Good morning and greetings, springtime freshness fans. As we all know, last Wednesday was the first day of spring, also known as the vernal equinox or thank God it’s not winter anymore. It’s a day when the equator, the center of the sun and my car’s brakes are fully aligned, which includes a free rotation of my seasonal conciousness.

For the next three months and throughout the NBA playoffs, the sun will gently warm my heart and the northern hemisphere, which will bring smiles to those living in the Mountain West and Great Lakes region and New England states, where recently it has been colder than a reception for Mel Gibson at a B’nai B’rith luncheon.

On the first day of spring, temperatures were up to 25 degrees below my usual scoring average, with more snow than you could find at a Pablo Escobar stash house. The calendar may have read late March, but the ground was snow covered and frozen, which reminds me of the Woody Allen line, “Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.”

So how cold was it? It was so cold down at a city morgue, you couldn’t tell the stiffs from the guys who worked there. A guy fell out of bed and his pajamas broke. Republicans were actually hugging Democrats while waiting for the bus. A chicken was seen walking down the street with a cape on. Sherwin Williams needed a third coat. And it was so cold that a guy saw one dog trying to jump start another. At least that’s what he thought he was doing.

The arrival of spring also means thousand of college students heading south across the border to sunny and cartel free Mexico, to celebrate and inebriate the annual ritual of spring break. We’re talking places like Cancun, Puerto Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas. Myself, I was always more interested in fast breaking than spring breaking, as because of my Quaker upbringing I don’t drink alcohol or jump off balconies from my hotel room.

I know the draw of surf, sand, suds and sun is a powerful one, but boozing it up was never my thing, as it interfered with my study of the Torah. I’m just kidding, I was always much more of a Kaballah man. But those decapitating cartel boys, who have total disregard for bystanders, umpires and referees would deter me from heading south to where the party never stops. But being a tanned hard body, I can still relate to the words of Robin Williams, who says “Spring is nature’s way of saying, let’s party.”

So on that note, we’re heading down to Mexico. In a story written by Mark Stevenson for the Associated Press, scientists reported last week that the number of Monarch butterflies making it to their winter refuge in Mexico dropped a shocking 59 percent this year, falling to the lowest level since comparable record-keeping began 20 years ago. It was the third straight year of their decline of the migration from the United States and Canada to spend the winter living in mountaintop fir forests in central Mexico. Six of the last seven years have shown drops, and there are now only one-fifteenth as many butterflies as there were in 1997. This is not good news as I have spent half my life chasing the bright, elusive, butterfly of love.

So what are the reasons? The World Wildlife Fund, one of the groups that sponsored the butterfly census, blamed climate conditions, jealousy of moths and agricultural practices, especially the use of pesticides that kill off milkweed, the Monarchs’ main source of food. The butterflies breed and party in the U.S. in the summer, and then migrate to Mexico in the winter. Mexico says they have down their part to protect the butterfly reserves by eliminating large-scale illegal logging and promoting the movies of actress Salma Hayak, who once said, “I keep waiting to meet the man who has more bats, er balls than I do.”

The loss of milkweed in the U.S. makes it hard for the butterflies to lay eggs, and for their young that do hatch to find enough food to grow to maturity. In addition, unusually hot or dry weather can kill eggs, meaning fewer adult butterflies. South of the border, unusual cold weather, lack of water, tree cover and mariachi bands means that Monarchs are less likely to survive the winter and reach adulthood. And thus they will never see Eva Longoria’s new reality TV show, “Devious Maids,” based a Mexican series that that follows four maids who work in Beverly Hills but dream of their own success. And all this time I just thought she was a desperate housewife. Or as the former Mrs. Tony Parker once put it, “I find it a turnoff whenever men aren’t into some kind of sport.” And that, my friends, is why I watch NBA TV.

Lincoln Brower, an entomologist at Sweet Briar College in Virginia, says, “To blame the low numbers of monarchs solely on what is happening north of Mexico is misleading. Herbiciding of soybean and corn fields that kills milkweed is a serious problem, but the historical decline over the past 19 years has multiple causes. All three countries need to face up to the fact that it is our collective activities that are killing the migratory phenomenon of the Monarch butterfly.” So some fingers, including the middle, are being pointed. And I believe it was either actress Jessica Alba or Mexican writer Oscar Funetes who said, “What the United States does best it understand itself. What it does worst is understand others.”

The head of Mexico’s nature reserves, Luis Fueyo, said there are still some problems to be solved at the wintering grounds in Mexico, including some scale-logging and water availability. The Monarchs don’t drink any water throughout their long migration until they reach Mexico, and the mountain streams in the area have been affected by drought, human use and pinata parties. No butterfly lives to make the round-trip. The millions of Monarchs cluster so densely on tree boughs in the reserve that researchers don’t count their individual numbers but rather measure the amount of forest they cover. It’s just another reason why they can’t see the forest through the trees.

This winter, the butterflies covered just 2.93 acres, down from 7.14 acres last year. That doesn’t bode well for us, as who knows what we’ll be seeing this fall in the eucalyptus groves at Natural Bridges and Lighthouse Field. It doesn’t sound promising. So the final word on this situation south of the border comes from Mexican revolutionary Emiliano Zapata, who said ” I would rather die standing than live life on my knees.” Viva la revolution, and for you Elvis and Ann Margaret fans, “Viva La Vegas.”

For today’s photo enclave, I’m featuring a group of butterflies at play. The final shot shows the Monarchs clustering in the trees at Natural Bridges State Park. When you look up at this sea of orange and black, you’re viewing one of the true wonders of nature, as their migration north to reach this safe haven, much like me trying to get back down to my high school weight, is brutal. Or as Jennifer Aniston once said, “I love the feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special.” I can relate, as I’ve always savored the early stage of being in love, when I woke up feeling like a happy caterpillar.

On to some late night humor. “A guy in Great Britain found a way to make cars run on coffee. The good news is if cars start running on coffee, it means once again I can smoke at the pumps. Are you folks excited about St. Patrick’s Day? It’s the day I tell Irish jokes written by Jewish writers.” – David Letterman “To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Carnival Cruise had all their toilets overflowing with green water.” – Jay Leno “For many colleges, this is spring break. College kids will go to places like South Beach to make mistakes they will cherish for a lifetime. Spring break is an important American tradition. It’s how we grow a new crop of MTV teen moms.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Last night on “The Tonight Show,” during the monologue Jay Leno called NBC executives “snakes.” The response came quickly. “Jay Leno has crossed the line and gone too far,” responded the snakes. The new show “Bates Motel” premiered last night. It was very suspenseful. The whole time watching it I was thinking, “Will that guy get stabbed? Will he survive to see the next week?” I’m sorry, that’s while I was watching “The Tonight Show. Julius Caesar was romantically involved with Cleopatra for 14 years. After he dumped Cleopatra, there were rumors that Julius Caesar fathered an illegitimate child by a housemaid. But those rumors turned out to be false. It was actually Caesar’s cousin, Julius Schwarzenegger.” – Craig Ferguson

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul announced that he supports a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants. Or as illegal immigrants put it, “Who do you think’s going to build that path?” Kate Middleton revealed that she wants to have a boy, but Prince William is hoping for a girl. However, they both agree that no matter what gender it is, its nanny will love it just the same. Burger King is now offering a turkey burger on its menu. Or as horses put it, “Nope, still us.” There’s talk that “Today” show host Matt Lauer is the top choice to replace Alex Trebek when he leaves “Jeopardy.” Or as Alex Trebek put it, “Who is Matt Lauer?” – Jimmy Fallon

So that’s our Monarch update. I hope you have been relishing the incredible play this week of LeBron James and of March madness, as we are now down to what my daughter will be turning in August, the sweet sixteen. Enjoy the week and the celebration of matzos. We’ll catch you shocking the world by going alley-oop crazy and pulling off the biggest upset in the first round of the NCAA playoffs. Aloha, mahalo and later, Florida Gulf Coast University fans.

Good morning and greetings, Ides of March fans. In case you’re wondering what the Ides are all about, it’s the 15th day of March on the Roman calendar, the date on which Julius Caesar was assassinated back in 44 B.C.E. after adding croutons and parmesan cheese to one of his famous salads. And interestingly enough, that’s where the expression of “All roads lead to Romaine” came from. And I believe it was George Clooney, who directed and starred in the movie “The Ides of March,” who then coined the phrase, “When in Romaine, do as the Romaines do.” The final thought from the salad bar comes from Cool Hand Luke himself, Paul Newman, who said, “The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.”

So as a TV critic and blogger, I pride myself on staying atop of the pulse of this great nation, which I accomplish through phone, email and ham radio. And what I have learned is that cold and flu activity is alive and well around the country. Yes, just like the postman always rings twice, people are still coughing and sneezing, wishing and hoping, laughing and praying that the common cold, also known as a viral upper respiratory tract infection, doesn’t stick around too long and turn into bronchitis, running pneumonia or chicken pox. As the poet Ogden Nash once spouted, “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of mice and men, women, an occasional animal and the common cold.”

Now I rarely get a cold, but that comes from living life in a bubble. But when I do, I’m never thrilled with the nasal drainage, sore throat, hallucinations, sneezing, hoarseness, panic attacks, fatigue, fever, growth spurts, headaches, loss of appetite, premature hair loss, congestion, chills, thrills and the wonderful overall achiness. I know those days of dragging around the house, with my sinuses as stuffed as a Thanksgiving turkey never last more than than a week or so, but it gives me a true appreciation when feeling healthy of having nothing hanging over my head except a couple of hunting trophies.

According to researchers at the Kleenex Institute, there are more than 200 viruses known to cause the common cold. What this means is because there are so many different viruses wreaking havoc, while at the same time new viruses are graduating and going to college, the body never gets a chance to build up any resistance. With our immune system down on ground level, the body is as helpless as a baby veal to fight off bacteria, and colds return as frequently as our daughter tests our boundries. This makes the common cold one of the world’s most reoccurring diseases in the world, along with selfishness and stupidity.

So how do colds spread? Well, it is very simple, my non-glove wearing friends. It is by direct hand-to-hand combat, er contact, that these germs are spread. And it’s just so easy, like taking John Candy from a baby. All you need is someone blowing their nose, and then when they touch someone else, they’ll be as infected as a computer done in by a Chinese government hacker. And as a bonus, a cold virus can live on items like telephones, computer keyboards, magic wands, pens, books and treasure maps for several hours, or the time it takes for your number to be called at the DMV. When you grab a doorknob, a shopping cart, or a hazardous waste suit, you never know whose disease-ridden hand my have been on it before. So if someone had sneezed, ah-choo becomes ah, s***.

Personally, I love that special moment when the feeling of a cold front moves into my chest. Now it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I know I’m in for some good, old-fashioned feeling lousy for a few days until I’ve been punished long enough, and my nasal passages clear and I can quietly slip back into men’s clothes.

Now it’s a common myth that wintertime is the cold and flu season. But you are mistaken, my runny nose due to excessive mucus flow friends. Although colds are much more popular during the colder months of the year, it’s not because of the frigid temperatures, but for the fact that people are huddled together like football players indoors and this helps to spread the joy and love. For young children in school and day care, the reoccurring cold is a parent’s nightmare, just like getting the call from the principal’s office informing you your child is not on the honor roll.

So what is one do to to avoid the contracting the common cold or being harassed by telemarketers? Best option, live in total isolation, with no contact with any fellow human beings. If that’s not realistic, wash your hands forty to fifty times a day, as cold germs can survive up to three hours outside the nasal and Northwest Passage. You want to keep your fingers and toes away from your eyes and nose as to try and avoid infecting oneself with some cold virus particles that may have come along for the ride. Remember, as any detective will tell you, a handshake is not a man’s best friend in the world of cold cases.

But don’t be afraid to go out in the cold weather. You won’t catch a cold or a sniffle. A cold virus can only enter the body through the nose and mouth, so wearing warm clothing or a fur lined burka will not help to decrease your chances of catching a cold or a Saudi prince. Heck, you can go outside with wet hair and no jacket and play in the snow and never worry about getting a cold. Hypothermia yes, a cold, no. And my thanks to EzineArticles.com for some research help on this matter.

So with spring less than ten days away, I thought for today’s photorama that we would take a break from the sunrise/sunset experience and check out some sights from the upcoming change of season. Plants and trees have been blooming for weeks here on the central coast, and I’m always amazed at the way they know when it’s time to make their yearly appearance above the soil. It is always a thrill to see new life surface. And after doing some landscaping a month ago, my rose bushes have been busier than the phones in the Golden State Warriors ticket office, as both spring majesty and the NBA playoffs (hopefully) are on the horizon. I believe it was Bill Murray or the Dali Lama who said, “Gardening is cheaper than therapy and you get tomatoes. I say,” Ronzoni sono buonio, Ronzoni is so good.” But the final word belongs to writer Robert Brault, who simply says, “Why try to explain miracles to your kids when you can just have them plant a garden.”

On to some late night humor. ” President Obama took a group of Republicans to dinner last night. And at the end of the meal, the president personally picked up the tab. Afterwards, Republicans said “Typical Democrat. Spend, spend, spend.” Dennis Rodman visited North Korea. Rodman came back and said President Obama should call North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. But President Obama was busy discussing Iran’s nuclear capabilities with Scottie Pippen. Last night Justin Bieber outraged fans by showing up two hours late for his concert. In fact, I’ve got to tell you, I almost left.
Horse meat was found in some products at Taco Bell. Which explains Taco Bell’s new slogan, “You can lead a horse to Taco Bell. We will take it from there.” – Conan O’Brien

“As you know, the Pope stepped down today. There’s a lot of cardinals running for this Pope position. Some of the slogans are pretty catchy. My favorite: ‘Yes, We Vati-can.'” – Jay Leno “President Obama’s half-brother is running for office in Kenya. He’s a political novice who was born and raised in Africa. I don’t know much about the half-brother.” – Craig Ferguson “Yesterday, Groupon fired the founder and CEO of the company. Yeah, he could tell something was up because today’s deal was his parking space.” – Jimmy Fallon “Mark Zuckerberg unveiled a new Facebook news feed today. He said that with this improved news feed Facebook hopes to give the world “the best personalized newspaper that we can.” He’s playing it a little bit loose with the word “newspaper.” A newspaper tells us that North Korea is threatening to attack us, not that your friend went to Panera Bread this afternoon.” – Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s our daylight saving time report. Interesting that folks in Arizona and Hawaii don’t join in the savings fun. We’ll catch you putting up tremendous, back-to-back 41 point performances last week and putting your team on your back as you try and will them into the playoffs. Aloha, mahalo and later, Kobe Bryant fans.