Good morning and greetings, April shower fans. After a winter that was drier than Steven Wright’s sense of humor, (“I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time.’ So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance,”) a thunderstorm blew into the Bay Area Thursday night that was one for the record books, as it shattered rainfall records and CD’s for the day in San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose and New Jack City.

The evening’s festivities produced more lightning balls and strikes than any storm in recent years, as the National Weather Service counted 750 lightning strikes up and down the coast between 8 p.m. and midnight. It was reminiscent of Lou Christie’s 1966 smash hit, “Lightning is striking again and again and again and again.” I loved those lyrics, although the first time I heard them I thought the record was skipping.

We had some rain showers earlier in the week that brought billowing clouds and beautful light to the morning sky. It was particularly pleasant on Wednesday morning, as I was walking along West Cliff Drive thinking, “Boy, I wish I had brought my camera with me.” That’s right, even though it’s 2012, I still roll camera-free.

It was a low tide morning, and much like my silver hair, there was a lovely glitter and shine to the Pacific waters reflecting off the massive thunderclouds above. So to make up for this faux pas of not capturing the morning’s magnificence, I decided to head up to Four Mile beach, as I knew if the tide were out, there’d be mucho photo opportunities up on the North Coast.

Unfortunately, when I arrived at 9:30, all the major clouds had disappeared from the sky, so those reflection shots I was looking for were as over as Rick Santorum’s presidential bid. I guess when you compare homosexualtiy to beastiality and state that “Contraception is not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be,” you’re going to have a little trouble getting the mainstream behind you, for as we know, life is not a Tea Party. Or in the words of Steven Wright, “For my birthday I got a humidifier and de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”

I’ve always been extremely fond of the Four Mile of beaches. It’s less than a five minute drive from my westside abode, and I’m never disappointed when I hit the path to the beach and see the gulls lined up like like bowling pins with wings. Or as Steve Wright put it, “I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.”

As I hit the sand, I immediately came upon a very rare sight, as a great blue heron was swimming upstream in the creek that leads into Billy Ocean. Much to my dismay and June, I was not able to photograph this beautiful bird, as it took off and flew away faster than my hopes and dreams of someday returning to runway modeling. Or as Steven Wright might have said, “What’s another word for Thesaurus?”

So I headed out toward the area of beach that was normally covered by the blue Pacific. The sand was strewn with brown and green sea grass and the rocks covered with barnacles along with sea stars, sea anenomes and friends. There were also a number of surreal looking jellyfish (photo #6) lounging in the sand. Throw in some linguini, clams, and a snowy egret and I was a fairly happy camper.

There were a few surfers in the water, but the rest of the beach was deserted, except for the gulls, who were considerate enough to put on a small aerial display. I will continue to journey up to the North Coast throughout the spring, as there are so many beaches to be photographed and I’m lonely. Or from Steven Wright’s perspective, “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

On another weather note, last Wednesday, a freak afternoon thunderstorm in Amarillo, Texas dumped one to two inches of matzo-ball-sized hail in a two-hour period that buried cars and trapped motorists and Cowboy cheerleaders in muddy drifts that were waist-to-shoulder high. It was quite an unusual event, even for the Lone Star State. It reminded me of the old George Carlin line, “There was a freak accident on the San Diego Freeway today as six freaks in a van hit two freaks in a Volkswagen.”

On to some late night humor. “Today was the annual White House Easter Egg Roll – or, as the Republicans call it, ‘President Obama’s Socialist Egg Redistribution Program.’” –Jay Leno “Over the weekend, Mitt Romney was actually spotted body-boarding in California. Romney would’ve gone surfing, but you know, he hates standing for something. Mitt Romney has spent $53 million on ads, and Rick Santorum has spent $9 million. Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich drew a poster with his name on it and showed up in the background of the ‘Today’ show.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The earth’s population is now well past 7 billion people. And still, the Republicans can’t find one candidate they really like. “Rick Santorum’s campaign is now formally calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the race. But you know Newt. He has vowed to stay in. And believe me, when Newt Gingrich takes a vow, he keeps it — unless, of course, you know, marriage.” –Jay Leno “Today in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum officially dropped out of the Republican race. Gettysburg was a great choice because he should’ve dropped out four score and seven years ago.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says he wants airport security workers to be nicer to foreigners. Could we be any nicer? They cross our borders whenever they want, they get jobs, they get bargain college tuition, we give them driver’s licenses, we never ask them to leave. How much nicer can we be?” –Jay Leno “Florida congressman Allen West made an interesting statement yesterday. He believes there are about 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party who are members of the Communist Party. Really? I think it’s time for someone to lay off the Tom Clancy novels.” –Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our mid-April report. We had some more severe weather over the weekend, as violent storm cells spawned killer tornadoes that blew threw the midwest, bringing torrential rain and ping pong-ball-sized hail. Meanwhile, the extreme five-year drought continues to haunt farmers in Georgia. The weather in this country is wackier than the North Korean rocket program.

We’ll catch you playing tremendous defense and being the steal of the draft. Aloha, mahalo and later, Iman Shumpert fans.

Good morning, late fall weather fans. On Tuesday the Santa Cruz Sentinel featured a three shot photo spread under the caption “Chasing Rainbows.” Unfortunately, I have been on a different journey that could be called “Missing Rainbows,” or simply put, “What Is Happening With My Photo Karma?” Actually, that’s not altogether true as on Saturday I saw three and photographed one but the gold medal shot eluded me as I was in my car and want to shoot these multicolored moments of brilliance over the ocean, not along Soquel Drive.

As I was shooting the sunrise on Sunday morning a rainbow appeared to the north but it wasn’t bright enough to alert the National Guard or forwards. Then on Monday, the calls starting coming in faster than Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich put out bids for Barack Obama’s Senate seat. Reports and sightings of double rainbows were everywhere, but by the time I hit the streets they were gone or in the federal weather protection program. A West Cliff DRive walking friend said she saw a rainbow that was reaching into a beautiful white cloud before touching the moon. I thought to myself, “Cloud, moon, rainbow, nah, I didn’t miss much. I’ll just catch that in another century.”

Which brings us to today’s photo series. After missing a sunset last Thursday night that was a cross between spectacular and Michelle Obama, I decided to head down to Its Beach on Friday to take in the extreme low tide experience. Although the skies were Linda gray, the low tide exposed my favorite little cove inside the arch and my daughter and I were able to photograph some friends and anenomes.

Photo credits of the crab go to my daughter Aimee who has her father’s eye and her mother’s internal organs. The final photo of the birthday greeting was created by the renowned sand artist Paul House. You can see his work quite often on low tide days at Its Beach. He creates his sand magic with his hands and a stick-it’s amazing work and was quite the treat on anniversary of the day I stopped playing Michael Phelps in the amniotic fluid and entered the world of New York Yankee baseball.

Here are some fun facts I’ve written before about sea anenomes but I thought were worth repeating. Yes, I’m actually quoting myself. Sea anemones are polyps that looks like a plant but, much like friends from Greenpeace, are really voracious meat eating animals. In order for them to dine they cannot order out-they must wait for their food to swim by and when the prey touches one of their tentacles, it mechanically triggers a cell explosion that fires a harpoon-like structure which attaches to the organism that triggered it and injects a dose of poison in the flesh of the prey. Ironically, this is the same way I met my wife. This gives the anemone its characteristic sticky feeling while at the same time paralyzes the prey which is then moved by the tentacles to the mouth for that day’s entree. And of course, all entrees come with your choice of soup or salad, rice or potatoes and ice cream for dessert.

That brings us to our the comedy review, this segment courtesy of the NBC’s new 10 o’clock man, Jay Leno. “Insiders say that President Bush and his wife have already bought a home in Dallas to move into after the leave the White House. If this turns out to be true, this is the first time in his Presidency he’s actually had an exit strategy. Barack Obama says he is promising not to smoke cigarettes while in the White House. I don’t know, is that a big issue for the American people? Let me tell you something, if he can fix the American economy, he can smoke a bong in the White House.” And finally, “A 70 year old woman in India gave birth to a baby. The amazing part is she went into labor, delivered the baby and never missed one tech support call.”

That’s our midweek show. I shot a sunrise, sunset experience over the weekend along with some snow on the mountains and lots of wild-looking clouds on Tuesday. We’ll be seeing those down the road. And belated birthday greetings go out to my basketball playing buddy Jim Berry, who I believe taught Kareem Abdul Jabbar the fine art of the sky hook. So enjoy the anenomes and be thankful for the simple things in life, like TiVo and the NBA League Pass, which brings me every NBA game on the satellite. NBA action, it really still is fantastic. Aloha and later, Rajon Rondo fans.