Good morning and greetings, severe weather fans. As many of you and my hairdresser know, I’m fascinated by the diversity of weather throughout the United States. Last Wednesday was a perfect example of the weather map going wild and crazy, as the nation experienced the good, the bad and the ugly, which put me under a lot of barometric pressure. Or in the words of Clint Eastwood, “I tried being reasonable, but I didn’t like it.”

Now Clint Eastwood is a true American classic. And never more so as Inspector Harry Callahan in the movie “Dirty Harry.” As he said to a serial killer, in one of the classic movie lines of all time, “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”

Now there’s a man who had little regard for rules but always got results, which is not what we’re getting in the battle for gun control. The former mayor of Carmel also had a few words to say on this highly controversial issue. “I have a strict gun control policy. If there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it.”

Getting back to the good, bad and not very pretty from last week’s meteorological front, Wednesday was a doozy. In Santa Cruz, the day was as lovely as California Attorney General Kamala Harris, with warm breezes softly kissing my cheeks as the thermometer reaching 83 degrees. However, in the midwest, it was a different story, as blinding snow and driving winds left thousands without power. The governor of Missouri declared a state of emergency, even though the Cardinals shut out the Reds Wednesday night. As author Margaret Atwood once said, “In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” Or at the very least, not have to deal with a powerful spring storm spiraling in your back yard.

For those of you planning a trip to the midwest, let me give you a little Ohio Valley perspective. Here they were, ten weeks away from the summer solstice, in the middle of what is referred to as “Black Swan” extreme weather conditions, which is not to be confused with an Amanda Knox extradition. We’re talking ice, sleet, plagues, flooding, locusts, hail and heavy snow, creating treacherous driving conditions. They only time I want to notified about a severe ice warning is when it’s in my drink. Throw in a few killer tornadoes into the picture and they’re at a spring breaking point.

But the early days of last week were some kind of wonderful here on the central coast, as the birds were singing, the butterflies were floating and the bees were humming. And that leads us into today’s topic du jour.

According to wiki.answers.com, where I usually shop for pants, there are about one million species of insects in the world, half of which have somehow taken up residence in my house. Scientists and census takers estimate that there are 200 million insects for every human in the world, while less than one hundred supermodels have graced the cover of the Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. So it stands to reason if we’re talking insects, we’re talking billions and billions and billions and billions. And billions.

Well, if you like to hear insects screaming, and you know I do, the place to be in the next few weeks is the east coast. In a story written by Daniel Stone for National Geographic News, cicadas, the cousins of katydids, katydidn’ts and crickets, are preparing to overrun the landscape from North Carolina to Connecticut after living underground like Weathermen fugitives for the last 17 years.

Much like the female black widow spider, who sometimes washes down the male with a glass of milk after mating, the are some quirks that go along with cicadas and breeding. They spend their lives, like a Chilean miner, in complete darkness underground, sucking the fluid out of the roots of trees, shrubs and unmanned jacuzzis. They don’t bite or sting, and help the earth by moving around nutrients, recycling, planting trees and buying local. The periodic cicadas will not come popping out of their burrows until the ground is 64 degrees or the NBA playoffs begin.

At the end of their lives, they emerge to shed their exoskeletons, mate, watch a little TV and die almost instantly. This completes a lifecycle that humans and the Neilson family have studied for centuries. We’re talking about a four to six week period, or the time it takes for a Haagen-Daz bar to leave my bloodstream. That is, if they can avoid predators like birds, raccoons, foxes, skunks and reality show producers. The next generation will emerge in 2030 to repeat the cycle, probably around the same time “Mad Men” returns for its seventh season.

Now we’re talking several million cicadas per acre, which will bring the noise level up to slightly above a Dixie Chicks concert. The noise is the mating call of the male, which is similar in tone to the begging sound of the American male. To make themselves look appealing to the females, male cicadas resort to popping a set of muscles on their abdomen in and out, which can also be seen poolside at spring break locations around the country. But here’s the kicker. These 17 year cicadas are affected by the massosporan fungus, an infection that is the equivalent of Cicada STD. It is spread through mating and causes the abdomen of adult cicadas to fall off! And you thought herpes was annoying.

I was back there when they emerged one spring in the Garden State of New Jersey. The year was 1962, and I was nine years old and studying for my driver’s license. All of a sudden, they were everywhere, like tourists from New York trying to find their way to Palisades Amusement Park. I remember my friends and I collecting them in paper grocery bags. I will not say what we did with them, because the statue of limitations concerning the laws of insect genocide may still be in effect.

For today’s photo engagement, we are heading back to wacky weather Wednesday. This was to be the first April sunset I had photographed in years. After checking out the dinner time sky, the clouds and my basal body temperature, I grabbed my Serena Williams windbreaker and quickly headed up the north coast to Davenport.

When I arrived at my usual spot on the cliffs, I noticed new signs had been posted on the Monterey Cypress trees, stating that trespassers would either be prosecuted or persecuted. Well, God knows my people have been persecuted enough, so I took at quick shot of the cliffs and then bolted out of their faster than Carlos Quentin leaving Dodger Stadium Thursday night.

The wind was blowing harder than my son’s Abnormal Psychology final at UC Santa Barbara as I approached the bluff overlooking the Pacific. Then the sun, clouds and light proceeded to do their thing, creating beauty and awe on a night when little was expected. I believe it was Oprah’s pilates coach who once said, “Surprises are beautiful because they come without waiting.” And as they say in the restaurant business, good things come to those who are waiters.”

On to the late night. “After withdrawing from public life Anthony Weiner is ready to stick it back in. Folks, that takes balls. Sadly, we know he has them. Weiner’s brother pointed out, ‘No one has been harder on him than he has been on him than he has been on himself.’ And we all know how hard he can be on himself.” –Stephen Colbert “Former Congressman Anthony Weiner said that he’s considering running for mayor of New York City. If nothing else I’m sure that he’ll provide some stiff competition. Come on, he’s the total package. I don’t want to be too hard on him. I don’t have a bone to pick with that guy.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Little is known about North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un other than the fact that he is ruthless, he supports torture, and he is a huge basketball fan. I’m sorry, that’s not Kim Jong Un. That’s Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice. I had them confused.” –Jay Leno “In high school Kim Jong Un starred in a production of the musical ‘Grease.’ That’s also where Kim met his first wife, Olivia Newton Jong.” –Conan O’Brien “Dealing with the North Koreans is very difficult. They have a history of making irrational decisions to divert the world’s attention from the fact their system has totally collapsed. No wait, sorry. I was thinking of NBC.” –Craig Ferguson

“This week on the ‘Today’ show, Chelsea Clinton said she’s open to running for political office one day. When she heard that, Sasha Obama was like, ‘Cool. How does secretary of state sound?'” –Jimmy Fallon “It was this day in 1967 that Russia sold Alaska to the United States for 2 cents an acre. You know why they sold us so cheaply? Just to get rid of the Palins.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is in trouble for saying that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is good looking. When asked for comment, Bill Clinton said, ‘That guy is out of control.'” –Conan O’Brien “Because Obama said California Attorney General Kamala Harris was attractive, people are calling his remark sexist. Now the President is overcompensating and trying to balance it out. Today he said Attorney General Eric Holder has a great ass.” –Jay Leno “During a fundraiser, President Obama raised some eyebrows when he called California’s Kamala Harris, quote, ‘the best-looking attorney general in the country.’ Of course he said it was just a joke. Then Michelle was like, ‘Well, here’s another one: What’s black and white and sleeps on the couch?'” –Jimmy Fallon

So enjoy the last few days of the NBA regular season and nows it’s on to the playoffs. And here’s a shout out to my father, Daniel Gilbert, who celebrated his 96th birthday last Friday with a haircut, a Chinese feast and disbelief. As we chanted at dinner, ‘Four more years, four more years.”

We’ll catch you trying to will your team into the playoffs before suffering a devastating injury that left Laker and all NBA fans reeling. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kobe Bryant fans

Good morning and greetings, Labor Day fans. Yes, there’s nothing like a three-day weekend to help keep my Dixie cup half-filled with that much needed positive perspective.

Having three days off from the regular work routine gives one time to relax and do things like working in the garden, going for walks on the beach, or gathering the kids around the TV to watch the “Law and Order SVU” marathon on USA network. Nothing like 13 hours of watching Detectives Stabler and Benson trying to solve crimes ripped from the headlines to bring a family together. And for you trivia nuts keeping score at home, Mariska Hargitay, who plays Detective Olivia Benson, is the daughter of Jayne Mansfield, who was known as the “Working Man’s Marilyn Monroe.”

But I digress. I love to stroll along the sand, as I am a semi-avid shell collector, being that at this stage of my life, I’m just a shell of my former self. I love to see what the ocean washes up along shoreline, whether it be shells, sea glass, or oil blotches from a Chevron tanker. Or as the sticker says, “I love poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick.” Which begs the question, “What if the hokey pokey is what it’s all about?”

Well, last week, on the southern coast of England, 8-year-old Charlie Naysmith was taking a nature walk along the beach with this parents when he came upon a yellowish-brownish rock. As it turns out, this wasn’t just any old rock, but a solidified piece of whale vomit called ambergris, which is a very expensive perfume ingredient that prolongs the scent. In the words of C. Joybell C., “You are never fully dressed without perfume!”

Well, young Charles in Charge started to do some research, and after consulting with the It’s My Lucky Day Institute, it was determined that this whale of a find could be worth somewhere between $15,850 and $63,350. Holy Moby Dick. And I thought I was lucky when I spotted up a quarter on the ground at a gas station last week.

Our friend Ambergris is formed in the intestinal tract of sperm whales and often vomited or secreted into the ocean. It’s a waxy, bile-lile substance that’s as soft as a baby’s bottom, and when fresh has an aroma similar to a bad batch of sweet and pungent shrimp. It’s use is to help navigate the travel of material such as squid beaks and tiger prawns through a whale’s digestive tract, but what do I know, I’m no stool pigeon. This rock of ages had probably been floating in the ocean since the early days of the Beatles, just bobbing along and trying to avoid getting caught up in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

The scent of ambergris, not to be confused with Al Pacino in “Scent of a Woman,” is what makes it so damn valuable. It has been used as incense, peppermints, the color of thyme, fragrance, flavoring, remedies and as an aphrodisiac, going back to ancient Egypt, China and the set of “Free Willy.”

Today, many perfume makers have switched to synthetic versions of ambergris because of it’s association with whaling and the sperm whale, which much like elderly children, pregnant women and Warrior fans, is a vulnerable species. It was banned from use in the U.S. in the 1970’s, along with my idea for a clothing line featuring asbestos shorts and t-shirts.

The ancient Chinese called the substance “dragon’s spittle fragrance” or moo goo gai pan. Ambergris is used in Egypt today for scenting cigarettes and adding a fresh, clean fragrance to counteract the smell of camels double parked in Tahrir Square.

It was punk rocker Iggy Pop who once declared,” I never believed that U2 wanted to save the whales. I don’t believe the Beastie Boys are ready to lay it down for Tibet.” Bottom line, who knew that something whales pooped could be so valuable? We’ll end with this thought. If swimming is such a good way to stay in shape, explain whales?

For this week’s photo array, we are going back to August and featuring the only sunset I subscribed to this summer. The date was August 17 and the clouds looked like they were going to put on a little show that night, so I grabbed my camera and a nectarine and headed up the coast to Davenport.

The aerial display didn’t turn out to be as colorful as I had hoped, but the cormorants keep flying up and landing in the Monterey Cypress tree that lined the cliff. There this group of sleek sea birds spent their time fighting and squawking while the sky performed its final act of the day. It was a great way to watch the curtain go down.

On to some late night. “Did you all watch the Republican convention last night? It’s good to see scripted television finally making a comeback. Ann Romney spoke last night. I thought she was quite eloquent. Analysts say her role was to show that Mitt has a tender side. And then the Romney family dog gave the rebuttal. Hurricane Isaac turned out to be not much of a threat to the Republican convention. But to their credit, the Republicans had a contingency plan. If the hurricane did hit hard, delegates were instructed to evacuate to Mitt Romney’s tax shelter.” –Jay Leno

“Donald Trump was bumped from speaking at the Republican convention because of Hurricane Isaac. See, nobody ever talks about the good things hurricanes do.
“According to a poll released last week, Mitt Romney has zero percent of the black vote. In fact, if it weren’t for John Boehner, Romney wouldn’t have any support from people of color at all.” –Jay Leno “John McCain was at the convention. He just wandered out on stage in his bathrobe.” –David Letterman

“Some of the Republicans, I think, are over-reacting to Hurricane Isaac — like today Rick Santorum was seen gathering up two of every animal. “Herman Cain was in Tampa. When a reporter asked him if Isaac reminded him of Katrina, he said, ‘I never even met the woman.’ A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney’s money back in the United States.” –Jay Leno

“According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among African Americans. Here’s the sad part: That’s up 5 percent from last week.” –Jay Leno “Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan had a campaign event at an apple orchard… There was one awkward moment when they told the granny smiths they were considering cutting their Medicare.” –Jimmy Fallon “The winds in Tampa are so strong today, they blew the dog off the top of Romney’s car. This year the theme of the Republican convention is ’50 Shades of White.'” –David Letterman

So that’s our first blast for September 2012. Back in 1966, the Happenings sang, “See you in September, when the summer’s through.” Well, that’s not necessarily true here on the central coast, as I’m hoping Indian Summer and a Yankee winning streak are just around the corner.

So get ready for Wednesday’s kickoff of the the 2012-13 NFL season, with a matchup featuring the Super Bowl champion New York Giants against the Cowboys. We’ll catch you being not only the former no. 1-ranked player in the world and winning the U.S Open in 2003, but also being the lucky spouse of Brooklyn Decker. Aloha, mahalo and later, Andy Roddick fans.

Good morning and greetings, Columbus Day fans. For this week’s photo roundup, we are featuring the first sunset that made the headlines this fall. After closing out a sweet September with apples and honey to welcome in Rosh Hashanah, it was a fitting start to the new month. Throw in the Yankees beating the Tigers in the first game of their American League divisional series and a good time was had by all that night, that is, until the Yankee’s bats fell as silent as Marcel Marceau in the deciding game five.

Since the sun was not yet dipping into the Pacific from my usual vantage point at Natural Bridges State Beach, I decided to head up to the cliffs at Davenport for this Saturday night live experience. Accompanying me on drums was my old Syracuse friend Amy Zimmerman, who I had not seen since my wedding in Long Beach in 1988. It was a classic reunion, although it turns out she was still waiting for the thank you note for the lovely vase that she gave us for our nuptials.

Now I wouldn’t rate this as a “world class” sunset, but I thought I was good enough to make the pages of this cyber tabloid. I would have preferred a little more red, orange or purple at the climax, but was once again reminded of the words of Mick Jagger, “You can’t always get want you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.” And he was right, as wild horses or a “Sons of Anarchy” marathon couldn’t have dragged me away from the cliffs that night.

So this first twilight show of clouds and color got me to thinking about firsts in life. So today I thought I would take a stroll down memory lane and look back upon some classic firsts.

Now I don’t remember my first breath when I entered the earth’s atmosphere, but I do remembered what I was looking for. Unfortunately, my mother said she had a headache and later that she just liked me as a friend. I don’t remember the first time I ever tasted chocolate, but I know it has had a everlasting lifetime effect upon me. Nor do I remember the first time I ever tasted pizza, but I am now aware that when I stepped into Pizza King in Fort Lee, New Jersey, that I stumbled upon the holy grail of mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce.

The same holds true for my first venture to the land of tasty Cantonese cuisine at Hop Kee on Mott Street in New York’s Chinatown. Just one taste of the soft noodles of lo mein, the wider-noodled chow fun and the delicate and succulent sweet and sour chicken and I was hooked. I could do the backstroke in that sauce. Plus, any place that’s open till 4 in the morning on a Saturday night works for me. Nothing works up an appetite like flying down the FDR Drive at midnight in search of pan fried flounder in black bean sauce.

I don’t remember my first day of nursery school, grammar school or high school, but I do remember my first day of college at Syracuse University. My parents and I were the first on line at the bottom of the hill. When they gave us the okay to go, we drove up to the Flint Hall, where we were greeted by three lovely coeds wearing skirts that were shorter than the light at winter solstice. Much to my surprise and delight, they proceeded to carry my heavy trunk to my room. I thought, wow, if this is what college is like, I’m definitely going for my masters.

Now there are many things I don’t remember, like the first rain, the first winter snowstorm and the first time I heard the Doobie Brothers. I don’t remember my first dream, the first time I cried or the first program I recorded on TiVo. I don’t recall the first time I hit a jumper, threw a baseball or caught a pass for a touchdown in football. Unfortunately, I do remember tamale pie, the SAT’s and saying to my parents, “I hate algebra. I’ll never use it for the rest of my life.”

And much to my chagrin, I don’t remember the first time I read a “Hardy Boys” book or watched Ralph and Norton in “The Honeymooners,” or Phil Silvers as “Sargent Bilko.” Nor do I recall my first New York Giant football game, Knick basketball game or Yankee baseball game. However, I do remember getting hit in the head by the first pitch that was thrown to me in my little league career, outpitching my good friend Steve Margolin in the championship game and my father taking me out for a chocolate milkshake to celebrate the victory. That I do remember!

But here are a couple of more of things that I have on instant recall. I do remember the first time my father telling me how proud he was of me, even when I wasn’t setting the world on fire. I do remember my mother telling me how clever my blog is and wondering how I come up with these unpaid pearls of wisdom. And what I really remember is back in the 80’s, the first time I realized that a young woman who I was cohabitating with was really something special and different from all the others. It was at that moment that I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And that is why I impulsively rushed into marriage after a nine year courtship.

What I remember like it was the day before yesterday was the birth of my first child, Jason. I remember just staring at him like a mental patient in his first hour out of Allison’s womb. I couldn’t believe this little person was actually ours. Then he threw a no-look pass with his rattle and I knew he was my son. In my nearly six decades, I don’t remember ever a feeling higher, except for maybe a couple of New York Giant playoff wins or after my daily tantra meditation. I’m into keeping my chakras strong.

I do not remember the first time I realized I’ve been blessed with good health, but have never taken it for granted. I don’t remember the first day I realized how great it is to have friends, but not a day goes by that I don’t cherish that thought. And cherish is a word that I use to describe all the feelings that I have for you hiding here inside. I don’t recall ever wondering what I would be like being the father of a teenage girl, but now I get to play one every day at home. Let me say that it was a whole lot easier learning how to hit a curveball, but the ball never smiled back at me and warmed the chat rooms of my heart.

So to summarize, I may not remember my first double date, double rainbow or double stuffed Oreo. but fortunately, I do recall some of the important firsts of my life. I may not have instant recall of my first laugh, Hershey Milk Chocolate Bar or my realization of how great sports are. Oh, well. I guess I’ll just have to go on remembering the first time I realized what a lucky boy I’ve been and keep my fingers crossed that my future of firsts is ahead of me.

Let’s hit the late night. “Mitt Romney speaks French and John Huntsman speaks Chinese. “When Michele Bachmann heard they were bilingual, she said it’s OK, as long as they don’t get married. Rick Perry is pretty serious about running for President. Today he freed all of the slaves on his ranch.” –Jay Leno “Herman Cain said that as president, he will bring Republicans and Democrats together. He was the guy that brought pineapple and ham together on a pizza, so it wouldn’t be surprising.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Gov. Chris Christie keeps saying he’s not running for president. On the other hand, he would consider running for Santa. If he does run and he is elected, say good bye to the White House garden and say hello to the White House Olive Garden. Perfect fit: Oval Office, oval president.” –David Letterman

“Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said ‘yes’ to an Obama proposal.” –Craig Ferguson. “President Obama was heckled by a protestor who called him ‘the Antichrist.’ The protestor was detained, but released without being charged, and then later he was offered his own show on Fox News. President Obama was in San Diego and traffic was a huge mess. There was even a three-hour backup tunneling in from Mexico.” –Jay Leno

“First Lady Michelle Obama was spotted shopping at Target yesterday. Yeah, she told the Secret Service to keep their eyes peeled – not for threats, just for a person that actually works at Target.” –Jimmy Fallon “More than 700 protestors were arrested over the weekend for blocking traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. They say the best way to fight corporate greed is to make random people sit in traffic while they’re trying to visit their aunt in Brooklyn.” –Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s news, weather and retorts. Happy birthday wishes go out to the Dwyane Wade of anesthesiology, Dr. Michael Schur, who claims that no amount of prayer can atone for Alex Rodriquez’s latest sins at the plate. Just ask Carmen Diaz. We’ll catch you shutting out the Phillies. Aloha, mahalo and later, Chris Carpenter fans.

Good morning and greetings, west coast fans. There’s an old idiom, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Or was that “elect Bush once, shame on him. Elect Bush twice, shame on America?” Anyway, welcome to my world of unseized moments that comes surrounded with mounds of chocolate remorse and a soft, chewy caramel center.

Last week I wrote of a missed beautiful March sunrise due to technical difficulties somewhere inside my cranial sac. Well, much like the spring tornadoes and hail stones the size of baseballs raining down in the midwest, these things happen. So in keeping with present form and in the tradition of the Masters, this week I went to the sunset card, which teed off Tuesday night in the western sky.

After walking out of the gymnasium following my son’s volleyball game, I observed what had once been a cloudless sky now featured a cloud front coming in from the north. But due to circumstances that were not beyond my control, I ignored this oncoming mass of cumulus configuration and instead opted to make dinner and watch a rerun of “The Office” that I had seen sixteen times.

When I popped my head outside to take a look, I saw the sky was in full living color, so I grabbed my camera and headed west. When I arrived at the overlook, I knew at that moment that I should have been situated atop the bluffs in Davenport taking in this April treat, as it was a full-on spring show over the Pacific. I did take some shots, but they did not do truth, justice or the American way to the moment.

So what to do. I knew there was but one solution, as a do over wasn’t possible and my time machine was in the shop. It was my forever safety valve, a place for me to go for missed moments and traces of love, long ago, that didn’t work out right. That would be my archives, deep inside the fallout shelter of my mind.

When the sun moves across the sky in March, I head up the coast to the cliffs above Davenport for the sunset cruise. The Monterey cypress trees (photo #1) that line the cliffs (photo #2) are just exquisite, and in early evening cormorants gather in these trees to squawk and take in the epic sights. It’s an awesome location to shoot from, so to make up for my latest faux pas, I’ve featured two April nights from the past to give you a little taste of the Davenport experience.

Now here’s a little history of the community that sits nine miles up the coast from Santa Cruz. After the Civil War, Captain John Davenport, a whaler from Tiverton, Rhode Island, decided that he needed to move to a state bigger than Gary Coleman, so he set sail for the west coast and landed in Monterey. Among his claims to fame was that he lived in the first brick house in California. It later housed the funk/soul band, the Commodores, which inspired “Brick House”, “Easy” like Sunday morning and my personal favorite, “Once, Twice, Three Times A Laker.”

When the good captain sailed into the San Francisco Bay in 1851, he passed by a school of whales and triathletes swimming not far from shore. Believing that they would be easy to capture, process for oil and look good in Speedos, he dreamed of creating a whaling business.

He started the first coastal whaling business in California in Monterey, but decided to move it closer to San Francisco because he loved Willie Mays and the Giants. In the late 1860’s, Captain Davenport built a pier in the town of Davenport as travelers along the north coast discovered this scenic coastal oasis with its beautiful shoreline, magnificent weather and fantastic carne asada burritos.

Captain Davenport built a 450 foot long wharf along with a gas station and car wash. This was not a fun time for the hundreds of whales cruising up the coast, who were savagely harpooned for their meat, oil, and whalebone. But despite the blubber melting pots, whale watching tours and a free super wash with a gas fill-up, the whaling business was not a profitable venture and lasted only a decade. The Davenport Landing wharf was abandoned in 1880 and Captain Davenport moved to Santa Cruz where he opened up a massage and meditation Center before he died at the age of 74 while boogie boarding at the Boardwalk.

For almost 50 years, the town of Davenport prospered with hotels, surf shops and the first In-N-Out Burger joint. Then in 1915, a fire destroyed nearly everything except for Blockbuster Video and a Little Caesar’s Pizza. At the time, some believed it was the spirit of the whales seeking revenge that brought on this disaster. Sometimes karma can really be a bitch.

On to the late night. “The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers.” –Bill Maher “Republican Congressman Tom Marino, who is on the Foreign Affairs Committee, said: ‘If we go into Libya, where does it stop? Do we go into Africa next?’ So, you see why he’s not on the Intelligence Committee. Authorities in Mali arrested four people after an aircraft loaded with 10 tons of cocaine crashed. Charlie Sheen called it “the worst air disaster in history.”–Jay Leno

“Fox is adding several new Spanish-language shows to its programming schedule to appeal to the growing Latino population. My favorite one is about that doctor with a cane who plays by his own rules — you know, “Casa.” Many gamers are asking for refunds on the new Nintendo 3DS because it causes headaches and dizziness. It was pretty scary — some gamers became so disoriented, they accidentally wandered outside. Southwest Airlines canceled 600 flights because of a plane that suddenly got a 5-foot hole in the roof. You know American wouldn’t have canceled all those flights. They’d have just started charging a $50 sunroof fee.” –Jimmy Fallon

“There’s a $376 million semi-secret construction project happening at the White House, and it’s rumored that a tunnel is being built underneath. That’s a lot of work for President Obama to get away from his mother-in-law. Let the man have a cigarette. I think he Obama is building an underground Kenya. A new subterranean land so he can Africanize us from below. I heard that on Fox News.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate. President Obama said today that Americans are just going to have to get used to higher gas prices. To which Dick Cheney said, “That’s change I can believe in. I like this Obama guy.”–Jay Leno “President Obama revealed that up until a few years ago, he was still paying off his student loans. In response, China was like, “Oh, so you do know how to repay loans.”–Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama announced his re-election campaign. As far as I’m concerned, the election starts with the first attack ad, which should appear in about 20 minutes. I think elections should be quick. If I have an election that lasts longer than four hours, I call the doctor. Experts say this Presidential campaign will be the most expensive in history. A far cry from the very first re-election campaign back in 1792. When George Washington ran against a young Senator named John McCain.” –Craig Ferguson

“Donald Trump is doing well in the polls. He’s in second place among Republican voters. Among tea partyers, he’s in first place. Although to be fair, in the tea party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47.”–Jimmy Kimmel “If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?” –Seth Meyers “Southwest Airlines has a new slogan: “We love the sky — and it shows.”–Jay Leno

“Former first lady Laura Bush said in an interview that she and George W. Bush do everything together. Then she said she had to go because “SpongeBob” was on. Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it’s mostly on top of the water.”–Conan O’Brien “A man in Ohio received a cable bill for $16 million. When he called customer service, they told him that for another $8, he could get the NFL package.”–Jay Leno

Special birthday wishes go out to my father, Daniel Gilbert, who turns 94 years old tomorrow. Yes, you might say we’ve got some strong genes and cargo shorts that run in our family. My Dad, who lives here in Santa Cruz, spends a good part of his day sleeping, but while awake is working on writing the pilot episode for a new sitcom, “Father Knows Rest,” where he plays the starring role. To have both my parents alive and questioning every move I make at age 58 is a true blessing, and as my mother always says to me, “if we can’t live Hawaii, lucky we live Santa Cruz.” And “could you check and see if there’s any mail?”

So that’s a wrap. I’m just glad that we’re done with Libya, things are going well with the nuclear reactors in Japan and the Pentagon says we’ve had enough time in Afghanistan. It seems worldwide that everything is just peachy and that Donald Trump really isn’t the moron he is pretending to be. And God bless the Republicans and Planned Parenthood.

So enjoy our wild weather we’ll catch you at the start of the NBA playoffs. Aloha, mahalo and later, Derrick Rose fans.

Greetings and welcome to Monterey Bay. Every morning when my golden retriever Summer takes me for a walk along West Cliff Drive I am amazed by the exotic marine action and think to myself, “Lucky I live Santa Cruz.” The past few weeks not an Alonzo morning has gone by when I haven’t seen gray whales spouting as they cruise up the coast. Last week they were joined by dolphins followed by dozen’s of Dall’s porpoises that put on aerial show that would have had NBA fans buzzing. This central coast spectacle is the Broadway show that never closes. And you don’t have to charter a whale watching boat to catch the action. Just keep your eyes on the water and your hands upon the wheel.

I like to start off each month with a bang and today will not be an exception. Two weeks ago Sunday I saw the clouds lining up in a nice spread formation so I put on my PF Flyers and headed up the coast to Davenport. I love this spot along the cliffs where the Monterey Cypress trees come to rest. The clouds were oozing color in all directions as a warm breeze blew softly in my face. I knew at that exact moment that this was the place where I was supposed to be. As I gazed out over the vast blue Pacific a feeling of calm and tranquility came over my like a swarm of friendly locusts. And at that moment one thought filled my mind. “Did I bring my extra battery?” That’s a zen moment.

So let’s move on to the important news stories of the day. South African wildlife officials say they will be forced to begin culling the country’s elephants this year as the last available option to control a population expanding out of control. Since a ban on killing the animals was established in 1995, the number of elephants in South Africa has risen from about 8,000 to 18,000. Similar increases have been observed in other parts of southern Africa and in Bayonne, New Jersey. These pachyderms have been asked to relocate, but with rising airline prices and the need for leg room in first class seats it just hasn’t proven feasible although some said they would do it just for the peanuts. We asked Horton for a comment on this sensitive subject and he said he hadn’t heard a who.

The World Wildlife Fund and other environmental groups acknowledge that limited habitat makes the cull necessary. “We all love our elephants. They are the most charasmatic icon of Africa. But we don’t have the luxury to allow one species to dominate and alter the composition of our natural assests,” says Rob Little of the WWF. Sounds like they have been wrestling with this problem for a while. Because elephants have been observed mourning the loss of family members, wildlife authorities say entire families will be culled together to reduce trauma.

Central Europe’s wily red fox is making a comeback from the verge of extinction due to the disappearance of nearly all its natural enemies, which include the Russians, the Chinese, and the producers of “Sanford and Son.” Wildlife experts say the disappearance of predators such as brown bears, lynxes, wolves and fur retailers over the past 100 years have allowed the foxes to become the dominant carnivore across much of Central Europe.

The population has managed to rebound despite sport hunting that saw more than 600,000 of the canines killed by hunters in Germany during the last hunting season alone. In my mind, it were really be a sport if the foxes also have guns. Foxes have adapted to living in urban environments by feeding on garbage, vermin and paparzzi in communities where hunting is banned. But their real interest is not the food humans don’t eat but the delicacies like rats, mice, pigeons and cornish game hens that the garbage attracts.

A Southeast Asian agricultural pest with an unextremely unpleasant odor has invaded Europe for the first time on record. No, I’m not talking about Muslim rebels from the Phillipines. Swiss officials warned fruit and chocolate farmers that the brown mamorated stink bug has been detected on eight different varieties of plants around Zurich. The bug, which measures about a half-inch in length, attacks the fruit and leaves of apple, cherry, plum and lollipop trees. When asked to comment on the situation, Swiss farmers declined to speak, preferring to remain neutral on the subject.

Agricultural and NBA officials believe this insect may have arrived in Switzerland on imported ornamental plants from Asia. The bug gets its name from its ability to emit a vile odor from its abdomen as a defense against being eaten by birds, lizards and small children. The bottom line is I wasn’t sure if this item was worth mentioning so I just went with my instincts.

Okay, sports fans, sorry it’s a little late but that’s our first blog of May 2008. I’d love to hear some comments from you readers out there in the cashew gallery. So enjoy the freshness of a springtime sunset and have a tremendous sports weekend. I’ll be helping out on the weak side. Aloha.