Good morning and greetings, rock and roll fans. If you’re a baby boomer and music is your mistress, then you might have a memory of February 7, 1964, the day the Beatles arrived in New York to party with Ed Sullivan. I remember the excitement when they stepped off the Boeing 707 at Kennedy Airport before Pan Am lost their luggage. There was pandemonium on the tarmac, as people were sobbing, screaming and waving banners, and those were just the skycaps and taxi drivers. It had been a hard day’s flight for these lads, who had been working like dogs. The British Invasion had begun.

This was the start of a classic period, when British pop stars and rock and rollers came to the USA and blew the ears and minds of American youth. Many people were caught by surprise, as even Paul Revere didn’t know they were coming. We’re talking groups like The Rolling Stones, The Who, The Kinks, The Animals, The Yardbirds, The Dave Clark Five and Herman’s Hermits. Yes, Mrs. Brown certainly had a lovely daughter, as these groups would have an impact on the US music scene that has lasted longer than my membership to 24 Hour Fitness.

Now some thirty years after the twenty years ago today when Sgt. Pepper taught his band to play, there’s another invasion hitting the shores of America, but it doesn’t involve super groups or groupies. In a story written by Barbara Liston for Reuters, South Florida is fighting a growing infestation of one of the world’s most destructive invasive species. No, not the Justin Beiber music tour, but the giant African land snail, which can grow to be the size of a rat, and whose favorite hobbies are gnawing through stucco, plaster and retirement communities.

More than 1,000 of these marauding mollusks are being caught in speed traps each week in Miami-Dade County, while some have been spotted taking in Heat games at American Airlines Arena. Over 117,000 in total are now in custody facing deportation charges since the first snail was spotted by Ponce de Leon Jr. in September 2011.

And there are more on the way, as the snails will soon emerge from underground hibernation at the start of the state’s rainy season. Denise Feiber, a spokeswoman for the Florida Department of Agriculture, says the snails attack “over 500 known species of plants, pretty much anything that’s in their path and green.” That being said, I have a message for all cucumbers. Run!

According to Billy Ocean, in some Caribbean countries like Barbados, the snails’ shells blow out tires and hair on the highway and turn into hurling projectiles from lawnmower blades. At the same time, their slime and excrement coats pavements and walls, which is driving the local taggers crazy.

A typical snail can produce about 1,200 eggs, a pound of bacon and a side order of toast each year. These slow-moving creatures, like telemarketers, are a real pest for homeowners, as they have a fondness for stucco, which they devour for the calcium content they need for their shells. Researchers have found that snails pay very close attention to their intake of calcium so as to meet the daily nutrient requirements for healthy mollusks.

The snails also carry a parasitic rat lungworm that can cause a form of meningitis, which can really be a downer at parties. Fortunately, no such cases have yet been identified in the United States or Hawaii.

These are not the first exotic species to invade the Sunshine State. Numero uno would be the infestation of the giant Burmese pythons, which have took taken up home in the Everglades and are reproducing faster than the Octomom on her best day. Burmese pythons can grow to be 26 feet long and more than 200 pounds, and they have been known to swallow victims as large as alligators or a Rush Limbaugh. Constrictors snakes kill their prey by coiling around it and suffocating it, unlike Rush, who suffocates his victims with billowing hot air.

There is a long list of destructive non-native species that thrive in the state’s moist, subtropical climate, with many of them now starring in their own reality shows. Experts gathered last week to seek the best ways to eradicate the mollusks, including use of a stronger bait approved recently by the federal government and providing them with one way bus tickets to western states.

Investigators are trying to trace the snail infestation source. One possibility is a Miami Santeria group, a religion with West African and Caribbean roots, which was found in 2010 to be using the large snails in their rituals. This was the premise for an episode on “Miami Vice,” a show I watched religiously for fashion tips. But according to Ms. Feiber, many exotic species come into the United States unintentionally in freight or tourists’ baggage or colons.

“If you got a ham sandwich or an orange from Jamaica or the Dominican Republic, and you didn’t eat it all and bring it back into the States and then discard it, at some point, things can emerge from those products,” Feiber says. That’s why when I’m vacationing in the Caribbean, when I order I always ask for my mollusks on the side.

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The last known Florida invasion of the giant mollusks occurred in 1966. A young boy, who was a big “Magnum, P.I.” fan, returned to Miami from a vacation in Hawaii and brought back three snails and and an “Eddie Would Go” t-shirt. His grandmother eventually released them into her garden, where the population grew in seven years to 17,000 snails. The state then spent $1 million and 10 years eradicating them. Hey, kid, next time, when you want to bring back a souvenir, I got two words for you-macadamia nuts.

Feiber says many people and an anesthesiologist in the Satellite Beach are unfamiliar with the danger when viewing the snails as cute pets. “They’re huge, they look like they’re communicating with you, and people enjoy them for that.” The bottom line is, when large snails like this are released into an environment where, unlike myself, they have no natural enemies, they will thrive and cause massive devastation.

It was Russian author Ivan Turgevev who once said, “Time sometimes flies like a bird, sometimes crawls like a snail, but man is happiest when he does not even notice whether it passes swiftly as slowly.” And that, my friends, is why I never wear I watch. And finally, I believe it was either Tom Selleck’s barber or the Dali Lama’s brother who came up with this nugget of wisdom.” The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it’s the weekend. Then the snail rides a F****** ferrari.”

I have partied with these giant snails on my trips to the Garden Isle of Kauai, and have posted an image of one in today’s photo fun pack. And we are heading back to the skies today, as I have over twenty sunrise and sunsets from the fall and winter sitting on the runway of my archives, waiting for clearance. This sunset was a beauty from the night of January 7 at Natural Bridges State Beach, when both the sky, sand and my heart and lungs glowed with beauty and joy. I always love photographing the remaining arch, because not only is this art, but it’s history. And erosion, like time, waits for no one.

On to a some late nght humor. “The Coachella Music Festival started today. It’s held every year in the California desert. A whole weekend of peace, love, and $10 bottles of water.” – Craig Ferguson “For those of you who aren’t familiar with Coachella, it’s a big music festival in the California desert. If you didn’t get tickets or if you’re too far away, just get high and pass out in a dumpster behind Trader Joe’s. Just like being there.” – Jimmy Kimmel “According to a new study, our views on immigration are changing. For example, when asked if they support a path to citizenship, 40 percent of the respondents said, “Si.” – Jay Leno ”

“It was revealed today that someone sent President Obama a suspicious letter containing the poison ricin. It’s a deadly poison made from beans. They said it’s the third worst substance you can send in the mail behind anthrax and packing peanuts. A man in New York City is convicted of stealing more than $376,000 worth of copy machine toner from the law firm he worked for. They’re known for their work with big corporations and investment banks, and also for not ever having any toner in their copier.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A 14-year-old boy from China is the youngest golfer to ever compete in The Masters. During his round of golf today, the Chinese boy made two birdies, an eagle, and an iPad. DC Comics introduced its first-ever transgender character. The character is called “Wonder If It’s a Woman.” A new report claims that almost half of Justin Bieber’s 37 million Twitter followers are fake. Even more disturbing: The other half is real. Tom Cruise made his first public comments about his divorce from Katie Holmes. He said, “I didn’t see it coming.” Apparently Katie kept her divorce papers on top of the refrigerator.” – Conan O’Brien

So that’s a wrap. A birthday shout out goes today out to my Stanford cycling pal, Jim Buser, the creator of Duck and Cover, who was the first person to ask the world,”What if the hokey pokey isn’t what it’s all about?”

So as we try to wash away and the evil and madness around us, try to enjoy the first round of the NBA playoffs. We’ll catch you coming into your own after the all-star break and showing NBA observers who was the best shooter in the league this year. Aloha, mahalo and later, Stephen Curry fans.

Good morning and greetings, Valentine’s Day fans. What a great day this has become for chocolate lovers, romantics and stalkers of the world. On this day, one can display his or her affections with a card that someone else wrote (“I never believed in miracles and then I found each day has turned into one because of you,”) some sugar that we probably don’t need, or some jewelry that we can always sell on eBay if the relationship doesn’t work out. Meanwhile, many folks not involved in a relationship get left out in the cold and hope this day passes as quickly as possible. Now that may be a little cynical, but I think I’m right on the Eddie Money without two tickets to paradise.

But being a hopeless romantic, I always get caught up in the holiday spirit. However, last year, when I presented my wife with a box a chocolate matzos, she seemed a tad disappointed. I’m not sure if chocolate covered unleavened bread conveyed the thought of thanks for loving me, always being there and sharing the same DVR taping system. So this year, I’m going to do it right and go with dark chocolate pretzels.

I was immediately smitten when I met my future bride. I remember early on, an offer I made when she was looking to move into the oceanfront house I was living in. “Come live in my heart and pay no rent.” She then asked if that included utilities. An hour later, I told her that a hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for her. She blushed and then went out and bought a dozen defibrillators.

So Valentine’s Day is always a special occasion for us. I remember last year as she told me between commercials, “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” And then I held her closely and said, “If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be a teardrop, because I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.” And then I lobbed this winner, “When we met, it was not my ear you whispered into, but my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Now that, my friends, is a Hallmark moment.

So in honor of this day of love and chocolate, here’s a joke that made me chuckle. A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years. At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the lady said, “Pardon?”

So it was a good week on the weather front, as we had sun, clouds, rain, light, darkness and some golf. Last Wednesday, on a crisp morning at Natural Bridges, frost was covering the sand as I observed nineteen snowy egrets lined up in a row like bowling pins. Of course, being a semi-professional photographer, I didn’t have my camera or passport with me, so I raced home, grabbed it and was back before you could say “Zero Dark Thirty.” Or in the words of Jessica Chastain to CIA chief Tony Soprano, “I’m the motherfu****** who found this place.”

By the way, last three flicks I’ve seen all been big-time winners, tremendously enjoyable cinematic experiences. We’re talking “Argo,” “Silver Linings Playbook” and “Zero Dark Thirty.” I walked out of all three saying , “Wow, that was great at a matinee price.

So getting back to the beach, the snowys were still there when I returned but in a slightly rearranged order, so I headed down to the far end of the beach to shoot these birds of a feather huddled together in the cold weather (photo #1). Also included is a smaller group shot and one of a dynamic duo. Then it was on to photographing a group of pelicans that had gathered for their morning coffee and sardines on the remaining arch. It was a great way to start off a chilly day on Monterey Bay.

The final photo is my Valentine’s day shot, as a caught a group of lovebirds, er pigeons, perched on a telephone wire basking in the morning sun. Next week we’ll return to the fabulous winter sunrise and sunset experiences, as I have many sitting on the runway waiting for clearance. They range from good to classic fantastic, and all will be seen. Because that’s the way we roll at Sunrise Santa Cruz.

On to some late night humor. “Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he wants to become the first Iranian to go into outer space. He wants to study the effects of anti-gravity on anti-Semitism. Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail. This is kind of disturbing. The Justice Department has concluded that the president can order drone strikes on American citizens. And today, Rush Limbaugh came out in favor of Obamacare.” – Jay Leno

A Justice Department memo claims that President Obama has the right to order the assassination of an American anywhere in the world. Isn’t that crazy? In a related story, Donald Trump has gone into hiding. The justice department is saying that President Obama can order drone strikes on American citizens, that he can do that. In a related story, this is the last Obama joke I’m ever doing on this show. U.S. employers just added 157,000 jobs to the economy. Of course, most of those were for backup dancers for Beyoncé. During the Super Bowl there was a 35-minute blackout. Afterwards Lindsay Lohan said, “So that wasn’t just me.” – Conan O’Brien

“Pakistan is opening an amusement park and a zoo in the same town where the raid on Osama Bin Laden took place. The zoo is pretty cool, but I’ve heard you won’t be able to see the seals until it’s too late. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un recently got a smart phone. And you can tell it’s a smart phone because today it left North Korea. Last night runners from around the world competed in the annual race to the top of the Empire State Building. But there’s already a scandal brewing. It turns out one of the competitors tested positive for elevator.” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new report by economists lists the world’s most expensive cities. It turns out the most expensive city is Tokyo, Japan. Tokyo unveiled their new tourism slogan today. Their slogan is: “Tokyo: We’ll leave you brokeo.” – Craig Ferguson “This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S. They got married more than 80 years ago. They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years.” – Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our Chinese New Year report. I think the Year of the Snake is going to be a good one for my cyber readers and burmese pythons. We’ll catch you showing NBA fans why you’re the top scoring point guard in the league and an all-star in just your second season. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kyrie Irving fans.

Good morning and greetings, Pentagon fans. Well, drama was on center stage last week in Washington, as the director of the CIA, General David Petraeus, was forced to resign for having an affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. Shame on you, general. His response: “I showed extremely poor judgement and engaging in an extramarital affair with a woman who turned out to be a blabbermouth.”

It seems as if the married men at the top, whether it be a Bill Clinton, General Patraeus or Charlie Sheen, have a problem keeping it in their pants. Or in the words of Woody Allen, “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.”

This story of feasting on the forbidden fruit continued to unfold throughout the week, as a second woman, Jill Kelly, revealed she had received anonymous threatening emails telling her to keep her paws off the general. Turns out the emails were from biographer turned mistress Paula Broadwell. Or as Martin Short said of her, “Some people are born great and other have greatness thrusted into them.”

Later in the week the “seductress” Ms. Kelly claimed diplomatic immunity as she tried to ward off focus from the media. Good luck with that. It brought to mind something Gary Shandling once said, “I once made love for an hour and a quarter but it was the night the clocks were set ahead.”

And this story of military love, lust and betrayal got even kinkier, when it was revealed that General John Allen, who is in command of our 68,000 troops in Afghanistan, had email communications with the fabulous Ms. Kelly. Pentagon and FBI sources said they were “potentially inappropriate” and “flirtatious” and even worse had grammar and spelling errors. Or as Bill Maher quipped, “Apparently, this chick was flirting with everyone except General Motors.”

And then to top it all off, the FBI agent who Jill Kelly had first brought the anonymous emails to was investigated for sending a shirtless photos of himself to Kelly. Turns out it was just a joke. Still, I may be old fashioned, but isn’t it supposed to work the other way around?

So who is this Jill Kelly and why am I am suddenly so attracted to her? This episode of “All My Generals” reminds me of something I recently heard at a vegan nutritional seminar. “Food has replaced sex in my life and now I can’t get my pants on.”

And that leads us into today’s topic. A couple of months back I wrote about how soft drink giants Coke and Pepsi are trying to develop a soda with no calories, no artificial sweeteners and no funny aftertaste because consumption of this sweet poison is down.

Well, Pepsi, which has your taste for life, really wants to change the game. In a story written by Lisa Collier Cool for Yahoo Health, Pepsi announced last week that they had launched a version of its popular cola in Japan that claims to block the absorption of fat for those who think young and thin.

Simply called Pepsi Special, this caffeinated soft drink has the added ingredient dextrin, a natural water-soluble dietary fiber derived from potatoes. This is not to be confused with dexedrine, a recreational stimulant which will put more than a litttle bounce in your step.

Japanese commercials touting the Pepsi Special’s effectiveness for weight loss even go as far as to ask, “Why choose between a hamburger and a slice of pizza? If you choose Pepsi Special, you can have both!” Or french fries and onion rings. Miso and matzo ball soup. Who says you can’t have it all?

Pepsi claims that dextrin slows the absorption of fat in the body by binding with it and eliminating it as waste, not reserving it as empty calories. It’s basing its claims on a Japanese study published in 2006 by The Teriyaki Institute that showed that rats fed dextrin actually absorbed less fat than those that were not. And further tests revealed that research causes cancer in rats. When I asked James Cagney about the subjects of this study, he responded, “Those dirty, double-crossing rats.”

But you might want to hold off before jumping on this no-fat love train. In the late 1990’s, U.S. snack food companies added olestra to salty snacks like potato chips, which was a fat-blocking ingredient that destroyed a substantial amount of valuable nutrients and gave junk-food lovers a little more than they had bargained for.

Americans who dove into the olestra arena experienced bloating, cramping, diarrhea, loose bowel movements and a craving for Mountain Dew. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration defends olestra, even though its use is banned in the Canada, the United Kingdom and Ted’s Bakery on the north shore of Oahu. As it turns out, dextrin produces the same results. Now, I don’t want to be a party pooper, but when it comes to my movements, I want them to be as smooth as Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony.

So here’s the bottom line. Pepsi claims that its new and improved cola is just as good as the non-diet version. So if you want to take the Pepsi challenge, remember that despite its claims of refreshing the world, the Pepsi Special still contains high levels of sugar in the form of high fructose corn syrup, which is one of obesity’s best friends.

I’m still thinking that a proper diet, exercise and watching a lot of HDTV might be a better way to lose weight. Either way, I’m just soda-lighted for opportunity to discuss this important health news. Keep up that Pepsi spirit.

For today’s photo lounge, we are heading to the coast and Lighthouse Point, as the first great sunrise of the season debuted Thursday morning. I was going to feature it in this week’s post, but then a sunset took center stage that night that was off the charts.

It was your classic double dip day, with the action at both dawn and dusk being a digital treat. At sunset, the high clouds didn’t produce much color, but the panel of clouds along the horizon looking unreal through my zoom lens. And the highlight of the evening was when another group of swirling clouds appeared in front of the originals (photo #7), creating an exotic canvas of color and texture like I had never seen before. Quite a memorable twilight doubleheader.

On to the late night. “CIA director General David Petraeus resigned Friday after it was revealed he was having an affair with the woman who wrote his biography, ‘All In.’ Of course when they first started working on the book, it was called, ‘Just The Tip.'” –Seth Meyers “People are disappointed. A four-star general, highly decorated, brilliant strategist, director of the CIA – and yet he’s behaving like your common congressman.” –Jay Leno

“Today a rare 76-carat diamond went up for auction in Switzerland. The jeweler called it ‘a priceless stone’ while David Petraeus’ wife called it ‘a start.'” –Jimmy Fallon “This weekend, it was announced that Justin Bieber and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, have broken up. Bieber said, ‘Just tell me one thing – is it General Petraeus?'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Florida has finally finished counting the votes. What is wrong with Florida? Why is it so hard for the people down there to count votes? We’re talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time.” –Jay Leno “Republicans still will not admit that they underestimated the power of the Hispanic vote. As a matter of fact, Latinos are calling this Cinco Denio.” –David Letterman

“According to the real estate Web site Zillow, the White House is worth $283 million. When Mitt Romney heard that, he said, “You mean I could have just bought it?’ Mitt Romney’s family has been trying to console him since Tuesday’s loss. In fact, this morning they took him to Ikea just so he could feel what it’s like to put together a cabinet.” –Jay Leno

“Here’s what they’re saying was Mitt’s problem. He lived in his own bubble, his own little air-tight capsule, surrounded by sycophants who told him only what he wanted to hear. Wait a minute, I’m sorry, that’s me.” –David Letterman “The movie ‘Lincoln’ opened over the weekend. It’s getting unbelievable reviews. It’s so authentic. Daniel Day-Lewis plays Lincoln. Sally Field plays Mary Todd Lincoln. John McCain plays himself.” –Jay Leno

So enjoy the upcoming holiday weekend with family and friends, and remember that the key word in Thanksgiving is thanks. Take a moment to be grateful for all the things we sometimes take for granted. It never hurts to refresh one’s perspective.

We’ll catch you experiencing a weekend of wild upsets in college football that left folks at Notre Dame and Alabama smiling. Aloha, mahalo and later, BCS playoff fans.

Good morning and greetings, Final Four fans. Tonight the NCAA will crown its national basketball champion, as the soon-to-be millionaires from the University of Kentucky take on the Kansas Jayhawks.

As a young point guard growing up in New Jersey, I would lay in bed at night listening to the play-by-play of the Kentucky Wildcats games on my radio. Even though the bluegrass state was close to 600 miles away, the reception was as clear as Rick Santorum’s views on abortion, same sex marriage and Whoopi Goldberg joining the cast of Fox’s “Glee” for a multi-episode arc.

When my family would go on road trips, my father liked to play “College Bowl” in the car, which was a quiz show that broadcast in the 1960’s. Two four-member teams from different universities would compete by buzzing in and answering toss up questions before moving on to the bonus round. My father would ask what college I wanted to be and I would invariably choose between Kentucky, Princeton or Faber.

Fortunately, both my brothers were still younger than me at the time, so the competition wasn’t all that stiff. Still, my father would always try to stump me with a math question like, “If an electric train is traveling 80 MPH and it needs to cross three time zones to reach its destination by 3 p.m., what did the engineer have for breakfast?”

The reason I bring this up is that March Madness is about more than who will be cutting down the nets tonight in New Orleans. This month is also synonymous with colleges sending out acceptance and rejection letters to high school students, who are trying to figure out where, after living at home for their wonder years, they will be residing for the next four. Since our son Jason is a senior, I’ve had a bird-eye view of this process that gently lures our children away from us and puts them on the college dining hall food plan.

In the fall it was application city, as Jason wrote enough essays to put together another Book of Psalms. When it was time for me to leave my parent’s abode, (back before there was history) I applied to three colleges, Northwestern, Syracuse and American University. I was accepted at all three, and since I could drive to Syracuse but had to fly to attend Northwestern, I chose the lovely confines of the cloud belt of New York State.

Unfortunately, I didn’t read in the fine print that it would go from winter to summer with no spring in my sophomore year, an event that led me on my manifest destiny to this cold water paradise called Santa Cruz. Turns out Syracuse was an old Indian word meaning “where the sky never stays blue very long” and since I was only going to be an undergraduate for seven years, I wanted to get an education somewhere that would leave me with a degree and a tan.

But let’s get back to my first born. After my son finished writing essays like “Tell us about your allergies, dreams and aspirations, why your future roomate won’t hate you and if you were a college course, what would you be?,” he then went into a hibernation period from the college dream while waiting to experience the joy and disappointments. At this point, some of the dreams are still alive, as to paraphrase Foreigner, “I’ve been waiting for a school like you to come into my life.”

The college acceptance rate is as nutty as a holiday fruitcake, as there are way too many qualified applicants who all want to go to the same place. When 38,000 applicants apply for 2,400 spots, there is something wacky with the system. Seems everyone wants to go to the same place. I don’t want to say what these places are, but they rhyme with Harvard and Stanford.

So who gets in and who gets rejected is as random as it gets, and even if you wish upon a star, your dreams always don’t come true. As of this writing, we don’t know exactly where our first born is headed, but we know it’s in the right direction in a golden state. But wherever he goes he’ll do just fine, as he will shine like Bruce Willis’ dome on a sunny day. I’m just going to miss seeing the light show.

Speaking of light, for today’s photo entree we are serving up the second half of the February 2 experience. Last week we observed the lovely morning’s activities, so today we are heading out to Natural Bridges to witness the second half of the daily double sunrise/sunset extravaganza.

The first four shots were taken at my favorite state park at the end of West Cliff Drive, before I headed south and photographed the color disappearing over the Pacific. The evening had a bit of a golden glow to it, and anytime I shoot the sunrise and sunset in the same day I always sleep a little better at night. That is, except for those endless trips to the bathroom. Gee, I love getting older.

On to the late night. “Rumors now that Mitt Romney might pick Rick Santorum for his VP running mate. But Rick is dubious. He thinks two guys on the same ticket might be gay.” –David Letterman “The Supreme Court is deciding right now whether the government can mandate that all Americans buy health insurance. Rick Santorum said, ‘There’s no way I’m letting the government make me go on a man date.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Rick Santorum calls himself the only true conservative in the race. He is so conservative he thinks Levitra is a pill that helps you throw a football through a tire swing. He is so conservative, he won’t even use the phrase ‘get ahold of yourself.’ That’s how conservative.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama is getting tough on North Korea. This weekend President Obama warned Kim Jong Un that bad behavior will not be rewarded. Then Kim Jong Un asked, ‘So how do you explain a new season of ‘Jersey Shore.’” –Conan O’Brien “Yesterday on CNN, White House adviser David Plouffe referred to the Republican presidential race as a ‘clown show.’ That’s as rough as it gets on CNN. Romney, Santorum, Paul, and Gingrich all called the statement ridiculous and then piled into one tiny car and drove off.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Dick Cheney received a heart transplant this weekend after waiting for two years. He wasn’t waiting for a donor. It just took doctors two years to find Cheney’s current heart.” –Jimmy Fallon “Dick Cheney was talking to a reporter right after the surgery and he said he wants to live long enough to make sure nobody else gets healthcare.” –David Letterman

“Yesterday was a crazy day for Tim Tebow. They said he was with the Jets, then they said there was a snag, he might not be. Then they said he could go with the Rams or with the Jaguars. The last two days he’s been traded back and forth more than Rod Blagojevich on that first night in prison.” –Jay Leno

So that’s our first pass for April. Birthday wishes go out on Saturday to my college-bound son, Jason, who turns 18 and is chomping at the bit to vote. I can’t imagine having a better son, and if I were any prouder of the young man he’s grown into I would burst like a ruptured appendix.

Also popping out of the womb on April 7 was my snow boarding brother, Brad, who’s taking off on Saturday for some heli-snowboarding in Alaska. I would love to have joined him swooshing down those icy glacial slopes, but my rabbi wouldn’t sign my permission slip.

So enjoy tonight’s championship game. I hope some of you tuned in to the UConn-Notre Dame women’s semi-final game on Saturday as it was a classic. We’ll catch you burying threes, dominating the glass and putting up MVP numbers. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kevin Love fans.

Good morning and greetings, Super Tuesday fans. Last week was a wild one, with killer tornadoes blasting through from Great Lakes to the Gulf Coast, Republican hopefuls Romney and Santorum blasting each other in the press and the tragic high school shootings in Ohio. Thank goodness things are going well in Afghanistan. So with all this devastation, I thought I would go with something light and fluffly this week, like a cheese souffle or a Sarah Palin foreign policy briefing.

While surfing the internet looking for information about why certain blogs don’t go viral, I came across www.blogspot.com and went right to the believe it or not section. So in the words of Micky Dolenz, with background vocals by the recently departed Davey Jones, “I’m in love, I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave this site if I tried.”

So here are some facts that you may not have known and may well wish to quickly forget. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue, so it’s always an embarrassing situation when the veterinarian says, “Stick out your tongue and say ahh.” A snail can sleep for three years without having to once get up to go to the bathroom. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. Damn right I’m envious.

All polar bears are left-handed, whereas on the average, right-handed people live nine years longer than left-handed people do, especially if they’re not being chased by polar bears. In 1987, American Airlines saved $40,000 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class. And that’s why I have to beg for an extra bag of mini-pretzels in coach. On average Americans eat 18 acres of pizza every day while drinking enough soda to refill the Mediterranean Sea.

Babies are born without knee caps, which don’t appear until the child reaches two to six years of age or the power button on the TV set. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath, but you might want to if you’re a woman and Rick Santorum is the Republican nominee in November.

China has more English speakers than Bose and the United States. Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. Which reminds me of the old Three Stooges line, “You go Uruguay, I’ll go my way.”

Elephants and white men are the only animals that can’t jump. Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie. Which brings to mind the time Jay Leno asked Richard Simmons the cost of a Barbara Streisand stamp they were selling at her Las Vegas concert. Simmons said, “$75.” Leno replied, “For $75, that stamp should lick me.”

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. However, humans are the only ones that have to pay for it. “I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language followed by the most commonly used, “Not now, I have a headache.” If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. I’m not even going to talk about Ken.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction, which is also why you’re hungry an hour later after eating Chinese food. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes, which led to last year’s protests in Tahrir Square.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Go ahead, try it. Women blink nearly twice as much as men, but men are better at winking. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. Picasso invented the hot comb. Marilyn Monroe had six toes and the Kennedys. Charlotte team owner Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. Despite this, his Bobcats are the worst team in the NBA.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. What an asinine thought. No word in the English language rhymes with month. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because in the ’30’s cotton growers lobbied against hemp farmers as they saw it as competition. Thus the derivation of the term “cotton balls.” Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older, and none will drive after 112.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose, ears and fears never stop growing. Some lions mate over 50 times a day, thus deserving the title of king of the jungle and luckiest animal alive. Starfish and Tea Party members haven’t got brains. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, which is why they like to order off the menu.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand, followed by “What would you like to drink?” The sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language. The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. And dog spelled backwards is God. And that is why they are considered man’s best friend after the remote control.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. Why does this not surprise me? The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. That is some wild foreplay.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed, followed my Connor, Madison and Dakota. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes when it remembered it was an archipelago.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue, followed by the libido. The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want, which I am all too familiar with. And finally, you share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world. Now don’t you feel special?

For today’s photo entree we are heading over to Natural Bridges State Beach on the night of February 21. The sky showed some major potential as the sun headed towards the horizon. As you can see, it turned out to be well worth the digital trip down to sea level. Unlike tornado season, which usually runs from spring through fall, it looks like the spectacular sunrises and sunsets are pretty much done for a while. Fortunately, I have my memories and more importantly, the jpegs.

On to the late night. “As of today, Rick Santorum will be assigned Secret Service agents. This is the first time Santorum has agreed to use any kind of protection.” –Conan O’Brien “Rick Santorum is claiming that Mitt Romney and Ron Paul have teamed up against him. Which is kind of ironic — that Santorum can be brought down by two men forming a civil union.” –Jay Leno “The latest polls show Romney and Rick Santorum neck and neck. Not to be confused with Newt Gingrich, who is shown in the polls as chin to chin.” –David Letterman

“Rick Santorum is saying the kids that go to college are snobs. Rick Santorum has a new program for children. It’s called Every Child Left Behind. Rick Santorum thinks that global warming, climate change, is a hoax. Let me ask you something, Rick. If you think global warming and climate change is a hoax, how do you explain those sleeveless sweaters?” –David Letterman “Rick Santorum released his tax returns this week, and under withholding he wrote oral sex.” –Bill Maher

“Tomorrow is leap day. This is something that only happens once every four years. Or as Newt Gingrich calls that, a sit-up. In yesterday’s Michigan primary, Newt Gingrich actually came in fourth place. Or as the ice cream in his freezer put it, it’s gonna be a long night. “It was a tough game for the New York Knicks last night. Jeremy Lin went just 1-for-11 in their loss to Miami. Only 1 success out of 11 attempts — or as Newt Gingrich calls that, ‘primary season.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to the most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, ‘That’s exactly the kind of misrepresentation I’d expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney.’” –Conan O’Brien “Bob Morris, a state lawmaker from Fort Wayne, Ind., has decided not to support a proposal to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. He believes the Girl Scouts is a, quote, ‘radicalized organization that supports homosexuality and abortion.’ I’m all for freedom of speech, but that kind of talk might get you picked as Rick Santorum’s running mate.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Rick, I’m sorry that hearing that JFK speech on religion makes you throw up. But if it makes you feel any better, if JFK were alive today, knowing you were running for President would make him s**t his pants.” –Jon Stewart “Yeah, what a snob. Obama thinks everybody should go to college like he did. Some of us weren’t handed a ticket to Harvard by being the biracial son of a single mother on food stamps. Must be nice.” –Stephen Colbert on Rick Santorum calling Obama a snob for suggesting that kids should go to college.

So that’s our entree into March madness. And regarding the answer to yesterday’s Daily Double question on Jeopardy, “Who’s birthday is it today?” Well, the answer would be my former NBA basketball correspondent from my sportstalk radio days, Robert Hall, who was as unselfish with the microphone as he was with the rock. This is a man who has a CD of every concert ever recorded since George Washington sat in with the Doobie Brothers.

You might want to take a moment and be thankful you’re not living in tornado alley, as last Friday was a horrific one for our nation. It was a day of stunning destruction that left folks shaken and broken.

We’ll catch you putting on a spectacular show on national TV. Aloha, mahalo and later, Rajon Rondo fans.

Good morning and greetings, fall equinox fans. That’s right, last Friday, Donna Summer left us and we are now autumn bound. That means the days, like my memory, are getting shorter, while the nights are stronger than moonshine. We’re talking later sunrises and earlier sunsets, which I will continue to monitor for the the hundreds of thousands, er, hundreds, er, many dozens of loyal readers of Sunrise Santa Cruz.

This week I want to talk big booms, not to be confused with big boobs, which would describe our current lawmakers. Last week there was a massive rumbling in the Himalayas, as a strong earthquake hit India, Nepal and Tibet. When Bob Seger heard about this, he said, “I’m think I’m going to Kathmandu, that’s really, really where I’m going to.” The world around us is a rockin’ and a shakin’ and that’s where we pick up today’s story.

When I think of massive explosions, the first things that come to mind are Mount St. Helens, the 2010 eruption of Eyjavjallajokull in Iceland and the berating of referees by former Indiana University basketball Coach Bobby Knight. But they don’t come close to being the world’s deadliest eruption.

Mount Tambora is on the island of Sumbawa, Indonesia, which is flanked to the north and south by the oceanic crust, which is not to be confused with what my mother cut off my sandwiches as a young child. In a story reported by Nasrullah Roa for the Associated Press, she reports that the mountain has been a rumblin’, causing families that live next to this live volcano to flee the area faster than Tricky Dick Nixon exited the White House in 1973 after proclaiming, “I am not a crook.”

Indonesia is located in the Pacific Ring of Fire, in an area known for its frequent earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and tasty waves to surf. We’re talking 130 active volcanoes and surf shops. Mount Tambora has the unfortunate honor for being ground zero for the world’s deadliest eruption. Back around the birth of John McCain on April 10, 1815, the mountain exploded and the blast left a crater than was 7 miles long and and a half a mile deep. It launched an estimated 400 million tons of sulfuric acid into the atmosphere, leading to the worst famine of the 19th century and “the year without summer” in the United States and Europe, which had a very negative effect on the baseball pennant races.

Prior to the eruption, much like today’s Congress, Tambora had stood dormant for around 5,000 years. There have been only five blasts like this in recorded history, not counting 1973, when Barry Bonds set the Major League record with 73 home runs.

The death toll from this natural disaster was horrific, with estimates between 90,000 and 117,000 in Indonesia alone. 12,000 died immediately as a direct result of the eruption, while tens of thousands more were killed as a result of starvation and disease. Thick layers of ash from the volcanic fallout ruined crops as animals, rice fields and President Sukarno disappeared from the earth. Nobody was partying in Bali.

This Super Bowl of eruptions brought on 16-foot tsunamis along the coast of Indonesia. The resulting waves of hot lava reached speeds of 124 mph, killing everything in its path. Mount Tambora continued to erupt until July 15, 1815 when in the words of Alice Cooper, “enough’s enough.”

Then in the summer of 1816, the dense volcanic ash from Mount Tambora’s eruption blew into the skies over the Northern Hemisphere. It cut off much of the sun, and if you know me, I like my sunlight like my apple juice, unfiltered. Snow fell in the northeastern United States well into July, which really cut back the summer beach action. What resulted was unseasonably low temperatures, crop failure, a failure to communicate, famine, disease, death and a lousy TV season across Europe and North America. This is what historians and TV critics refer to as “the year without a summer.” Truly, a major, major bummer.

This all-time, most deadly explosion was 10 times more powerful than Indonesia’s much better-known Krakatoa blast of 1883, which is history’s second deadliest. But it doesn’t share the same claim to international fame, because back in 1815, the only way news spread across the world was by the slow boat, smoke signals and the lucky few who were able to get reception on the Weather Channel.

Much like the Chicago Cubs, Mount Tambora had been pretty quiet for the last 200 years, until there was a new rumbling that started back in April. In August, white smoke started shooting in the sky. Then in September, it was seismic city, with 12 to 16 earthquakes a day coming up on the radar screen. I don’t know about you, but any time earthquake totals hit double digits in a single day, I’m just not myself.

This new activity forced local residents along the mountain to high tail it to lower ground. When I asked Stevie Wonder what he would do in this situation, he replied that he was “Gonna keep on tryin’, till he reached the higher ground.” I don’t think he quite understands the gravity of the situation, as local authorities fear there will be toxic gas as a result of the seismic activity or even worse, they may be exposed to MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”

And just in case you thought all the action was in the South Pacific, volcanologists in our 49th state are concerned that an eruption could be forthcoming from Mount Cleveland, which is located 940 miles southwest of Anchorage. This volcano lies below a major flight path between North America and Asia, and an eruption could create havoc to airline travel and more importantly, put a big crimp in the nation’s longest-running regular season basketball tournament, the Great Alaskan Shootout, scheduled for late November. I don’t want to miss that opening round matchup between Dartmouth and the USF Hilltoppers.

And finally, if you think we had lousy weather here on the central coast in September, we’re not alone. The Great Lakes region is usually sunny and pleasant but this year has been the exact opposite. It’s been cloudy and rainy to go along with cool Northerly breezes. Meteorologists, weather nuts and Big 10 football fans can’t remember when they ever that had weather like this across the Great Lakes and Ohio Valley in September. It looks like it’s lining up to be another brutal winter, so I’ve already ordered my shorts from Tommy Bahama’s winter collection.

For today’s photo rendezvous we are we opening up the archives and journeying back to a September’s past. We start out with sunrise over the water at Steamer’s Lane, before moving up to Lighthouse Point be finishing this mini-road trip at my favorite cypress tree along West Cliff Drive. When I contacted the Lovin’ Spoonfuls about these photos, John Sebastian said, “What a day for a day dream, custom made for a daydreamin’ boy.”

For the sunset portion of today’s program, we catch a beautiful late September low tide experience at Its Beach. We finish off the program with the prodigal sun shining through my favorite arch down at Its. Fittingly enough, on the first night of fall last Friday, a pretty sunset graced the western skies, so the wonderful world of color is on the way. Now I can just spend a day taking a walk in the sun, “dreaming ’bout my bundle of joy.”

On to the late night. “Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that he is releasing the two American hikers from captivity in Iran on humanitarian grounds. Then he went back torturing dissidents. A satellite is now headed toward earth and the people at NASA have no idea where it will land. How would they know? It’s not like they’re rocket scientists.” –David Letterman

“Two new books about Sarah Palin came out today. All of a sudden, I’m feeling OK about Borders going out of business. “The military’s controversial ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy was officially retired. This marks a new age of tolerance, acceptance, and awkward showering for everyone in the military.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is now over. Gay people can enlist, fight overseas, and then not be able to get married when they get back home.” –Jay

“Moammar Gadhafi released an audio message saying that he’s still in power, and just ‘temporarily’ going underground. Sure, just like my local Blockbuster is ‘temporarily’ closing its doors. “President Obama is speaking to the General Assembly tomorrow and he’s expected to urge the delegates to fight global warming, reduce poverty, and find out what the heck is happening at Netflix.” –Craig Ferguson

So that’s our last blast for September. I don’t know about you, but time is flying by faster than the NBA canceled their preseason games. It’s lockout city, baby. Get ready for Derek Jeter and the baseball playoffs and we’ll catch you coming off the mound. Aloha, mahalo and later, Justin Verlander fans.

Good morning and greetings, Independence Day fans. Now, I know the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains, but I had no idea that the rain in
Santa Cruz fell merrily in June. This being the case, much like during the math section of the SAT’s, I was somewhat surprised and bewildered when torrents of moisture dropped down from the sky last Tuesday.

According to the National Weather Service in Monterey, where I go to get my international news and latest cricket scores, two inches of rain fell in the month in June. Now, I know this doesn’t seem like much compared to the world’s record rainfall, when 12 inches came down in just 42 minutes back in Missouri in 1947. That, my raindrop-loving friends, was precipitation gone wild.

Tuesday’s surprise rainfall amounted to about .03 inches, which is the
same amount I shrink height-wise each year. When the skies opened up that morning, shocking locals, tourists and sunblock salesman, it went on the books as the wettest June on record in Santa Cruz history, breaking the previous mark set back in 1929, before there was skype, twitter and the newest Republican nut on the block, Michele Bachman.

This storm came spinning down from the Gulf of Sarah Palin’s Alaska, as a result of a strong low pressure system. Or in the words of the great George Carlin, as hippy-dippy weatherman Al Sleet, “the weather was dominated by a large Canadian low, which is not to be confused
with a Mexican high.” The storm also brought snow to the Sierras, which meant smiles on the face of skiers, snowboarders and saint bernards as both the slopes and my sinuses are open today on the Fourth of July.

Although this weather didn’t stick around much longer than my plans of going to medical school, it got me thinking about wild weather around this geographically diverse nation of ours. So thanks to Dan Baker at
http://web2.airmail.net, here are some fun and amazing facts that you may not have known or cared about from the weather front.

On February 12, 2010, which I believe was a Thursday, 49 of our 50 states had snow on the ground, with the exception of Hawaii, where snow was banned by the State Board of Tourism and signed into law by Commander Steve McGarrett of the new Hawaii Five-O. This is not really true, as snow recently fell on the Big Island on the slopes of either Mauna Loa, Mauna Kea or some kind of macadamia nut.

On January 11th of this year, snow was on the ground in every state except Florida, which received an exemption due to voting fraud and
the impending free agency of Orlando center Dwight Howard. The reason I bring these snow stats up is that it is very unusual for many of the southern states to have the white-powered ground cover, as it would be if the Republicans supported any legislation by Michelle Obama.

If you like dry spells, but how about the the goings on in Bagdad, California, a ghost town located in the eastern Mojave Desert? They
did not see any rain for 767 days during a two-year period between 1912 and 1914. The only drier period of time in history was the Golden State Warriors just sniffing the playoffs once in the last two hundred years.

When one hears Seattle, we think of Gus Williams, Kurt Cobain and rain.
Well, believe it or not, umbrella fans, although the Emerald City is cloudy 227 days a year, it receives less rain than New York, Miami or Fort Lee, New Jersey. So there goes the joke that it rains only twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

We think of Chicago as the “Windy City” or the city that Michael
Jordan built with the help of Scottie Pippen. However, when it comes to wind speed, it’s not close to being wind central, as New York’s average wind speed is higher, but that could be from all the hot air that Rush Limbaugh is blowing out over the radio.

And finally, Cherrapunji in northeastern India is considered the wettest place on earth. I always thought it was a mountaintop in Kauai, but obviously I’m no Al Roker. Anyway, in the iron of ironies, these poor folks experience severe water shortages due to pollution and deforestation. As a result, they must walk miles to obtain drinkable water. Thus, they are walking in the rain, but I have a feeling
they’re not singing and don’t have that “glorious feelin’, I’m happy again.”

For today’s photo symphony, we start out with a late afternoon sky full of clouds at Stockton Avenue before heading up to Natural Bridges to take in the sunset. Photo #3 is my salute to Fourth of July as I caught this gull in full regalia. I call this shot “Flying Free,” which is my personal Declaration of independence from British rule and rock.

We then finish up with an image from the same night of the final arch at the Bridges and then the dancing clouds reflecting on the sand. These
peach-like colors were unusual to view at sunset, and their reflection
decorated the beach in just the right way on this enchanting evening.

And now a little late night. “Anthony Weiner is reportedly involved in
choosing his successor. The first question he asked his potential replacements is, ‘What’s the difference between ‘reply’ and ‘reply all?” –Conan O’Brien “Anthony Weiner is back in the private sector now.
When he was a congressman from New York, I think it was his private sector that got him in trouble.” –David Letterman “President Obama was in New York today. There was an awkward moment in Times
Square when he saw the Naked Cowboy and said, ‘Please tell me you’re not a Democratic Congressman.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Michele Bachmann is kind of like Sarah Palin but without the charisma — or marksmanship. “You know, maybe we should stop telling kids that anyone can grow up to be president of the United States.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Michele Bachmann said her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa, is the birthplace of John Wayne, when it is actually the birthplace of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. She then said her favorite sitcom from the 80s is ‘Charles Manson in Charge.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of trying to sell President Obama’s Senate seat. As the verdict was read, Blagojevich’s face remained expressionless while his hair remained ridiculous.” –Conan O’Brien “Rod Blagojevich was charged with corruption — and unlawful imprisonment of a badger. Have you seen his hair?” –David Letterman “Rod Blagojevich was convicted of extortion, wire fraud, bribery, and
criminal abuse of styling mousse.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Speaking of Sarah Palin, this week, Palin tweeted that her daughter
Bristol’s new memoir is quote ‘shocking, refreshing, honest, inspiring, and perfect.’ Of course, she said the same thing about the movie ‘Cars
2.'” –Jimmy Fallon “Yesterday Sarah Palin said that she read Bristol
Palin’s new book and she found it ‘shocking.’ When asked what was shocking, Palin said ‘the fact I read a book.'” –Conan O’Brien

“Newt Gingrich says he does not support gay marriage. He says marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only be between a man and his first, second, and third wives.” –Conan O’Brien “Newt Gingrich said Republicans shouldn’t be afraid to go into black neighborhoods and tell them Obama failed them. To which every Republican replied ‘You first.'” –Bill Maher

So that’s my Independence Day blast. Birthday wishes go out today to my favorite high school Homecoming Queen, the fabulous Vicki Grimsland. So enjoy the NFL and the NBA lockouts and we’ll catch you at the negotiating table. Aloha, mahalo and later, Novak Djokovic fans.

Good morning and greetings, June gloom fans. The human mind, much like Rafael Nadal at the French Open, works in amazing ways. For example, every time I drink some Kern’s Nectar Guava juice, the thought of Hawaii blows through my cranium like a late afternoon trade wind. Just one taste and I’m back on the sand at Sunset Beach. It’s an amazingly easy way to go tropical when every sip is like a bite of fresh fruit.

What’s also amazing was the weather last week in Santa Cruz. On the final day of May, the weather was cold and rainy, or what San Franciscans refer to as “summer.” If I didn’t own a calendar, I would have thought it was mid-winter or just another holiday weekend.

Meanwhile, in other parts of our great United States, cities were experiencing slightly warmer temps. Phoenix hit the century mark at 100, Richmond, Virginia clocked in at 98 Memphis was a cozy 96 degrees. On this day, Santa Cruz was a tad cooler as the thermometer hit 58. On the eve of what many scientists, historians and lifeguards refer to as the beginning of summer, neither chivalry or shivering was dead.

I should also mention that downtown Baghdad hit a high of 114, but thank goodness we’ve gotten all our troops out of there and Afghanistan, so our brave men and women are no longer in harm’s way. Or as we like to say on the westside, “Mission Street Accomplished.”

Then came Saturday’s spring storm which brought driving rain, high winds and thunder clouds you don’t normally see this time of year. This while many around the nation sweltered under July-like temperatures with the bonus of high humidity. But then again, who doesn’t love winter weather in June.

I didn’t catch the forecast for Tripoli, but it’s reassuring to know that after 11 weeks of NATO bombing, Moammar Khadaffy has vowed to never give in, even after missiles knocked out his Direct TV satellite dish, which means that his catching the first episode of the new season “Men of a Certain Age” was in grave doubt.

But you would not have known this if you had tuned into NBC national news, as there was no time for a mention of Libya, Syria or Capitola. Brian Williams and his gang only have 22 minutes to cover the day’s events. So one might be left to wonder, what’s the update with Japan and that whole little nuclear reactor meltdown situation? Although it’s no longer a hot item, I’ve got to believe that many viewers might be wondering about this curious incident that had Chernobyl watchers sitting up straight in their seats.

Returning to the news, the aftermath of the destruction from the Joplin, Missouri tornado was moved back in the lineup, as the lead story on this chilly final day of May was the report of the dangers of cell phone use. A World Health Organization panel concluded that cell phones are “possibly carcinogenic”, and put these playful little devices in the same category as the pesticide
DDT, engine exhaust or any program broadcast by Fox News. This does not mean they are cancer causing, just that it is possible.

Now that is very reassuring to know, being that every child in America owns a cell phone and we certainly would not want to leave any child behind. Personally, I’m not a big cell phone user. I’m much more of a walkie-talkie fan, especially when I can’t get good reception on my ham radio. But I believe the cell phone companies when they say that these devices aren’t dangerous. After all, isn’t that what the tobacco companies assured us years ago?

I can’t say that watching the world news is a positive experience, as it often leaves me shaking my head. When my dog does that, I know it’s a sign of an ear infection, but for me it’s my way of saying, “what is going on in this world? But then I realize, I can always turn the TV off, grab my camera and head out into the sunset.

And that brings us to today’s photo experience. I wanted to start off the new month with some fabulous color from a fall sunset from a few years back. The place was Natural Bridges and the swell was pumping as surfers were out in force. The sky turned from orange sherbert to a lovely cherry jubilee, giving off a reflection in the sand and in the Pacific that was well worth texting home about. Or as I like to say, just another good night at the office.

Here’s a little late night. “Sarah Palin may run for President. Doesn’t that thought make you nostalgic for last week when you only thought the world was going to end? This weekend Sarah Palin begins a nationwide bus tour, which I think is a good way for her to learn the names of all the states. I think Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin would be the perfect ticket. She can’t answer basic questions, and he has two answers for every question.” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin met with Donald Trump in New York yesterday. Then Sarah Palin left by helicopter and shot that thing off Trump’s head. Today in New York City, Sarah Palin had a meeting with Donald Trump. Now, experts say if those two joined forces on a Presidential ticket it would be the greatest gift ever given to comedy.” –Craig Ferguson “Sarah Palin had dinner with Donald Trump in New York. The first thing she did when she walked into the restaurant was shoot the rodent off his head.” –Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our first blast for the month of June. Rumor has it we’re not done with the rain here on the central coast. So enjoy another week of the NBA Finals and we’ll catch you at the scorer’s table. Aloha, mahalo and later, Dirk Nowitzki fans.

Good morning and greetings, nature fans. State park officials recently announced that because of budget cuts, seventy state parks across California will close starting in September. Holy Rosa Parks, that’s a 25% slice and dice. We’re talking beaches, redwood forests and parks with historical and cultural significance with rest rooms that haven’t been thoroughly cleaned in years. You would think at a time when vacation money is tight that the parks would be a natural place that would stay open, but this is not the case.

Governor Jerry Brown had to slash the budget and state public services got carved up like a honey-baked ham. Personally, I blame Arnold Swarzenegger for not being able to keep it in his pants.

Fortunately, one California State Park that escaped unscathed was Natural Bridges State Beach. So this is where our journey begins today as we are featuring that sleek, black sea bird that swims like Michael Phelps, the cormorant. Last week I saw a couple of huge flocks flying low to the water, furiously flapping their wings in a v-formation, as they were either on their way to feeding grounds or late for birds-only retreat.

So every weekday morning, after summoning up the courage to get out of bed, I knock back a couple of organic Pop Tarts and drop my kids off at school. I then head over to West Cliff Drive before settling outside the entrance to Natural Bridges, where my wife and I start our four mile, er two miles, er mile and a half stroll along our favorite street in Santa Cruz.

I am always excited in April when the cormorants return to this nesting spot on the edge of the cliff (photo #1) to build their nests, lay their eggs and discuss their hopes and dreams. I’m not sure if this is where they’ll actually mate, but who wouldn’t feel love in the air in a spot where the tides flow in and out, waves crash below you 24 hours a day and you can double date with pelicans.

Last year, a colony of these colonial nesters showed up at the usual time, built their custom homes but then halfway through the party abandoned this prime shelf of real estate. Local birders informed me in hushed tones that word on the street was that there wasn’t enough food and they were starving and forced to move on. It was very disturbing to have them leave so suddenly, but it was nature’s way of telling me something was wrong.

So at this point in late May, the females are sitting on the nests while their mates gather fish n’ chips and talk sports. Actually, both parents take part in building the nest and incubating the eggs, but the males get credit as the general contractor. I shot photo #3 last week so you can see what stage we are at with these sea birds. But just in case we don’t make it to the birth announcement stage, I threw in photos 5 & 6 from a few years back so you could see what these spanking new toddlers look like at birth.

Much like my time at Woodstock, the newly hatched cormorants are blind for their first three days on earth as well as buck naked. For the next five to seven weeks their mothers will sit on them, protecting their newborns from the wind, rain and natural predators like the nature photographer. And like my daughter’s worst nightmare, the babies are fed through regurgitation until they grow big and strong enough to fly off to join larger flocks or enroll in the Peace Corps.

It’s a west side treat to watch this magical event along the edge of the continent, from the flying in of the grasses, seaweed and dry wall for the nests to the lamaze births of the babies, all done out in the open in Pacific Ocean time. If you want to check it out, just park in the upper lot at Natural Bridges and walk outside the entrance and voila, you’re at cormorant nesting central. If things go according to plans, the chicks will hatch and then they’ll hang around through the summer with day trips to the Boardwalk, Monterey Bay Aquarium and Phil’s Fish House. For us locals, it’s like watching Animal Planet on the big screen of life.

On to the late night. “They found so much porn at Bin Laden’s compound that they’re investigating whether the porn was used to send coded messages. So remember guys, from now on when your lady catches you, you’re not looking at porn, you’re analyzing coded messages. ‘Honey, I wasn’t looking at porn. I’m in Al Qaeda.'” –Conan O’Brien “They have found Osama bin Laden’s diary. Some entries: ‘Very unhappy with TV reception. Death to Time-Warner.’ ‘Three wives, one bathroom, you do the math.’ The final entry: ‘Dear Diary, can’t talk now. Someone’s at the door. Hope it’s the Domino’s guy.'” -David Letterman

“President Obama’s approval rating, which got a bump after killing bin Laden, has slipped again. Which is really bad news — not for the president, for Moammar Gadhafi. President Obama suggested that Israel should go back to the pre-1967 borders. Native Americans said, “Why stop there? Let’s go back to the pre-1492 borders.”–Jay Leno

“I’m Conan O’Brien, or as I can now publicly call myself, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jr. Schwarzenegger secretly fathered a child outside of his marriage 10 years ago. He told his wife at the time but it took 10 years for her to figure out what he was saying.”—Conan O’Brien “There have been rumors going around for years now about a half Austrian, half Mexican baby who could bench-press a Ford Expedition.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a lovechild back in 2003. He’s been taking care of the child financially, providing healthcare and education — the same stuff he took from every other child while he was governor of California. “I guess ‘love child’ is a nicer term than ‘OK-Maria’s-asleep child.’ The woman was an employee. I’m not sure what she did, but I think she worked on Arnold’s staff.” -Craig Ferguson “Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff. He kept this secret for more than 10 years. You know how he did it? He moved the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy.” -Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney raised over $10 million in eight hours. That’s a dollar for every position he’s had on healthcare.” -Jay Leno “Ron Paul announced that he will run for president, and he supports the legalization of prostitution and heroin. If he does win, it will be one heck of a victory party.” -Conan O’Brien “Al-Qaida has a new leader. It’s quite a success story. He worked his way up all the way from the mail bomb room.” -David Letterman

So that’s our pre-Memorial Day weekend blast. Birthday wishes go out on Wednesday to my life-partner, soul mate and sports-loving wife Allison, who as you can imagine, has put up with plenty from yours truly over the years. And on Saturday, it’s that special day for my Marin-based sister-in-law Wendi, a faithful reader of this blog who lives life like every day is summer camp. So enjoy the singing cicadas, NBA conference finals and we’ll catch you in overtime. Aloha, mahalo and later, Maria Shriver fans.

Good morning and greetings, Indian winter fans. I don’t want to say the weather has been pleasant recently, but last week I felt a warm breeze brush up against my cheek and thought, is this really Santa Cruz? It felt more like Hawaii or downtown Fiji. But after this luau of tropical thoughts cleared my mind, I knew this feeling of winter warmth was just temporary, like the crown on my upper right back molar.

But who am I to complain, as the temperatures across the country have been colder than the center of the petite filet I ordered last week at the Sizzler. I have been receiving satellite photos from back east of the snowfall and I am astounded at how much white powder has fallen out of the sky this winter. It’s like the Mexican cartels have taken over the Weather Channel.

Let me pass along a few facts about the fluttering flakes. This January is on record as the snowiest in history. The northeast has had six major snowstorms (we’re talking heavy, wet snow) since Hanukah. Cities like New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Boston, Syracuse and Beaver Falls have set new record snowfall totals. Unbelievable! I wish I could be back there to enjoy the blinding snow, black ice and heavy shoveling, but that would require wearing boots, gloves and a jacket, which would be in violation of my eleventh commandment, thou shall always wear shorts and not freeze like a popsicle.

But here it is late January, and the skies have been clearer than my complexion at my senior prom. Last week, the plum trees blossomed at the field where I run my golden retriever, producing thousands of pink flowers that decorated the trees and covered the ground with a layer of color of a pink, creme-filled Hostess Sno Ball. For a Ring Ding Jr. man like myself, this cornucopia of spring colors in the middle of the winter was a visual treat, like any episode featuring the lovely Sofia Vergara on “Modern Family.”

Moving along, much like the Rodney Dangerfield movie classic from 1986, last week I went back to school. I’ve always valued the importance of knowledge and have tried to further my education as much as possible. I want to keep my mind sharp as I battle the middle ages, so I made sure I had my notebook in place and pencils sharpened when I signed in for Traffic School.

Now the reason for this back-to-school moment was, I was traveling a tad above the speed limit on my way to San Francisco in December. Thank God that officer got me on his radar, and when he U-turned around and put on his flashers, a feeling of calm came over me, like angels dusting my face with baby powder. Ever since receiving this ticket to the CHP’s Ball, I have slowed down on the road. It was a valuable lesson that will stick with me for the rest of my life, or at least the next 18 months.

There were so many schools to choose from in the online classroom. There was the Too Lazy For Traffic School, the Not Guilty Traffic School, The Speeders Network and The Comedy School for Less, among others. Being someone who’d like to be in the islands, I chose the Aloha Traffic School. All in all, it was a valuable learning experience about rules and safety on the roadway, as I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun without laughing. I will carry that certificate of completion near to my heart as this is as close as I’m going to get to receiving a master’s degree.

For our photo runway, I was going to blast out a gorgeous winter sunrise, but instead I am upping the ante and bringing out the big guns. This my favorite sunrise from our first month, taken back in January of 2008. Everything came together this night at Natural Bridges as the sky, the clouds, the sand, colors and reflection action were just off the charts. I remembered standing on the beach during the final shots and thinking about how lucky I was to be experiencing this moment of incredible beauty while wondering if I had locked my keys in the car. God gives and I take.

On to the late night. “In the State of the Union address tonight, President Obama focused his speech on how to bring prosperity back to America. It basically involves all of us convincing Oprah we’re her half sister. That’s the plan.” –Conan O’Brien “The Republican response to the President’s State of the Union speech was fairly gracious. They said it was a pretty good speech for a foreigner.” –Jimmy Kimmel “Three Supreme Court justices — Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas — did not attend the State of the Union address. Taking their place was Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, and Randy Jackson.” –Conan O’Brien

“The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. The cellist Yo-Yo Ma was there. It’s the first yoyo we’ve had in the White House since George W. Bush.” –David Letterman “There was one really awkward moment when Hu found out that Obama was a Nobel Peace Prize winner and, out of force of habit, tried to have him arrested.” –Jay Leno “At the state dinner, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, ‘You will lend us another trillion dollars.'” –Conan O’Brien

“John Boehner was subject to some controversy because the President hosted President Hu of China this week, and Boehner was invited to the State Dinner and did not come. President Hu was very disappointed. He promised his friends back home that he would get a picture with ‘orange man who leaks.” –Bill Maher “A Washington Post columnist is proposing a ‘Sarah-Palin-Free February,’ a whole month in which she’s not mentioned. This is stupid. Don’t pick February, the shortest month.” –Jay Leno “Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around.” –Conan O’Brien

“A social networking revolution has started in Saudi Arabia. Over 10 million Saudis are now online. In fact, the most popular social networking site for women in Saudi Arabia: ‘Cover-Your-Facebook.'” –Jay Leno “The U.S. Postal Service announced plans to close an additional 2,000 branches after losing $8.5 billion. Maybe in retrospect, making people wait in line while you slowly finish your bag of fiery hot Cheetos isn’t such a good idea.” Taco Bell pulled its ads during MTV’s new show “Skins” because of its inappropriate content. MTV was like, “Really, Taco Bell? We have inappropriate content? Have you seen what’s inside a chalupa?”–Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our last blast for January. Birthday wishes go out this Saturday to my friend, confidant and translator for these blogs, Nancy Mager. Nancy is from back in the old country and although she would be too modest to mention it, developed the first recipe for baked ziti. She herself, is quite the Italian dish. When you have a Yankee fan like this in your life, you are very fortunate indeed.

So enjoy the national food and beverage holiday we call Super Bowl Sunday we’ll catch you at the championship trophy presentation. And remember to try and appreciate every day for what it is. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kevin Durant fans.