Good morning and greetings, thunderstorm fans. As I mentioned before here on the Weather Channel, I’m always amazed by the diverse meteorological events that occur throughout our great nation. This does not include weather conditions in Hawaii, which are always sunny with no chance of it not being paradise.

So last week, aided by a high pressure system that dropped in for the best first round ever of the NBA playoffs, we experienced near record high temperatures here on the central coast, as Wednesday the thermometer hit a sizzling 93 degrees.

Pinch me, am I dreaming? Temperature in the mid 90’s? What’s next, ocean temps in the 70’s?

And just in case you’re thinking about taking a dip into Monterey Bay today without a wetsuit, the thermometer will read a chilly 54 degrees, which to me, is still dangerous shrinkage territory.

We rarely see this kind of heat in Santa Cruz, except when it comes to the homeless problem, as the average high for the month of April is 67.5 degrees. That’s what you get when you order a Mediterranean climate.

So last Wednesday was the hottest day of the year, a good, old-fashioned scorcher. How hot was it? I saw a sign on a store downtown, “No Shirt, No Pants, No Problem.”

Now contrast these warm, breezy conditions with a slow moving storm system that produced a four day barrage of violent, wet weather that wreaked havoc, with record breaking rainfall and 159 tornadoes over fifteen states. Hardest hit by the twisters were Arkansas and Mississippi, as tornadoes destroyed neighborhoods while snapping trees in half and sending trailer trucks airborne like toys.

The White House declared Arkansas a major disaster, and that had nothing to do with the Bill Clinton’s past relationships with Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones. The death toll kept rising, as winds up to 200 mph tore through helpless communities. Families were destroyed and their homes completely leveled, leaving them dazed and confused as to what just happened.

And all in just a matter of seconds.

Now I usually like to keep my subjects light and fluffy like a cheese souffle, but it’s tough to talk about tornadoes in those terms. Nature has a vast arsenal of weapons, but even with early warning systems, folks are no match for these twisters, the most violent of all earth’s storms.

Each year, about a thousand tornadoes touch down in the United States, and with them come winds that are the fastest on Earth. A tornado in Oklahoma once destroyed a whole motel. People later found the motel’s sign in Arkansas. Or as comedian Jay London once pondered, “At Motel 6 in Amish Country, I wonder if they leave the light on for you?”

Their favorite place to play and spawn is Tornado Alley, which stretches from western Texas to North Dakota. This is where the dry polar air from Canada meets the warm moist tropical air from the Gulf of Mexico, forming thunderstorms and setting the stage for disastrous results, like any new drama series on Fox TV.

These cyclones start out very lightly colored or transparent, but the more debris they pick up, the darker they become. Sometimes you can see these violent twisters coming, but like friends and relatives, many show up with little or no warning. Or in the words of comedian Jeff Foxworthy, “You might be a redneck if you’ve been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado.”

Getting back to the weather map, this same storm system produced a month’s worth of rain that fell in a 24 hour period last week. This led to dangerous flash flooding from Florida to New York, with city streets swamped and roads collapsing. These torrential downpours led to historic rain totals and umbrella sales going through the roof.

So what can you say about Mother Nature? She acts like summer but walks like the rain.

So for today’s photo lineup, we are heading straight to my front yard, where as you can see, everything has been coming up roses. The action has been non-stop all spring, as the variety of colors have been nothing short of semi-spectacular. And when you add the bonus of a fragrance into the mix, life is just a little bit better.

So if you have a moment, take some time to smell the roses.

Since while we’re on the subject, a blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette’s boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, “Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I’ll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”

The blonde says, “Don’t you have a vase?”

On to some late night humor. “In the middle of his second term, President Obama’s approval rating once again has dropped. Obama’s approval rating is so low that today Hillary Clinton said, ‘I’ll take it from here.'” –David Letterman “President Obama is calling Donald Sterling’s racist remarks ‘incredibly offensive.’ And you know it’s bad when even Vladimir Putin says, ‘I hate to say it, but I am with Obama on this one.'” –Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Sterling’s girlfriend said she’s “going to be president of the United States” one day. Yeah, like we’re going to elect someone who secretly records people’s private phone calls and conversations. L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recorded on tape making racist comments. He now has been banned from the league for life. Great, just where Sterling wanted to end up — the blacklist.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Right now every NBA fan here in Los Angeles knows there’s a dark, ugly cloud of shame hanging over the Staples Center. But enough about the Lakers. There’s also the Sterling thing.” –Craig Ferguson “The Royal Court of Saudi Arabia has launched a website that will accept complaints against the government and send them directly to the king. You can even submit a second complaint if you want — using your remaining hand.” – Seth Meyers

So we’re on to the second round of the NBA playoffs. We’ll catch you taking your team to the brink but just falling short in the first round of the playoffs. Aloha, mahalo and later, Mark Jackson fans.

Good morning and greetings, extreme weather fans. It was a bit breezy on the westside of town last week, as the trade winds were gusting along the coast. The winds brought with them chains of pelicans, who flew by in glorious formations, with many stopping at the remaining arch at Natural Bridges to shower, shave and recharge their cell phones, which they keep in their bills. That’s right, cell phone bills. Can you hear me now?

So you may be wondering, how windy was it? It was so windy that on my wife’s birthday on Saturday, she didn’t have to blow out the candles. Unfortunately, her wish did not come true, as when the candles were extinguished, the basketball season still wasn’t over.

My wife and I follow the advice of that wise sage Phyllis Diller “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” Our marriage is still a work in progress, although she is constantly saying that I never listen to her. At least that’s what I think she said.

So getting back to my wife’s hoop dreams, if you’re an NBA fan, last week was a good one for you, as there were back-to-back overtime thrillers at the start of the conference finals. I realize that professional basketball on TV is not watched by every American with a pulse, with the main reason being the lack of constant violence, as players don’t smash into one another play after play until only the non-conscussioners are left standing. Basketball is a much more graceful sport, played by seven foot ballerinas with wing spans the size of pterodactyls and contracts even bigger.

But as basketball nuts were rejoicing, it was not a good week for the folks in Moore, Oklahoma, as a killer tornado packing 200 mile an hour winds tore through the city, leveling everything in its path. The photos of the destruction were terrifyingly amazing. I remember being instructed as a young child to wait 30 minutes after eating before going swimming and never turn your back on a tornado. And the world’s most dangerous food is wedding cake.

It was a scene of total devastation, as buildings, homes and schools were leveled by a storm that lasted less than an hour but will affect lives forever. It seems, like my subconcious wanderings, that the weather continues to get wilder and wilder, and if this is not global warming, than God is really pissed off about something. And he wanted me to remind you, his last name isn’t “Dammit.”

Perhaps he’s peeved because people litter. I originally supported the death penalty for litterers, but I’ve mellowed over the years and life without the possibility of an egg roll would suffice. I’m still amazed that as I stroll around in 2013, some morons still treat the earth like their personal ash tray. Listen, if you want to suck in that tar and nicotine into your lungs, be my guest. But I would really appreciate if you would not exhale, thereby not polluting my air space and that way getting double the carcinogens to build a straw mind and an unhealthy body. That may sound cruel, but I’m not living in Marlboro country.

And don’t get me started on the slaughter of African elephants by poachers fulfilling the Chinese insatiable need for ivory. I’m not of big fan of extinction, but that’s where these giant creatures of the forest are headed. And Asian gangs are to blame, as I may have to call for an international ban of all chow fun products. What do you get if a herd of elephants tramples Batman and Robin? Flatman and Ribbon.

Continuing on the litter front, the other day I was driving by a fast food establishment, which will remain nameless, (Burger King) and I saw a woman toss her lunch out of her window and onto the ground of the parking lot. My immediate reaction was wanted to strangle her and then go in and order the new Memphis pulled pork sandwich with an Oreo shake. This woman needed a severe scolding or a lobotomy, although I doubt either would have helped. So I opted for the strawberry banana smoothie and some blood pressure medication.

I’m always wondering, where are these people’s consciences, where are their souls? Now, this isn’t the world’s worst offense, like murder or pirating a cable signal, but it leads me to believe that these people, like the batteries in my transistor radio, are dead inside. Which brings to mind the words of Marilyn Monroe, firing back at her critics when she said, “It’s not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.” Works for me.

So where is this all leading? Well, while our military is racked by gross sexual misconduct, troops still dying in Afghanistan and the IRS being called in for a major audit, spring flowers, gently prodded by April showers, continue to bloom.

We had a little rainfall on the morning of May 12, so I put on my Doobie Brothers raincoat, grabbed my camera and headed out into the pleasant storm. I didn’t have to travel much further than my front yard, as this year, the roses are blooming faster than I can make bouquets. I’d like to think that it’s my organic gardening technique, but that would be giving myself more credit than when I graded myself in college at Syracuse.

I cut back these beauties in the winter, and as a way of saying thanks, they came back with a vengeance I haven’t seen since Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas hit the big screen in ‘War of the Roses.” Let me end with a flowery quote from former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. ““I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.” Thank you and good night.

On to some late night humor. “During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener. A new international poll finds the least popular country in the world is Iran. After hearing this, North Korea said, “What do we have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

“Anthony Weiner has formally announced he is running for mayor of New York City. “Weiner said, ‘Nobody will work harder to make it better.’ As opposed to his first campaign promise, which was ‘Nobody will work better to make it harder.'” –Jay Leno “Everything’s going bad for President Obama with Benghazi and other controversies. But Obama’s trying to turn things around. He’s sending in SEAL Team 6 to bring back Justin Bieber’s monkey.” –David Letterman Meanwhile, in Saudi Arabia the head of the religious police said he believes that Saudi citizens who use Twitter will go to hell. Let me get this straight. Tweeting leads to damnation. But filling a palace with kidnapped beauty contestants — that’s OK?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Really, Tea Party? Really? You’re surprised that you’re targeted by the IRS? You named yourself after a group of people who proudly and historically violated tax laws! Look, if I had a vanity license plate that said ‘Weed 420,’ I might expect to get pulled over now and then. “Prince Harry this week toured the Jersey Shore with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It was the first meeting between the Prince, of the House of Windsor, and the Governor, of the House of Pancake.'” –Amy Poehler

“If you think Benghazi is worse than slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment, Tuskegee, purposefully injecting Guatemalan mental patients with syphilis, lying about WMDs, and the fact that banks today are still foreclosing on mortgages they don’t own, then your hard-on for Obama has lasted more than four hours, and you need to call a doctor. “The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, ‘I feel like I’m on Oxycontin again.'” –Bill Maher

So that’s our last blast for May. Birthday wishes go out on Tuesday to my sister-in-law Wendi Gilbert, who lives by the simple philosophy that any day involving chocolate is a good day.

We’ll catch you showing the Miami Heat and a national TV audience why you look like an-up-and coming NBA superstar. Aloha, mahalo and later, Paul George fans.

Good morning and greetings, cap, gown and tassle fans. Well, it’s June and diplomas are in the air. I’ve never looked forward to this ceremonial experience as it meant the end of the high school days for my favorite son. He is matriculating on to UC Santa Barbara, and if I weren’t unpaid for this blog, I would give up four years salary to join him in South Beach.

His graduation from Pacific Collegiate School was last Friday, which brought to an end twelve years of his education at the site of the former Natural Bridges elementary school. Yes, time has flown by and in the words of author Harvey McKay, “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.”

So what is it about time? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Does anything fly by faster with the exception of LeBron James or Russell Westbrook in the open court? I believe it was either Jerry Garcia or Spanish philosopher Blatasar Gracian that said, “All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else has that.”

The most important thing we don’t know in life is how much time we have. Or if the home team is going to cover the spread. But it seems no matter how much time you have, it still flies by faster than a 747. The only place where it would seem that time isn’t in a hurry is in prison, or as businessman Malcom Forbes once said, “There is never enough time, unless you’re serving it.”

Writer Robert Orben said, “Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.” I remember Jason as a small child growing up in southern California. He loved playing with any kind of ball, and spent his preschool years hitting jumpers and whacking line drives down on the strand in Hermosa Beach.

The South Bay is the birthplace of beach volleyball, and it definitely rubbed off on him, as last week he was once again named a first team, all-SCCAL selection as an outside hitter. For a hitter, it’s all about the spectacular kills. To paraphrase author Tom Robbins, “There are many things worth living for, a few things worth dying for, and the only thing worth killing happens on the volleyball court.”

So this is a child that I started thinking about missing back when he was just eleven years old. Just the thought of him one day leaving was not my favorite thought of the day. So I tried to savor my time with him and not to sob uncontrollably in his presence. As either Frank Sinatra or author Kay Lyons once said, “Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have – so spend it wisely.”

So Jason’s high school years have gone by in a blur. Fortunately, it included a host of basketball games and volleyball matches, where as a parent, I truly got to enjoy the talents of my child. I don’t get to see him acing math, science or English tests, but I’ve haven’t missed many no-look passes or jump float ace serves. I won’t say I lived semi-vicariously through him-it was totally vicarious all the way on the athletic front.

Not too many things are greater than watching your child excel at sports or the stock market. This decade as his parent and sometimes coach has been beyond priceless. Or as Jimi Hendrix or poet Carl Sandburg once told me, “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”

Either sportscaster Jim Rome or author Jim Rohn once said, ““Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” My favorite inventor, Ben Franklin once remarked that “Lost time is never found again.” French composer Louis Hector Berlioz said that “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” Stay thirsty, my friends.

But my favorite sayings about time comes from author H. Jackson Brown, Jr. “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein and Mel Brooks.” Or in the words of Lili Von Schtupp from Blazing Saddles, “Hello, handsome, is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?

So I”ve got a few more months of at-home fun with my son, who penned his college essay about the first time he beat me playing one-on-one. Then he’ll be heading down to his oceanfront dorm with the two full court basketball courts and sand volleyball court. I’m going to miss him but to see how excited he is about the next chapter in his life makes it more than okay. After all, he’s just down the coast, not at the University of Kiev. And while he’s doing neuroscience research, I’ll be researching the new fall shows on the networks. Busy, busy, busy.

Now the fun really starts, as I get to focus all my attention on my soon-to-be sweet fifteen-year-old daughter. We are going to be doing some major father-daughter bonding, which I know for her, will be a dream come true. Let the games begin.

So in honor of my National Honor Society son heading to the Honors Program at Santa Barbara, I thought some roses would be appropriate. It’s too bad these pictures aren’t scratch and sniff, as they smell lovelier than success. But remember what author Henry David Thoreau said about these beauties. “Truths and roses have thorns about them.” That’s why I always like to thistle while I work.

On to the late night. “This Facebook fiasco is one of the biggest clusterf**ks ever on Wall Street. Regular people got screwed and the banks and the insiders did okay. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, ‘The American Dream.’ Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney. As George Bush once said, ‘Our kids is not learning.'” –Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney has begun vetting his vice presidential candidates. This is a tough thing because they want to appeal to the Republican base. They want a strong conservative there, but someone who will not upstage Mitt Romney. So the search is on for a strong conservative in a coma. “Mitt Romney is trying to get the Latino vote … He maintains he’s always had a great relationship with the Latinos in his life, as long as they don’t wake him up with the leaf blower.” –Bill Maher

“Former President Bill Clinton posed for pictures with his arms around two women, both of whom turned out to be famous porn stars. See, this is why we miss Clinton. He was like a president and a Secret Service agent all rolled into one. A Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA hunt for Osama bin Laden has been convicted of high treason in Pakistan. He was sentenced to 33 years in prison for helping us. Think how much worse the sentence would have been if Pakistan wasn’t our ally.” –Jay Leno

“First lady Michelle Obama said that if she could trade places with anyone in the world, it would be Beyoncé. Of course it got awkward when Barack was like, ‘I’m ame!'”–Jimmy Fallon “Next week Mitt Romney will campaign in Las Vegas with Donald Trump and Newt Gingrich. Did somebody say ‘The Hangover, Part III?'” –Jimmy Fallon

So that’s our first blast for June 2012. Enjoy the conference finals and we’ll catch you putting up one of the most amazing performances in NBA playoff history. Aloha, mahalo and later, Rajon Rondo fans.

Good morning and greetings, Labor Day fans. This holiday symbolizes the end of summer for many across our great nation. For locals, it means the beginning of Indian summer, as September is the warmest month of the year emotionally and temperature wise here on the central coast. I don’t want to say that it’s been chilly the past few months, but a few times on my early morning walks it was so cold I put a toaster in my shorts.

So since we have a few more weeks of summer lovin’, I wanted to continue with the wonderful world of color. Those dahlia shots got rave reviews from the foreign press a couple weeks back, so I’d thought continue with the floral roll, which comes with side order of cole slaw, potato or macaroni salad.

Today we are thinking shades of pink, and I’m not talking Alecia Beth Moore, the singer-songwriter, musician and acrobat known as the Pink one. The first three shots are from dahlia central on Delaware Avenue, where rows these bushy, tubereous beauties live to frolic and play.

The fourth image is a homegrown product that is now appearing with Delaney & Bonnie and Friends in my front yard, along with the dew-covered pink rose that follows. The final shot of the white tuxedo is from just down the street and just goes to show what Mother Nature is capable of if she really puts her mind to it. You know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the hydroponic fence.

So in honor of this threee day weekend that we Americans treasure so, for today’s post I thought we might go with something light and fluffy, like a cheese souffle, angel food cake or FEMA’s response to the citizens of New Orleans during the Hurricane Katrina crisis. By the way, it’s called angel cake because of it’s lightness that is said to be “the food of angels.” Well, that and angel hair pasta, which is the thinnest of all capellini, which is not to be confused with former Boston Patriot star Gino Cappelletti.

Today we’re going to look at the world of fun facts. You may have heard of some of these before and if that’s the case, Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Cause my master degrees gone away.

Most lipstick is partially made of fish scales, yet you never see a trout or salmon wearing lipstick. Ants never sleep, but I have a couple of uncles who tend to nap. The human brain is 80% water and 20% juice. The first coast-to-coast telephone line was established in 1914. The first wrong number was dialed a few minutes later. And a car traveling 100 mph would take more than 29 million years to reach the nearest star, or 30 million years if it stopped for gas and directions.

Mosquitoes have 47 teeth yet never floss. No word in the the English dictionary rhymes with “month” except for fonth and gonth. A sneeze and statements you wish you could take back travel out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h. Other than fruit and Hostess Twinkies, honey is the only natural food that is made without destroying any kind of life. Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult, as is holding the chef hostage.

Only three states’ names begin with double consonants, Florida, Rhode Island and Hhawaii. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia and football players from USC combined. In Mel Brooks’ ‘Silent Movie,’ mime Marcel Marceau is the only person who has a speaking role. Remember, a mime is a terrible thing to waste. The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It To Beaver”. However, the first flush was seen on NBC’s “Las Vegas.”

The female lion does ninety percent of the hunting. The male lion does ninety percent of the housework and shopping. Elephants and white men are the only animals that can’t jump. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave, balls always turn right. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Cancer came before both.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. However, it would take 9 years, 5 months and 4 days of sucking down lozenges to soothe your throat so you could drink the coffee. Every minute in the U.S. six people turn 17. A minute later twelve people forget someone’s birthday. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes, which is very helpful when flirting with killer whales. Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey near where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year, mostly from not having their seatbelts fastened. It’s impossible to sneeze, sleep or watch Fox News with your eyes open. Some baby giraffes are more than six feet tall at birth, but very few go on to play in the NBA. Wedding cake was originally thrown at the bride and groom, instead of eaten by them. Thus, the first word said by a married couple to each other often was “duck.” Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose, ears and ego never stop growing.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. My daughter is not the average person. Only 7 to 10 percent of the population are lefties. Aimee is a lefty but still won’t fall asleep in seven minutes. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is. Aimee is blonde but it still doesn’t help her fall asleep.

They say you cannot snore and dream at the same time. I know that you can snore and be kicked. By the time we die, most of us will have spent a quarter of a century asleep, of which six years or more will have been spent dreaming—and almost all of those dreams are forgotten upon waking, except the ones where I’m naked, haven’t studied for my test, can’t find my car keys, can’t see where I’m going or can’t find my way home. Oh, wait a minute, that’s Stevie Winwood’s dream.

No president of the United States was an only child, but George Bush had the mind of a child. George Washington, known as the “Father of the Country,” never had any children. During the 6 years that the TSA has been screening passengers, none of its employees anywhere has discovered a single terrorist inside a container of bottled water.

The world’s youngest parents in history were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. To this day they still deny rushing into marriage. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. The first couple shown showering together were Barney and Betty Rubble.

America’s first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men. After ten minutes in the sauna, they opened up the membership to women. The kiss that is given by the bride to the groom at the end of the wedding ceremony originates from the earliest times when the couple would actually make love for the first time under the eyes of half the village! Now that’s what I call a hot hors d’oeuvre.

Here’s a little taste of the late night. “Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operational Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven’t we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard! President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up. President Obama said that too many Americans are struggling to find jobs. You know what these Americans are going to be called? Democrats.” –Jay Leno

So that’s the first blast of the new month. Congrats go out to my brother Paul, who blasted down from Marin on Saturday and did a guest DJ spot on the grateful 88, KZSC, playing classic rock and live music the just the way our parents hated it.

His wardrobe and musical selection were tremendous, just like our repartee was the back in the 70’s when we did Sports Rap on Sunday nights on the same radio dial. I don’t want to say I spoke quickly back then, but Paul sometimes brought along an interpreter just to be sure he understood what I was going off about. Anyway, a superb four hours of radio, once again proving that you can go home again, unless you’re picked off third.

So keep on rocking and rolling and enjoy your children’s laughter and the rest of the holiday weekend. We’ll catch you on the way to the 20-win mark. Aloha, mahalo and later, CC Sabathia fans.

Good morning and welcome to the final week of summer 2008. Last week I once again gently awoke to the sound of rain. This time however, after hearing the droplets falling from the sky, I wondered not about the spider webs but instead what the moisture would look like on the flowers in my yard. As you can see from today’s photo lineup, when one adds water to the floral mix it gives the subject and predicate a rather classic wet look.

You veterans readers of this blog know that I like to report on late breaking stories of the day. Important issues like global warming, the senseless war in Iraq and the absurdity of John McCain calling Barack Obama an “elitist” when he himself owns 9 homes in 3 times zones and travels by private jet. Well, here’s an international news story that I believe search warrants my attention.

Strict new laws went into affect across Switzerland on September 1 that have some bankers, watchmakers and chocolate salesmen wondering if legislators have overreacted in efforts to safeguard the animal kingdom. The new legislation spells out in exhaustive detail how all animals are to be treated, whether they be pets, farm animals, domestic partners or destined for scientific experiments. Wild animals are also covered by the law if they reside in zoos, circuses or are related to Siegfried or Roy.

Remember the old royal flush? Well, now our little gold friends are now afforded a much more dignified death as it is now illegal to flush live goldfish, brook trout or poached salmon down the toilet. The law stipulates that they must first be knocked out, breaded, lightly sauteed and killed before being disposed of. Fishermen may no longer use live bait, practice catch-and-release fishing or enjoy their catch without tartar sauce.

On the domestic front, common household pets such as hamsters, parrots and piranhas can no longer be kept by themselves. The same applies for more exotic breeds such as lamas, alpacas and yaks (who are always talking.) Even sheep, goats and wolverines must have at least “a visual contact with their fellows,” according to the new law, if text messaging is not available.

Man’s “best friend,” comes in for special treatment as dog owners will be obliged by law to take special classes on how to raise Fido properly so he is less likely bite, scratch or hump your leg like it’s Tuesday. And Swiss dog-owners wishing to “customize” their pets as a fashion accessory will not be allowed to crop their tails or ears, force them to have surgery to get droopy ears or make them watch any of Eddie Murphy’s “Dr. Doolittle” movies.

But one cannot help but wonder (or in the words of Robert Plant, “And it makes me wonder”) if the animals would really welcome all the provisions Swiss lawmakers have generously bestowed upon them. Pigs, for example, are often said to be happiest when rolling around in the mud — but now they have the legal right to a shower to freshen up. They also want pigs to have the rights to attend day spas and receive facials and massages just like any other European politician. The country’s leading animal rights group, STS, say the new laws doesn’t go far enough and want animals to have free speech, the right to vote and most importantly, bear arms.

That’s the news from the European desk. On the weather front Hurricane Ike has wreaked havoc on the Galveston and Houston area of Texas and done a complete number on the island of Haiti. People are really suffering. So enjoy the flowers, be glad you have power and are not walking around in mud and we’ll catch you on the far sideline. Aloha, New York Giants fans.