Good morning and greetings, fall color fans. The wide variety of morning light was in full effect along the coast this past week, as I shot my first sunrise of the fall in true living color. The following day I awoke to dark clouds on the horizon, but an hour later the sun briefly broke through to cast out a glow that was simply brilliant. What makes it so special is that this light will shine for just a few magic moments, and then vanish faster than Herman Cain can say, “It simply did not happen.”

Santa Cruz once again made the national news last week, as NBC’s Brian Williams talked about the continuing whale activity in our area, although he led into the story with, “In the waters off of the Southern California coast…” We’ll given Brian a pass on that as he makes mistakes about as often as I leave my feet on defense. The story was in reference to paddlers, kayakers and Penn State alumni getting too close to the gigantic creatures. Much like myself at the Burning Man, they need their space for self-espression.

I had spent some time the previous week out on the Santa Cruz Municipal Wharf, checking out the humpback whales that were feeding offshore. I had hoped to score a few photos for the blog, but unfortunately they were too far out for me to capture the true essence of the moment, as they were breaching while lunge feeding in the midst of a frenzy of anchovies activity. Despite being a product of a breeched birth, my breaching photos weren’t quite what I was hoping for, or to paraphrase the words of Mandy Pepperidge from “Animal House, “Otter, don’t flatter yourself. They weren’t that great.”

But you can see in today’s first photo a couple of humpbacks spouting off through their blowholes, while the gulls were screaming and the onlookers so close that they could could scrape the barnacles off the whale’s ipads. Compared to what’s been featured in the local and national press, this photo wasn’t quite worthy of Whales Illustrated or Humpback Monthly.

However, there was some good news as when you venture out onto the wharf you never know what you’ll see besides the daily specials at Gilda’s. Had the freshly caught tri tip and scalloped potatoes on Tuesday and they were spectacular. This deal also includes white clam chowder, which always reminds me of the way my mother never made it back in the old country.

Anyway, as I approached the end of the wharf in search of photographic greatness, I could see from the humpback’s location that there were not going to be any Moby Dick moments. But instead, to my delight and amazement, appearing right below me in the chilly Pacific waters were a colony of sea lions, just relaxing and floating on top of the water. There were at least 100 of these beautiful marine mammals, so I took advantage the moment and shot away like Ansel Adams at a bar mitzvah, because as I’ve mentioned before, this is another one of those events that happens only at the edge of the continent. It’s the magic at the edge, like when Darryl Hannah came ashore in “Splash.”

One of the more amazing things about the sea lions is that no matter where I am on the west side, I can hear them barking. Being that my hearing is not quite that of a mature fruit bat, I spend a good part of the day asking the question “What?” Yet, the sea lions will be barking from over two miles away, and I can hear them as clearly as the doctor telling my parents, “it’s a boy and he’s a spitting image of Clark Gable.”

Finally, for Ano Nuevo fans, I included a shot (#2) of the elephant seal colony at Piedras Blancas. Much like the sea lions that hang out under the wharf, any intrepid photographer can just drive up, park the car and snap away at these sleeping pinnipeds. You would think that you’d have to motor up to some exotic locale out of National Geographic or the Animal Planet, but these elephant seals are lounging and texting right off the Pacific Coast Highway.

No one is quite sure why back in 1990 these lovable marine mammals took up residence in this central coast location, but it certainly a great way for visitors to top off a drive through Big Sur. Well, either that or playing hide-and-go-seek at Hearst Castle. I’ve always felt a certain kinship with the elephant seals, as I too, was nearly hunted to extinction for my oil-rich blubber.

On to the late night. “One of the Herman Cain women was paid $35,000 and another was paid $45,000, so he’s saying it just proves he can create high-paying jobs for women. I’d like to see the women and find out what the $10,000 difference was. Turns out 999 was just his rating system: she’s a 9, she’s a 9, she’s a 9. Of course, Cain still doesn’t get it. Like he said he will address all these charges at a press conference tomorrow at Hooters.” –Jay Leno

“There’s a fifth woman that claims to have had a problem with Herman Cain. If this keeps up, it seems very unlikely he will be president, although it seems more and more likely he will become governor of California.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Herman Cain held a press conference to address the sexual harassment accusations coming out of the woodwork. Incidentally, his woodwork coming out is one of the things he’s accused of.” –Stephen Colbert

“Last night the Occupy Oakland protest got out of hand. Demonstrators broke windows, hurled Molotov cocktails and chunks of concrete. Police said it was the worst riot in Oakland since every Raiders home game. “There was some trouble last night in Oakland after the Occupy Oakland protests. They had trouble breaking the crowd up because every time they fired bean bags at them, they started playing hackey sack with them.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a new poll, 42 percent of Americans say they are uncomfortable with the idea of having a Mormon president. When asked why, the people said, ‘We’re still getting used to having a Muslim president.'” –Conan O’Brien “Herman Cain is also taking some flack for saying that China was developing nuclear weapons, but they’ve had them since the 60’s. I don’t think he’s that well versed on foreign affairs. Today a reporter asked him how he would handle Greece and he said he would put an extra layer of wax paper under the pizza before you put it in the box.” –Jay Leno

So that’s our mid-November report. The NBA lockout is still in effect, so I’m able to focus my attention on more important things like college hoops. And if you’re a waterfowl fan, 5 million ducks, geese, shorebirds and Philadelphia eagles have just arrived in the greater Bay Area and Sacramento Valley for their annual convention. It should be quite the visual treat in wetland marshes at Thanksgiving time, especially if you don’t mind seeing 500,000 snow geese lift off at once. We’ll catch you running the quarterback draw. Aloha, mahalo and later, Tim Tebow fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA lockout fans. Well, last week, NBA
Commissioner David Stern canceled the first two weeks of the regular season, which means basketball fans won’t have the chance to see billionaire owners overpaying millionaire players to play a game that I would play for just a jersey with my name on it and
a kosher pre-game buffet.

So now we can focus on other important issues, like the NFL and new fall TV season, and try to answer the question that has been asked of philosophers and theologians over the centuries, why did “The Playboy Club” get cancelled after just three episodes?”

But today, we are not talking TV, but a much more mundane experience. In my younger days, I used to be excited when I skipped to the mail box. Who knew what delights awaited me. Postcards, letters from old friends, the new Victoria Secret catalogue, it was a cornucopia of delights. Today, times
have changed, as the mail is dominated by one thing. Junk.

Let’s start by taking a look at our very profitable United States Postal Service, which came up $8.5 billion short last year. This means that the USPS will be cutting Saturday delivery, which I can live with, and 220,000 jobs, which is not so good. We’ve come a long way from the Pony Express’ “The Mail Must Go Through” to today’s USPS motto, “We May Be Through.”

Last year, our mail and female carriers delivered through snow, sleet and purple rain over 82 million pieces of junk mail. This total was up 3% from the year before, as advertising mail now makes up one half of all our mail. As the Black Eyed Peas asked, “what are you gonna do with all that junk inside your trunk?”

In comparison, first class mail dropped 7% last year and 26% over the last four years. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been receiving those “Dear Geoff, I met you nine months ago” letters. And the even better news for our faithful letter carriers is that first class is expected to drop over 50% over the next ten years. Why waste the ink when one can send an e-card, Facebook, Twitter, carrier
pigeon, email, skype, gripe, hype or message in a bottle?

So the postal service is now running a series of TV ads, urging and Menachem begging businesses to send more junk mail, with the reminder that mail rarely gets spammed. They are encouraging this barrage of pulp fiction because a catalogue is a lot harder to delete than an email and chances are, although Amarillo slim, that you’ll sit at home and Flip Wilson through it. Personally, I live for the words of Ed McMahon, “you may already be a winner.” Thanks, Ed and “H e-e-e-e-re’s Johnny.”

So you may be wondering, does anyone still order from a catalogue they didn’t request that came in the mail? Well, according to my anonymous sources at NBC News, only 1.5% of households buy after receiving a mailed ad, and even fewer, .05%, buy from an email ad. And although those numbers don’t make the Postmaster General do cartwheels, they do get in on a little of the package mailing action. Yup, there’s nothing more exciting then when that smoked turkey arrives, loaded with enough preservatives to take down a water buffalo.

And I don’t know about you, but my day isn’t made until I check my mail to make sure that Chase, Capitol One or some other outstanding company is offering me the opportunity of being pre-approved with no annual fee for the priviledge to pay 0% on purchases and balance transfers until 2031.

Now, thanks to Chris Moran from the pages of the quarterly newsletter of the Santa Cruz Public Works Department, here are some fun facts about the our friend, the junk mail. Or in the words of the late, great Johnny Carson (or was it Dana Carvey), “I did not know that.”

For starters, and I usually like the stuffed mushrooms and calamari strips, every adult in the U.S. receives about 40 pounds of junk mail a year. 59% of that is discarded without ever being opened. According to Forest Ethics, which is not be be confused with Forest Gump, Forest Lawn or Wake Forest, “100 millon trees and a mulberry bush are logged each year to produce the unending stream of junk mail that ends up in your mailbox.” Myself, I could never see the Sherwood forest through the trees.

Each week, on the average, we receive 16 pieces of junk mail, 1.5 personal letters and 1 envelope addressed to someone who moved out a decade ago. So we’re talking about 104 billion pieces of junk mail that are delivered each year, which in their creation and shipping produces more greenhouse gas emissions than 9 million cars and a Dodge Ram Truck. Throw in the 28 billion gallons of water that are wasted to produce and recycle junk mail each year, which coincidentally, is the amount I use when showering yearly, and in
the words of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, “You’ve Got Mail.” So that’s just a little something to think about next time you wonder how many calories you’re consuming when you lick a stamp.

For today’s photo road trip, we are heading down to lovely Big Sur, that 90-mile stretch of spectacular coastline between Carmel and San Simeon. We are cruising on Highway One, which is flanked steak on one side by the Santa Lucia Mountains and on the other by the rocky Pacific Coast. The Gilbert family was riding the Marrakesh Express on our way to Shell (Pismo) Beach, so we decided to take the coast and go through the Foghat, as it was a “slow ride,” so we “took it easy.”

Highway One was completed after eighteen years of construction, and who doesn’t savor a byway that was built with convict’s labor and love. It was declared California’s first scenic Highway, and is as visual a journey as one gets treated to along the Pacific Coast. In the words of landscape artist Francis McComas, the Big Sur Coast “is the greatest meeting of land and sea in the world.” It’s one of those intense driving experiences, with majestic beauty, dramatic scenery and very few red lights.

As you can see in photo number four of the Big Creek Bridge, this crown jewel of highways hugs the coastline the same way I hugged my mother at my nursery school graduation. After driving through more twists and turns than a Agatha Christie novel, we ended up at Piedras Blancas Beach, home to an elephant seal colony. Since it was early fall, the beach was as sparsely as populated as a Florida Marlins game, with mostly juveniles and other delinquents sleeping in the sand. Some of these youngsters were among the 4,000 born here back in December and January, just in time to catch the Packers winning the Super Bowl.

At this time of year, the adult males and females are at sea, bulking up for the birthing and breeding season, when they will not snack or eat. The males have to put on enough blubber to fast for three months, while the females have to nourish their bodies for
the stresses of giving birth, nursing and playing canasta. And like what I go through on a yearly basis so that my pants fit right, both males and females lose up to a third of their body weight during these months of fasting. For more info on these incredible creatures, just head up to Ano Nuevo and tell the first male elephant seal you see that you’re lonely.

On to the late night. “Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady’s glasses.” –Conan O’Brien “Today New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It’s good news for Romney. I mean, you always want Chris Christie on your side. Unless you’re in a canoe.” –Jimmy Fallon “Herman Cain was in 2nd place in most of the national polls, behind Mitt Romney. Apparently his message of ‘less government, more toppings’ has been well received.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Here’s why Sarah Palin says she won’t be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that’s true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.” –David Letterman “Palin said she could help the country more by not running for president. Today, John McCain said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me that three years ago?’ Sarah Palin announced she’s not running. Finally, a Palin who pulls out before it’s too late.” –Jay Leno

“Some protesters brought their kids to the demonstrations of Occupy Wall Street. Some of the kids got bored and decided to occupy Sesame Street instead. There’s a bill in Florida to repeal the state ban on dwarf tossing. Is this what Republicans mean when they say they want smaller government?” –Jimmy Kimmel “Hey, Congratulations to Donald Trump, who just welcomed his fourth
grandchild! You could tell it was Trump’s grandchild because as soon as it came out, it demanded to see its own birth certificate.” –Jimmy Fallon

So another week is in the books. Color is returning to the western skies, as I shot a couple of pretty sunsets last week. So you’ve been warned. We’ll catch you going deep to left. Aloha, mahalo and later, Nelson Cruz fans.