italy and as I child loved salami. He began a career as a seafarer at the age of fourteen and later supported himself by selling maps, charts and vaccum cleaners. He wanted to find a trade route to get to India and China because land travel was risky and he craved egg rolls and sweet and sour shrimp. He believed that Asia would be 2,400 miles west of Spain when, in fact, 10,000 nautical miles lay between Europe and Asia. In the words of Agent Maxwell Smart, “sorry about that, chief. I was this close.”

Columbus first went to King John of Portugal with his idea to find a westward sea passage to Asia, but after months of waiting, the answer was no thank you and please put him on his do-not-call list. He then went to Queen Isabella of Spain, but her response to Columbus’s idea was that his price was too high, that he wanted too many ships and that he was nuttier than an almond rocha.

Young Christopher came back with a counter offer. He said if he reached the Indies, he wanted a title, a table of contents, a coat of arms, a light jacket and one tenth of all profits for Spain. I won’t say the Queen rushed into her decison, as it took her six years to agree to his deal and then couldn’t remember his email address.

Spain wanted to gain supremacy over other European countries so she and King Ferdinand accepted Columbus’ plans after taking out travel insurance. Columbus, who had given up and opened a medical marijuana dispensary, was four miles out of town when the Queen’s courier caught up with him and shared the news, weather and local sports.

It wasn’t easy to get the money or the ships, but it was even harder to find a crew and a chef who made vegan dinners. Many sailors and tire salesman still believed that the earth was flat and that at some point a ship would hit a waterfall and fall off of the side of the earth. I felt the same way the first time I boarded the Staten Island Ferry.

A royal decree on April 30, 1492 ordered the suspension of judicial proceedings against criminals and Wall Street bankers who agreed to sail with Christopher Columbus. Even so, only four prisoners and a couple of day traders took advantage of this offer. He set sail with ninety sailors, some dramamine and the first season of “The Love Boat” on DVD.

Christopher Columbus’ first voyage with the Nina, Pinta, the Santa Maria and the SS Minnow began on August 3,1492, which I believe was a Thursday. On October 12, a sailor on the Pinta shouted “Tierra!” or “Land!” Columbus and his crew were actually seeing the island of San Salvador, some 375 miles off of the coast of Florida. He thought he was in the Indies or Cleveland and called the natives Indians.

He claimed the island for the King and Queen of Spain and Laker center Pau Gasol. Columbus discovered many of the Caribbean Islands, including Honduras and Panama, along with parts of South America, Central America and Club Hedonism in Jamaica.

Even though he made three return trips west, Christopher Columbus never actually stepped foot on the mainland of North America. The first European explorer to realize the discovered lands were not part of Asia was Amerigo Vespucci, from whose name the word “America” derives and who penned the lyric, “I’ve been to the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.”

With the passing years, Columbus grew very religious. He claimed to be hearing divine voices and loved to sing along to early recordings of Tony Bennet. Till his death, he believed that he had toured to Asia during his voyages and that some day the Cubs would again win another World Series.

In 1866, in honor of this Italian Stallion, the Italian population of New York organized a celebration of the discovery of America and chicken parmesan. In 1968, much to the delight of Sleep Train, which is your ticket to a better night’s sleep, Columbus Day was declared a federal public holiday on the second Monday in October. But on the downside, because Columbus has been thought to have killed and enslaved native Americans of Haiti, some people are rejecting the holiday, but are still willing to participate in the red tag sales events.

Moving on to the photo garden, when I saw the macro colors in these dahlias, I knew I had to bring one more corsage to this cyber dance. Much like the establishing shots on the new “Hawaii Five-0” series or watching my son drain three-pointers, I never tire of their beauty. So book em’ Dano. And here’s a shout out to my favorite new fall flower, Grace Park, who hangs ten as Five-O’s Kona Kalakaua, who we all know is Officer Chin Ho Kelly’s niece.

On to some late nite follies. “Obama has been now finally getting on the campaign trail trying to help [Democrats]. Their big plan is a series of what they call backyard visits where the President speaks to people in their backyards in Middle America. Because nothing calms the fears of Middle Americans like having a black man suddenly appear in your backyard.” –Bill Maher “President Obama has been meeting with voters in what he calls ‘backyard chats.’ He’s held these in real people’s backyards. You know something, I think all politicians should talk to people in their backyards. Then you could take what they say and spread it on the lawn. Yesterday President Obama told voters that he’s a Christian. But you see how Fox News reported it? They said Obama admits he’s a follower of the bearded radical from the Middle East.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama had said if the stimulus bill passed, companies like Caterpillar would hire a lot of Americans. Caterpillar has announced that they are hiring hundreds of workers, in China. And if you call the White House to complain, you get the hotline in India. There was a very emotional send-off for Rahm Emanuel at the White House on Friday morning. Rahm Emanuel cried because he’s leaving the White House, and President Obama cried because he’s still there. Donald Trump may run president. Is that a good idea? Haven’t enough Americans already been told, ‘You’re fired’?” –Jay Leno

“EA Sports released a new version of the video game ‘NBA Jam’ that features Obama, Biden, Bush, and Cheney. Bush and Cheney play the first half, then Obama and Biden try to come back from a 6 billion point deficit. A Senate has passed a new bill that requires TV stations to lower the volume level on commercials. This is great, a hundred of the most powerful people in the nation have managed to do the same thing my remote does.” –Jimmy Fallon “They say Osama bin Laden is struggling to stay relevant. Welcome to the club. In his latest audio tape, bin Laden is talking about global warming. If he thinks it’s hot now, wait until he gets to hell.” –David Letterman

So that’s our show. Birthday wishes go out today to my old Fabulous Forum pal, Lynn Hock, who is the Jeannie Buss of Laker fans and taught Kobe how to pump fake. And if you’ve never seen an 80 ton blue whale or Orson Welle, stay tuned to this channel.

So enjoy the ongoing baseball playoffs and we’ll catch you in the bullpen. Hope to see you next week at Open Studios. Aloha, mahalo and later, Tim Lincecum fans.

Good morning and greetings, Labor Day fans. This holiday symbolizes the end of summer for many across our great nation. For locals, it means the beginning of Indian summer, as September is the warmest month of the year emotionally and temperature wise here on the central coast. I don’t want to say that it’s been chilly the past few months, but a few times on my early morning walks it was so cold I put a toaster in my shorts.

So since we have a few more weeks of summer lovin’, I wanted to continue with the wonderful world of color. Those dahlia shots got rave reviews from the foreign press a couple weeks back, so I’d thought continue with the floral roll, which comes with side order of cole slaw, potato or macaroni salad.

Today we are thinking shades of pink, and I’m not talking Alecia Beth Moore, the singer-songwriter, musician and acrobat known as the Pink one. The first three shots are from dahlia central on Delaware Avenue, where rows these bushy, tubereous beauties live to frolic and play.

The fourth image is a homegrown product that is now appearing with Delaney & Bonnie and Friends in my front yard, along with the dew-covered pink rose that follows. The final shot of the white tuxedo is from just down the street and just goes to show what Mother Nature is capable of if she really puts her mind to it. You know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the hydroponic fence.

So in honor of this threee day weekend that we Americans treasure so, for today’s post I thought we might go with something light and fluffy, like a cheese souffle, angel food cake or FEMA’s response to the citizens of New Orleans during the Hurricane Katrina crisis. By the way, it’s called angel cake because of it’s lightness that is said to be “the food of angels.” Well, that and angel hair pasta, which is the thinnest of all capellini, which is not to be confused with former Boston Patriot star Gino Cappelletti.

Today we’re going to look at the world of fun facts. You may have heard of some of these before and if that’s the case, Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Cause my master degrees gone away.

Most lipstick is partially made of fish scales, yet you never see a trout or salmon wearing lipstick. Ants never sleep, but I have a couple of uncles who tend to nap. The human brain is 80% water and 20% juice. The first coast-to-coast telephone line was established in 1914. The first wrong number was dialed a few minutes later. And a car traveling 100 mph would take more than 29 million years to reach the nearest star, or 30 million years if it stopped for gas and directions.

Mosquitoes have 47 teeth yet never floss. No word in the the English dictionary rhymes with “month” except for fonth and gonth. A sneeze and statements you wish you could take back travel out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h. Other than fruit and Hostess Twinkies, honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult, as is holding the chef hostage.

Only three states’ names begin with double consonants, Florida, Rhode Island and Hhawaii. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia and football players from USC combined. In Mel Brooks’ ‘Silent Movie,’ mime Marcel Marceau is the only person who has a speaking role. Remember, a mime is a terrible thing to waste. The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It To Beaver”. However, the first flush was seen on NBC’s “Las Vegas.”

The female lion does ninety percent of the hunting. The male lion does ninety percent of the housework and shopping. Elephants and white men are the only animals that can’t jump. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave, balls always turn right. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Cancer came before both.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. However, it would take 9 years, 5 months and 4 days of sucking down lozenges to soothe your throat so you could drink the coffee. Every minute in the U.S. six people turn 17. A minute later twelve people forget someone’s birthday. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes, which is very helpful when flirting with killer whales. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey near where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year, mostly from not having their seatbelts fastened. It’s impossible to sneeze, sleep or watch Fox News with your eyes open. Some baby giraffes are more than six feet tall at birth, but very few go on to play in the NBA. Wedding cake was originally thrown at the bride and groom, instead of eaten by them. Thus, the first word said by a married couple to each other often was “duck.” Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose, ears and ego never stop growing.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. My daughter is not the average person. Only 7 to 10 percent of the population are lefties. Aimee is a lefty but still won’t fall asleep in seven minutes. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is. Aimee is blonde but it still doesn’t help her fall asleep.

They say you cannot snore and dream at the same time. I know that you can snore and be kicked. By the time we die, most of us will have spent a quarter of a century asleep, of which six years or more will have been spent dreaming—and almost all of those dreams are forgotten upon waking, except the ones where I’m naked, haven’t studied for my test, can’t find my car keys, can’t see where I’m going or can’t find my way home. Oh, wait a minute, that’s Stevie Winwood’s dream.

No president of the United States was an only child, but George Bush had the mind of a child. George Washington, known as the “Father of the Country,” never had any children. During the 6 years that the TSA has been screening passengers, none of its employees anywhere has discovered a single terrorist inside a container of bottled water.

The world’s youngest parents in history were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. To this day they still deny rushing into marriage. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. The first couple shown showering together were Barney and Betty Rubble.

America’s first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men. After ten minutes in the sauna, they opened up the membership to women. The kiss that is given by the bride to the groom at the end of the wedding ceremony originates from the earliest times when the couple would actually make love for the first time under the eyes of half the village! Now that’s what I call a hot hors d’oeuvre.

Here’s a little taste of the late night. “Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operational Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven’t we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard! President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up. President Obama said that too many Americans are struggling to find jobs. You know what these Americans are going to be called? Democrats.” –Jay Leno

So that’s the first blast of the new month. Congrats go out to my brother Paul, who blasted down from Marin on Saturday and did a guest DJ spot on the grateful 88, KZSC, playing classic rock and live music the just the way our parents hated it.

His wardrobe and musical selection were tremendous, just like our repartee was the back in the 70’s when we did Sports Rap on Sunday nights on the same radio dial. I don’t want to say I spoke quickly back then, but Paul sometimes brought along an interpreter just to be sure he understood what I was going off about. Anyway, a superb four hours of radio, once again proving that you can go home again, unless you’re picked off third.

So keep on rocking and rolling and enjoy your children’s laughter and the rest of the holiday weekend. We’ll catch you on the way to the 20-win mark. Aloha, mahalo and later, CC Sabathia fans.

Good morning and greetings, back to school fans. That’s right, the new school year begins for us today and I haven’t seen my teenage toddlers this excited since “The Office” went into syndication. For us graduated students, this means that Indian Summer must be on the way, because we’ve had enough of this Indian Winter. But through the clouds and fog and the non-stop chatter from LeBron James, the birds are still singing and the flowers are blooming. And that’s where our magical mystery tour takes us today.

Welcome to Sunrise Santa Cruz’s wonderful world of color. As I cruise the westside along Delaware Avenue listening to the Doobie Brothers on NPR while thinking of ways to make this world a bitter, er better place, I often pass a front yard that explodes with pinks, purples, oranges, yellows, reds, downers and seconals. It is truly dahlia central, or for you Clint Eastwood fans, “A Fistfull of Dahlias.”

Well, hello dahlias. These tuberous perennials are spectacular summer and autumn flowering plants who are native to the mountains of Mexico, Central America and ridge in northern New Jersey. They are also, along with the lovely Selma Hayek, the national flower of Mexico and a particular favorite of the Gulf Cartel, who are big on sending flowers along with a message to that special someone. And for you City by the Bay fans, the dahlia is the official flower of San Francisco, joining garlic fries and green onion pancakes.

In the 16th century, those fun-loving Spanish conquistadors, while busy pillaging and wiping out the Aztec Indian nation, took some time out from their conquering to seach for the perfect chips and salsa to go along with a super burrito. They also managed to do a little exploring and turned these little side trips into a collection of new world plant life, while at the same time terrorizing and enslaving the Aztecs and completely taking the fun out of Cinco de Mayo.

These brilliant flowers were discovered growing wild on the sandy hillsides of Mexico, along with early sketches of the Frito Bandito and a Carlos Santana acoustic CD. The Aztecs gathered and cultivated the dahlia for food, ceremonies, as well as decorative items for open houses, pagan weddings and bar mitzvahs.

The dahlia is named after 18th century Swedish botanist Anders Dahl, who was a lovely man and quite a salsa dancer. And because of his striking looks, it was from this Swedish cupcake that the expression was coined, “Hey, dahlface.”

In 1872, a box of dahlia roots were sent by FedEx overnight from Mexico to the Netherlands along with a crate of flour tortillas. Only one of the plants and a chicken quesadilla survived the long journey, but it produced brilliant red flowers with petals that were pointed and rolled back that were later very popular with red light district shoppers and guacamole fans.

Nurserymen, kindergarteners and first graders from all over Europe bred from this one plant. These are the progenitors of the thousands of varieties of today’s modern day dahlias. As you can see from today’s photo six-pack, they are an incredibly exotic and wild looking flower, which is the same way I would describe my daughter Aimee in her formative years.

For flower lovers and Salvador Dahlia fans, dahlias symbolize commitment, long-lasting bonds and treasury notes. When given as a gift, the dahlia expresses sentiments of dignity, elegance and the fact the giver didn’t want to spend more than $10. For me, dahlias represents the fabulous and outrageous color that the Commisioner upstairs gives us during the summer season. Throw in a few roses and the fruitopia of watermelon, cantelope, won’t commit, cherries, peaches, nectarines, U.S. Marines and the joys of New York Yankee baseball, and this is what makes the canine days of August so delightful.

Here’s a little taste of the late night. “According to the Wall Street Journal, there is a growing movement among Democrats to replace Joe Biden as VP with Hillary Clinton in 2012. Do you realize that if that happens, for the first time Hillary will be directly under a president.” –Jay Leno “President Obama had a 24-hour vacation on the Gulf Coast of Florida. The president was there to promote tourism in the Gulf. He even jumped into the Gulf to prove it was safe. Unfortunately, he did a cannonball right onto a pelican.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Al-Jazeera’s English-speaking channel was nominated for an International Emmy. On the red carpet, Joan Rivers will be like, ‘Who are you wearing? And why is it ticking?'” –Jimmy Fallon

So that’s my tribute to the Dahlia Lama. Remember, laughter is an audible expression or the appearance of happiness that may ensue from jokes, tickling or reading hybred photo blogs. And birthday wishes go out Wednesday to my old Santa Cruz pal Joel Serber, who’s now living in Portland and still can’t believe the Blazers didn’t draft Kevin Durant. We’ll catch in the bullpen. Aloha, mahalo and later, Roger Clemens fans.

Good morning and greetings, Ted Kennedy fans. The Senator from Massachusetts passing was a sad day and the final note played by three incredible brothers.

On Wednesday morning, I was strolling along West Cliff Drive, wondering what to feature in this week’s photo funhouse. Pelicans were cruising by over the tops of the waves, causing me to pause in my tracks and gaze at the magnificence of these prehistoric looking creatures. I immediately thought, only along the edge of the continent do you see this kind of magic. Or on PBS, the Pelican Broadcasting System.

At the same time, the sky was a dull gray, unlike the exciting gray of my New York Giants sweatshirt. But soon this drabness turned to excitement, the same kind Alexander Graham Bell must have felt when he called for Watson to get the hell in there. I knew what I wanted to bring to the Sunrise Santa Cruz table. No, not the usual Chinese buffet with egg rolls, beef chow fun and sweet and sour chicken. It was serving up an entree of fabulous color for my cyber audience at early bird prices. And you don’t even need to bring a coupon.

Then on Thursday, the weather broke and we had deep blue skies and wild-looking clouds along the coast. And it was hot! How hot was it? A saw a dog walking after a cat. I thought this change may have signaled the start of our annual Indian Summer, which is not to be confused with Native American winter. But that was not the case as the following day the thermometer hit 99 degrees on the central coast, breaking the previous record of 97 set in 1962. All this heat was the result of a high-pressure system that had double parked along the coast, essentially shutting off the usual Pacific Ocean breeze. It was so hot that even my goldfish were sweating.

Friday morning we were greeted with a beautiful sunrise, as the sky glowed orange to the east and pink to the west. Unfortunately, I was still camera-less as I believe the parts required to fix my digital Rebel are coming to Santa Cruz by rowboat. It was the first color-coordinated morning of the summer and it was painful not to shoot it but as the Dalai Lama once told me, the sun will rise again. So I’ve got that going for me, which is good.

Let’s continue with Disney’s wonderful world of color. As I drive along the westside, I pass a front yard that explodes with pinks and reds-it is dahlia city. Ah, dahlias. They are spectacular summer and autumn flowering plants who are native to the mountains of Mexico, Central America and certain sections of the New Jersey shore. It is also the national flower of Mexico and goes quite well with any kind of quesadilla, be it cheese, chicken or my personal favorite, carne asada.

In the 16th century Spanish conquistadors, while busy pillaging and wiping out the Aztec Indian nation, took some time out from their conquering and listening to Charo CD’s to get in touch with their feminine side. In between their dividing and conquering they managed to do a little exploring and turned these little side trips into a collection of new world plant life, Spanish rice and the first Antonio Banderas film festival.

The dahlia is named after 18th century Swedish botanist Anders Dahl, who was a very attractive man. It was actually from him that the expression was coined, “Hey, dahlface.” But I digress. In 1872, a box of dahlia roots were sent by FedEx overnight from Mexico to the Netherlands. Only one of the plants and a Three Muskateers bar survived the long journey, but it produced brilliant red flowers with petals that were pointed, rolled back and were later big hits at Christopher Columbus book signing events.

Nurserymen, nursery school teachers and hair stylists from all over Europe bred from this one plant. These are the progenitors of the thousands of varieties of today’s modern day dahlias. Colors include orange, pink, purple, red, scarlet, yellow, white and apples, peaches and pumpkin pie, the last three courtesy of Jay and the Techniques.

I shot these photos on a foggy morning, thus the shots of dew on the petals are particularly prevalent in photos 3 & 4. Or as Jerry Garcia once said to Mountain Girl, “Walk me out in the morning dew, my honey.” Well, that’s it on the flower power front. Time for me to just kick back, pop some kettle corn and watch that Clint Eastwood classic, “A Fistful of Dahlias.”

Onto the some political humor. And it’s all from CBS’s late night king, David Letterman. “Congress has been agonizing over health care for months now. Squabbling, fighting, the town hall meetings going crazy. Meanwhile, while they’re arguing about health care, we’re stuck in two wars that were rubber-stamped in about 10 minutes. What? How does that make any sense when you think about it? The Obamas taking a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. When something like that happens, it’s like a big deal for the community. And people on Martha’s Vineyard are going crazy and they’re buying Obama T-shirts, they’re buying Obama mugs, they’re buying Obama caps. The only thing they’re not buying is Obama’s health-care plan.”

“You folks excited about the Afghanistan election? Well, don’t get too excited because there’s already reports of irregularities in Broward and Dade County. The current Afghan president, Hamid Karzai, is opposed by the Taliban. You know the Taliban? Over here, the Taliban, we call them healthcare protestors. But one of the guys on the ballot is a candidate named Abdullah Abdullah. He had what I thought was a great campaign slogan if you’re running for office in Afghanistan. You know the slogan? It’s ‘Is your goat better off today than it was four years ago?”

“But the Miss Universe pageant is fascinating. It’s judged on poise, judged on beauty, and also how you walk in high heels. What a coincidence, it’s also how the Republicans pick a vice presidential candidate. The same criteria. But you know, this is a great thing about the United States of America. We take any situation, make it something good. You know, we are a glass half full country. Mrs. Paul’s, the fish sticks people, they heard about the mercury in the fish and they’ve come out now with a tasty new fish stick which you can also use to take your temperature.” –David Letterman

So that’s it for our last blast of August, 2009. Coming up is September, which is the warmest temperature month of the year in Santa Cruz but more importantly, signals the start of NFL football. So enjoy the warm days and nights and we’ll catch you somewhere near the foul pole in right field. And be thankful for your good health. Aloha, mahalo and later, Don Mattingly fans.