It Takes A Long Time To Grow Old
Good morning and greetings, baby boomer fans. In my last posting, I wrote about the impending birthdays of my son and brother. I am happy to report they both enjoyed their birthday celebrations, although Brad mentioned at his age (56), he couldn’t remember turning 21. Or as Mark Twain once tweeted, “When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.”
But there was still one other birthday to celebrate in the Gilbert family, as yesterday, April 12, my father, Daniel Gilbert, turned 98 years old. Yes, 98 years old, sports fans. If you’re keeping a scorecard at home, that’s approximately 35,770 days on the planet.
Now you would think we would be having a grand celebration in honor of such an auspicious occasion, but it was not to be. Unfortunately, my father did not know it was his birthday. The last time I asked him how old he was, he said 56. He does not know what day it is, what time it is or who is the president.
That is because he has been diagnosed with advanced dementia, and there is very little left of his short term memory. His mind started to go south in the his late 80’s, as I can’t remember the exact year. The decline was gradual, but definitely noticeable.
Back when my father was in his 80’s, I used to take him out to lunch to give my mother some free time for herself. The conversation was good and the dining always pleasant, with juicy hamburgers at The Hindquarter, prime rib out on the wharf at Gilda’s and shrimp and lobster sauce, his favorite Chinese dish at Tam’s, where he always had eyes on my soup.
But then walking became tricky and other things came into play, so I figured after 85 plus years of going out to eat, he’d just have to settle for home cooked meals. I wanted him to be safe, and not fall and break a hip, which is the beginning of the end for many elderly people. So he began his indoor existence, where he is now still today.
For his 90th birthday, we threw him a party at the Peachwoods Grill over in Pasatiempo. It was an amazing experience because the dementia had set in, but on this day he miraculously rose to the occasion as the honored guest. He graciously handled himself and no one really noticed anything out of place.But on the way out, while walking with my brother, the demons returned as I heard him saying, “Where are we, where are we going.” The fog had returned.
And that was basically the last time we celebrated an occasion that he was somewhat conscious of. Over the years the dementia has taken over and has robbed him of the most of the joy in his life. He know longer follows his New York Giants and Knicks, as he watches the screen but the rooting interest has been gone for years.
Unfortunately, the dementia has taken a toll on my 89 year old mother, who after 65 years of being married to this man and dealing with his manic depression, is just exhausted, after putting his needs in front of hers. At her tender age, she has been a caregiver too long, and she is plain worn out.
We want my father to stay at home as long as possible, as my mother does not want to spend her free time visiting him in a nursing facility. I agree with her, but the task of taking care of him has taken a toll on both of us.
We now have caregivers during the day and overnights. But the stress of the situation led to my mother contracting shingles last July, which were incredibly painful and threw her for a loop. She is now in some sort of pain every day, and as she often says to me these days, ‘I’m not whistling Dixie.”
So I take her out to lunch, to doctor’s appointments and make sure they get a good, home cooked meal every night. My father’s world has become very small, as he has outlived everyone in his family, just has his body has outlived his mind. No one comes to visit except the caregivers, and he rarely goes outside, as he spends his days sleeping and watching television. It’s not a pretty picture, and every day is like basically the same. These are not the golden years.
But his heart is strong, and he continues to live on, though I doubt that he is enjoying his existence. It is difficult to imagine being 98 years old, as I know how my body feels at age 62. Tired doesn’t begin to describe it.
So he continues on. He take very little medication and rarely visits the doctor. When we did, the doctor would ask, “Is he walking okay?” “Yes.” “Is he eating well?” “Yes.” Does he get agitated or belligerent?” ‘No.” “Well,” says the doctor, “Five more years and he’ll be 100.”
And that about says it all. He just keeps on ticking. Happy birthday, Dad.
For our photo concession this week, we are heading up to the Arboretum at UCSC. I awoke last Tuesday to the sound of rain, and wanted to shoot the flowers with the precipitation intact. When I arrived at the Arboretum, the sky was changing from blue to gray, as rabbits scurried around in the underbrush. There were lots of flowers in bloom, and I captured the color and droplets of moistness I was looking for.
On to some late night humor. “John McCain addressed critics who believe he will be too old to run for a sixth term in the Senate, saying that he’s still healthy and ready to go. Then people around McCain said, “Why is he talking to that mannequin?” – Jimmy Fallon “The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama just made his first presidential trip to the state of Utah. Obama spent his time in Utah just like you’d expect — telling people, “Uh, no, I don’t play for the Jazz.” Jeb Bush is facing criticism after it was just revealed that he checked off his race as “Hispanic” on a voter registration form back in 2009. When asked if he regrets it now, Bush said, “Si.” – Jimmy Fallon
“California may force the city of Beverly Hills to cut its water use by up to 35 percent. So yet another tough break for Beverly Hills farmers. McDonald’s has announced plans to unveil even larger hamburgers. They also announced plans to widen their doors and reinforce the floors.” – Conan O’Brien
So we’ll catch you being the go-to guy on the defending NBA champions and leading the Spurs into the playoffs. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kawhi Leonard fans.
