Good morning and greetings, January Jones fans. Well, the first week of 2013, like my hopes of maintaining a washboard stomach over the holidays, is now history. As of this writing, my waistline is looking more like a washing machine. Or as Oprah once told me, “A waist is a terrible thing to mind.”

However, I’ve always been happy about my name. Geoffrey. Well, except during my school days, when a substitute teacher came into my classroom, picked up the seating chart and tried to pronounce my name. Then we were on our way to mispronunciation city. “Geeeoooofree. Goffrey. Goofy. Sven.”

I love the double initital action. GG. Geoffrey Gilbert. There’s just something about the aligned symmetry, like a Brigette Bardot, Mickey Mantle, Marilyn Monroe, Jesse Jackson, Summer Sanders or Kimmy Kardashian.

I first became aware of the power of names back in 1964, when I heard the song sung by Shirley Ellis called the ‘Name Game.’ It went like this. “Shirley! Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley, Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley.” Okay, so it’s no “Stairway to Heaven,” but it’s a wonderful memory of a misspent youth. And as she said, “And there isn’t any name that you can’t rhyme.” And I thought, “Surely, she must be kidding.’ And she replied. I don’t joke. And don’t call me Shirley.”

I was named Geoffrey after my grandfather Gustav, who passed away before I was born. So my parents decided to go with the first letter ‘G’ in his honor. So there were some decent choices like Glenn, Greg, Gary or Gorgeous. My mother said I got lucky, as their accountant was named George and at one point were leaning in that direction. On an odd note, their insurance guy was named Ringo and the plumber went by John. And they named my brother Paul. They said if he had been a girl, they would have gone with Mick Jagger.

Anyway, my name works for me. I am Geoffrey Gilbert. However, at some point, for some unknown reason my father starting calling me “Geppo,” which then morphed into “Peppo,” which left me feeling abysmal. I also recall him saying, “Jefferson Gilbert, I do declare,” which made me feel like I had joined the Confederacy. Or as Granny from the “Beverly Hillbillies” once described this time in history, “When the North invaded America.”

The name Geoffrey means “God’s peace,” which I gave my parents very little of as a colicky baby. However, my mother had the means within her to soothe her screaming child, but for some reason, she chose to treat me as a friend.

My mother and father had free rein in choosing my name, as they could have gone with Chase, Jackson or Brad Pitt. However, not all parents have that same right. In a story written by Anna Andersen for the Associated Press, a 15-year-old from Reykjavik, Iceland is suing the Icelandic state for the right to legally use the name (Blaer) given to her by her mother, which means “light breeze” in Icelandic. Turns out it is not on a list of names approved by the government. Who knew?

Iceland, like a handful of other countries including Germany, Denmark and the Banana Republic, has official rules about what a baby can be named. However, on the flip side, you came name your dog, moose or reindeer anything you want. Most people don’t question the Personal Names Register, a list of 1,712 male names and 1,853 female names that fit Icelandic grammar and pronunciation rules. State officials maintain this will protect children from embarrassing names like Road Kill, Sissy Boy or Rush Limbaugh.

Blaer’s mother said she learned the name wasn’t on the register only after the priest who baptized the child later informed her he had mistakenly allowed it. Oops. I believe it was either Larry King or Confucius who said, “Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.” Hey, we all make mistakes. Or as comedian Red Skelton put it, “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”

Her mother, Bjork Eidsdottir, said she had no idea that ‘Blaer’ wasn’t on the list. A panel turned down her name on the grounds that the word Blaer takes a masculine article, despite the fact that it was used for a female character in a novel by Iceland’s revered Nobel Prize-winning author Halldor Laxness. In case you find this curious, join the club.

Given names are even more significant in tiny Iceland than in many other countries as everyone is listed in the phone book by their first names. However, this does not create any confusion, as the population of this country is quite small. The phone book is known as the Yellow Page.

This is the first time someone has challenged a names committee decision in court. Choices like Caroline, Chelsea and Carmen Electra have been rejected because the letter “c” is not part of Iceland’s 32-letter alphabet. “Satania” was unacceptable because it was deemed too close to “Satan” while “Brad” was rejected because it too close to “Bra” and Jennifer Aniston.

Bjork Eidsdottir says she is prepared to take her case all the way to Diana Ross and the country’s Supreme Court if a court doesn’t overturn the commission decision on January 25.

“So many strange names have been allowed, which makes this even more frustrating because Blaer is a perfectly Icelandic name,” Eidsdottir said. “It seems like a basic human right to be able to name your child what you want, especially if it doesn’t harm your child in any way. And my daughter loves her name.”

So here’s my thought. If Gwyneth Paltrow can name her daughter Apple, then Blaer works fine for me. It’s really a lovely name. And if you know me, you know I’m all about the love. Or as John F. Kennedy once told White House intern Mimi Alfrod, “Forgive your enemies but never forget their names.”

So to start off the new digital year with a bang, as our first photo lunch box will feature the last sunrise I shot in 2012. The date was December 30, and what started out as a pleasant morning sky blew up into a full on, wonderous delight of color accompanied by a backdrop of big waves. As a local artist described the sky to me that morning, “the clouds were doing gymnastics,” and the Russian judge scored them a 9.8.

It was a morning where the sky just got better and better, and I’d like to think that my future days will be headed in the same direction. The philosopher Voltaire once noted, “The present is pregnant with the future.” French poet Paul Valery wrote that “The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.” However, I’ll stick with the words of American journalist William Allen White who remarked, “I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.” Oh, I believe in yesterday.

On to a little late night humor. “Some people are concerned 2013 will be an unlucky year because of the number 13. As compared to those lucky years like 2012 and 2011.” – Jay Leno “Well, Al-Jazeera has purchased Al Gore’s old TV network, Current TV. So it’s now owned by Al-Jazeera. And listen to this: $500 million. This is a little something Al Gore has come up with called “global fleecing.” – David Letterman “I’ve got to admit, I love the show “Doomsday Preppers.” It’s about people making bunkers to survive catastrophes they know will happen. A nuclear war, viral epidemic, Fox canceling “Glee.” It’s all going to happen.” – Craig Ferguson

So that’s our first blast of 2013. Let’s hope it’s going to be a great one, as it has been so far for the Golden State Warriors, whose early season performance has shocked the NBA world. We’ll catch you having the best season of your career while putting MVP type numbers. Aloha, mahalo and later, David Lee fans.

Good morning and greetings, winter solstice fans. Well, the days, much like the time it takes me to do a 100 pushups in the morning, are once again getting longer. Autumn is now history, but it went out with a memorable bang, delivering a body blow to the nation’s midsection as the first big blizzard of the season hit on the final day of fall, putting the big chill on holiday travelers, retailers and Santa’s reindeer.

So at this time of year, when the weather turns a bit nippy, my favorite activitity changes from running to chewing. And every once in a while, I stray from my strict vegan diet and enjoy a hearty sandwich. It could be a chicken parmesan, corned beef or bacon, lettuce and tofu. Or perhaps a french dip, patty melt or the old reliable cream cheese and jelly. Then there’s the meatball marinara, barbecued tri-tip or roast beef and cheese. Let’s face it, put anything that once walked between two slices of warm, fresh bread and I’ll eat it.

I believe it was the early Aztecs who developed the first sandwich, a grilled ham and cheese with a horseradish mustard dressing. It has become as much a part of the American landscape as ABC’s “Nashville,” starring the lovely Connie Britton and Hayden Panittiere. It’s been studied and eaten by the great philosophers of our times. As writer Bill Bryson put it, “In three minutes, 98 percent of all the matter there is or ever will be has been produced. We have a universe. It is a place of wonderous beauty and gratifying possibility. And it was all done in about the time it takes to make a sandwich.” And with that, my condiments to the chef.

But there is one sandwich that is my Eliot Ness, the untouchable. And that would be the McRib. But what do we really know about this legendary boneless pork sandwich that is famously molded, caulked and grouted to resemble a rack of ribs? Well, hold on to your mcappetites, because I’m going to give you the low down on this legendary beast of burden that comes slathered in sweet and tangy barbecue sauce on a soft, warm bun.

In a story written by Dina Spector and Kim Bhasin for Yahoo News, McDonald’s announced that the McRib is back. This has faithful devotees of the sandwich and nutritionists dancing in the streets, as nothing in modern sandwich times compares to the following of the shrewdly marketed and boldly bonelessly engineered product.

This grand slam of pork pleasure was supposed to return at the end of October, but was pushed back to help boost end-of-the-year sales just in case the Mayans were right.

So what’s the story behind the McRib? Rene Arend, the inventor of the Chicken McNugget and the Hubble Space Telescope, said that the McNugget was so popular when it was first introduced that the Golden Arches ran out chicken. So out of necessity, as McNuggets were scarcer than finding a Tea Party liberal, McDonald’s needed a new hot-selling product, and the Filet-O-Lobster wasn’t the answer.

Rene Arend designed the McRib after the barbecue-sauce-slathered pork sandwiches he ate during a visit to the Mayo Clinic. The McRib doesn’t contain a single bone or piece of cartilage. With no bones, you’ve got more taste. And no bones means more pork, which means more sandwich, and more sandwich means means satisfaction. And that’s a guarantee you can take to your cardiologist.

Before we go any further, I should tell you that on the McDonald’s website, there a little directive spelling out “The 101 reasons to eat a McRib.” Here’s the intro. “We know you’re out there. The ones who have never tasted the legend that is the McRib. Maybe you’re saying, “Give me a reason to try a McRib. With that tender, boneless pork bathed in our sweet and tangy barbecue sauce, do you really think we could stop at one reason?” The sound you hear now is my rabbi screaming.

In 1972, a professor at the University of Nebraska, Roger Mandingo, developed the “restructured meat product” that the McRib is actually made of . This “restructured meat product” contains a mixture of tripe, heart, and scalded stomach, which is then mixed with salt and water to extract proteins from the muscle. Now doesn’t that sound yummy? The proteins bind all the pork trimmings together so that it can be re-molded into any specific shape — in this case, a fake slab of ribs, frisbee or a new heart valve. When the folks at Burger King heard this, they said, “Go ahead, have it your way.”

McDonalds and the Better Sandwich Bureau says the McRib consists of just five basic components: a pork patty, barbecue sauce, pickle slices, onions, and a sesame bun. But, as reported by Time magazine, a closer inspection of McDonald’s own ingredient list reveals that it contains a total of 70 ingredients, including azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent often used in the production of foamed plastics like yoga mats. Well, nothing says improved flexibility, more strength, better concentration, improved posture and better breathing than downing a pork sandwich for the ages.

The McRib has become a legend for its here today, gone tomorrow appearances on McDonald’s menus. And like my obsession with the new Miley Cyrus, it has generated a cult-like following. As they boast at the Arch’s site, “You’ve seen what we did to french fries. Just think about how drool-inducing we can make pork.”

Well, unfortunately, they haven’t quite sold me on taking the McRib challenge, as I’m in training for a pizza triathlon. Let’s face it, McDonald’s has struck gold with this juicy, tender, boneless,semi-real pork concoction on a sesame bun. As franchise founder Ray Kroc himself would tell you, “The McRib only comes once year and you never know when. Tasting one is like catching a glimpse of a falling star.” Check, please.

Today’s photo foray features the first hour of light from last Friday, the first day of winter. This was the winter solstice at its finest, with the added Toulouse-Lautrec like effect of it being the shortest day of the year. I was thrilled when I first saw the early morning sky, as I knew something special was sitting on the horizon. I was shooting up and down along West Cliff as huge waves battered the coast. As an added bonus, after the initial cloud colors disappeared, new ones appeared (photo #4,) which surprised and delighted yours truly. After putting an all-star performance, the sun disappeared into the dark clouds. Two hours later, it was pouring and the storm was in full regalia. But what an opening act.

On to some late night humor. “In what’s being called a stunning literary find, a Danish historian has discovered the last remaining, unpublished fairy tale from Hans Christian Andersen. It’s called “Congress Solves the Fiscal Cliff. Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton passed out, hit her head, and suffered a minor concussion. Well, we found out today why she passed out. Apparently, she heard the Lakers won two games in a row.” – Jay Leno According to the Mayan calendar, Friday is the end of the world. You know what? There is a sign of the apocalypse. The New York Knicks are in first place.” – David Letterman “And as silly as this all may seem, a worldwide survey shows that one in 10 people believe the world is going to end on Friday. A Chinese man even designed a survival pod. The inventor says they can hold 14 people comfortably, or roughly three American people comfortably.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“And now The Mayan Channel forecast. Thursday: cloudy, chance of showers, high 39. Friday: volcanos, asteroid strikes, apocalypse.” – David Letterman
“Everybody I run into is talking about the end of the world. They’re not believers in the Mayan apocalypse. They’re Laker fans.” – Conan O’Brien “After three years and six seasons, the final episode of “Jersey Shore” aired tonight. Or as the Mayans put it, “So we were off by one day.” This week, police in Ohio had to break up a fight between two neighbors with the last names Hall and Oates. But don’t worry. It was quickly broken up by officers Simon and Garfunkel.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago Airlines in Europe are testing a new robot that can make drinks for passengers instead of having flight attendants do it. This way, flight attendants can stay focused on their most important job — ramming the beverage cart into your elbow.” – Jimmy Fallon “A woman in Spain was arrested for stashing three pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. I thought, “That’s quite a bust.” – Craig Fersguson

So that’s the pre holiday scoop. We’ll catch you being named Sports Illustrated Man of the Year and not being called for a personal foul in over two weeks. Aloha, mahalo and later, LeBron James fans.

Good morning and greetings, potato latke fans. Well, coming up this week, I’m hitting another milestone along the long and winding road of my life. No, it’s not the 500th sunrise or the 1,000th sunset I’ve shot or my viewing of the season finale of the family friendly “Sons of Anarchy.” No, it’s something even scarier than the every day activities of a Northern California outlaw motorcycle gang involved with the IRA, CIA and Mexican drug cartels. So I’m just going to lay it out there. I’m turning 60.

There, I said it. Six tee. The big six oh. I’ve been trying to avoid this day for a decade, ever since I turned the big five oh. But like turning into your parents, there’s no avoiding it. Even though the number 60 flows out of my mouth as smoothly as cashew butter on a fresh croissant, it’s a painful realization that I’m not getting any younger. Let’s face it, in dog years, I’m dead.

There was little joy in telling people over this past year that I was 59, because that was way too close to the six decades mark. I remember the words of author Hervey Allen, who once said, “The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams, the old servants of regret.” Ironically, Hervey died while taking a shower at age 60. And that is why from now on I’m only going to take bubble baths.

Years ago, Anglo-Irish priest Jonathan Swift lamented, “No wise man ever wished to be younger.” I’m not sure what that says about me, as I wouldn’t mind knocking thirty years off my life resume. And it was either Daniel Day Lewis or Abraham Lincoln who proclaimed, “In the end, it’s not the years that count. It’s the life in your years.” I’m all for living life to the fullest, and that’s why my new HD DVR recorder is able now able to store over two hundred thousand hours of programming. As they say, “Don’t just watch TV, Direct TV.”

The actor George Clooney, who I can’t count the number of times I’ve been mistaken for, once remarked “I’m kind of comfortable with getting older because it’s better than the other option, which is being dead.” On this point I’m in full agreement. They say age is just a number. If I had a choice, I would keep mine unlisted.

Pablo Picasso once tweeted to his friends that “One starts to get young at the age of sixty and then it is too late.” Hopefully, with my boyish good looks and silver locks, I’ve bucked that trend. He also once said “I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money.” Yes, happiness is all about the simple pleasures. If so, I’d like to live as a Hawaiian man with lots of warm breezes.

Mark Twain wrote that “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.” What an interesting thought. Sounds like a TV series on FX. I know that I’m getting older, as I’m no longer the chiseled Adonis I was back in grammar school. I believe it was my rabbi’s wife who said, “You’re aren’t really turning 60. Just 21 with 39 years experience.” That sounds great. If only I didn’t groan like Don Rickles every time I bend down to pick something up. Or in the words of the great Yankee centerfielder Mickey Mantle, “If I knew I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.”

But it’s all good, because I have no choice in this aging matter. Or as journalist John P. Grier offered, “You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.” Or as baseball’s Chili Davis put it, “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” Myself, I’m not really thinking 60, more like $59.95 plus tax.

The ageless baseball player Leroy “Satchel” Paige once quipped, “Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” So I’m going to take his advice and look at this birthday event as another marker along the freeway of life. After all, sixty is just a number, which at this stage of my life, sounds a whole lot better than seventy, eighty or ninety. So to quote the great philosopher and socialite Paris Hilton, “The way I see it, you should live everyday like it’s your birthday.” That’s sound advice coming from a woman who said it while making a video in her birthday suit.

So here’s the bottom line. I’ll be sixty years old on Wednesday. I’m healthy. I can still hit the open three. Loving family and friends abound. I’ve got a a golden retriever who worships me. So life is good and I am more than blessed. And my accountant says I’ll be able to live off the karmic residuals from writing this blog for decades to come.

For today’s photo entertainment I’m going back to my blonde roots. The first two photos are my favorite sunrise moments taken at Lighthouse Point. Portraying the early morning beauty in the skies above Santa Cruz is one of the reasons I started this blog. The other is that I’m very lonely. Then to mark this milestone occasion we move on to a couple of photos of yours truly in the South Pacific and shrouded in color on the central coast. We then close out the birthday montage with two shots of me and my golden retriever Summer. She’d been hounding me for weeks to include her in this holiday package.

On to a little late night humor. “Today in Washington, President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: ‘Running Deficit.’ The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place. Mitt Romney is going back to work. Romney is joining the board of directors at Marriott hotels. See, who says President Obama can’t create jobs? There’s one right there. Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he’s taking steps to run for president in 2016. In fact, this week he’s meeting with donors. He better hope they’re brain donors.” –Jay Leno

“A new book coming out reveals that Florida Sen. Marco Rubio was born a Catholic, became a Mormon, then returned to the Catholic church, then became a Baptist, then again returned to the Catholic church. And I think he’s at it again because he’s now asking people to call him Marco Rubinstein. The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It’s all part of their ‘For the last time, we’re not Muslim’ campaign.” –Conan O’Brien

“A lot of dissension among conservatives. One of the leaders of the Tea Party has resigned after a major split in the movement. The Tea Party is now divided between angry whites and even angrier whites.” –Conan O’Brien “A new survey found that ‘Sophia’ and ‘Aiden’ were the most popular baby names this year. The least popular baby name was Kim Jong Sandusky. “McDonald’s just announced that it’s bringing back the McRib later this month. Or, as the Mayans put it, ‘Hey, we tried to warn you.'” –Jimmy Fallon

So that’s the birthday report. Birthday wishes also go out to my old radio partner turned boxing promoter Jerry Hoffman, who celebrates the trip down the birth canal on the same day, 12/12/12. I don’t want to say Jerry is excited about this date, but he has been planning a surprise party for me with cake, ice cream, pony rides and ring card girls ever since the first day we met.

So enjoy the festival of lights that is Hanukah and the parade of latkes, apple sauce and sour cream. We’ll catch you getting off to a great start and surprising everyone with your team’s early season success. Aloha, mahalo and later, New York Knick fans.

Good morning and greetings, high surf advisory fans. Well, if you like driving rain, gale force winds and giant waves smacking up against the coast, then last week was a good time to be on the central coast. It was invigorating walking on West Cliff last Thursday morning, as remnants of the previous day’s destruction was evident all along the path. I love being on the coast when a storm is raging. Or as author Alice M.Swain once remarked, “Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.” I couldn’t describe my personna any better.

On Thursday’s sunrise, gorgeous red clouds appeared, which caught me by surprise as I thought there would be as much color in the sky as you’d see at a Tea Party clam bake. There was some disappointment about not capturing this morning glory, but when I called Peter Townshend, he said he had also missed it, but reassured me with his words “We won’t get fooled again.” I then thought to myself, “Who are you? Who, who, who, who?

So during storm watch Wednesday, I reunited with my old radio partner, Jerry Hoffman of 12 Sports Productions, and headed up to UC Santa Cruz to attend Media Day for the Santa Cruz Warriors. As a flower child of the 60’s, I’m still amazed that in 2012, Santa Cruz is the new home of a professional sports franchise. The only pro action I had previously seen in our little kelp-filled conclave was the Coldwater Classic down at Steamers Lane. Personally, I’m much more a fan of a warmwater classsic, due to shrinkage issues and the fact that it’s difficult to wipe out in a hot tub.

Anyway, getting back our new NBA Developmental League team, it got me to thinking about the pick and role that basketball has played in my life. My earliest memories are from grammar school, where we were once beaten by a score of 82-5 by a team that featured a sixth grader that went on to play in the NBA. My favorite memory from high school was the six days a week of basketball practice. My fondest thoughts from my college days at UCSC were playing basketball at the East Fieldhouse while doing research for my doctoral thesis on the importance of playing strong weakside defense.

After graduation, I took my game to Jade Street Park in Capitola, where running with my basketball buddies was always the highlight of the day. When I moved down to Hermosa Beach, you could catch me on the basketball courts in Manhattan Beach, a place where NBA players would sometimes show up and throw me around like a ragdoll. When I returned to Santa Cruz after a ten year stint in SoCal, the action was at Willlowbrook Park in Aptos, where I still practice my arts and what’s left of my craft on Saturday mornings.

Hoops also played a big role in my working life. While attending the University of Colorado, I had trouble with a statistics class that I ultimately had to drop because I had no idea what was going on. After graduating from UCSC, my brother Paul, who by this time was working for the NBA as Director of Video Promotions, helped me secure a job a a columnist for the league’s magazine “NBA Today,” in which I created a column called “Stats The Way It Is,” which detailed everything you ever wanted to know about NBA statistics and more. I’m not sure if that’s ironic, sardonic, and chronic, but it started me down the road to writing about my passion in life, pro hoops and men’s fashion.

Here’s a little side note. One night, when my son Jason was six or seven, we were watching a Laker game together, and he turned to me and said “Daddy, can I keep stats on Shaq and Kobe?” I was stunned, as had never mentioned my statistical past to him. I handed him a yellow pad and he went to town, tracking field goal attempts, free throws and how many Laker girls were natural blondes. At that moment, I knew there would never need to be a paternity test to determine if he was really mine, so that UPS driver down in Hermosa was finally off the hook.

I should also mention that playing basketball with my son while he was growing up was an incredible joy, as I never let him beat me. But as he got bigger, quicker and stronger and I was no longer able to stop him from scoring, I did what fathers have done throughout the ages and passed the torch. I stopped keeping score. This way, I could retire undefeated, because at that point, he was destroying me. In fact, he was so inspired by this transformation of events that he wrote one of his statement essays for his UC application on beating me like a drum the first time. The king was dead.

When I was a student at UCSC, my DJ brother and I did a Sunday night radio sports show on KZSC. This led to me interviewing Hall of Fame New York Post baskeball columnist Peter Vescey, who I later worked for as an indentured servant, staff writer and later co-writer on and off for decades. It also led to a brief stint working for NBC as a field producer for “Showtime,” where I was lucky enough to interview the likes of a Kevin Garnett, Scottie Pippen and Phil Jackson. Bottom line, I have been living and breathing NBA basketball for years, and having the Warriors come to town with their D-League team is just an added treat, like having Direct TV’s NBA League Pass beamed into my home in a non-HD format for the last 12 years.

One final basketball note. When I first met my wife Allison, she told me her father had Laker season tickets right off the floor at the Fabulous Forum in Inglewood. Despite the fact they were not actually courtside, this was not a deal breaker and it did not affect our budding relationship. In later years, when I asked her if she wanted to go to a game, she repeated the words her mother had told her father. “Call everyone you know, and if no one else can go, go alone.” Now you see why I married her.

For this week’s photo lineup, we are continuing the sunrise serenade, as on this late October morning I headed up to UCSC to shoot the action overlooking Pogonip. When I arrived, the fog was blowing through, taking away the pure color but adding drama to the moment. When the mist partially cleared, I started to shoot, and you can see the morning evolved into a beautiful experience, as the multi layers of color decorated the sky from the trees to the sea. Love those early bird specials.

On to a little late night. “President Obama and Mitt Romney met at the White House. I guess it was a closed event: There was no press allowed, there were no cameras, no recordings — to which Mitt Romney said, “I’m not falling for that one again.” – Jay Leno “Today Mitt Romney had lunch with President Obama. It was an awkward moment when the bill came and Obama only offered to pay 47 percent.” – Conan O’Brien

“Powerball officials say two people won the $580 million. Congratulations to the winners — Mitt and Ann Romney. President Obama had lunch with Mitt Romney. There was an awkward moment when Romney looked around and said, “So how much do you want for the place?” A prison inmate in Oregon who shot his own jaw off has demanded the state pay for his surgery. At least that’s what I think he said.” – Conan O’Brien.

So that’s our first blast for the new month. We’ll catch you leading your team to three Super Bowl championships while going down in history as one of the greatest and handsomest quarterbacks of all time. Aloha, mahalo and later, Tom Brady fans.

Good morning and greetings, post holiday fans. Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone as the turkey, along with mounds of stuffing, gravy and cranberry sauce is just a happy caloric memory. It’s a holiday I always look forward to as it involves food, family and football, and not necessarily in that order. Or in the words of the late Johnny Carson, “Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday, People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. Hiyo.

It’s a November gathering that brings families together to kick back, enjoy a fabulous meal and reminisce. No pressure, no presents, no Pilgrims, just being around people who we are closest to and the baggage they bring with them. It’s a simple way to celebrate a day that fills the memory books. Jon Stewart remembers this holiday well. “I celebrated in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

For the home team, a good part of the day is spent in the kitchen, preparing for a feast while many around the world go hungry. As Mother Theresa once told me at a Bon Jovi concert, “If you can’t feed one hundred people, feed one.” For a home cooked Thanksgiving dinner, much needs to be done in preparation. But this work can be rewarding. As the queen of macadamia nuts Roseanne Barr once crooned, ‘Here I am at five o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.”

It’s a long day in the kitchen, but then again, this holiday occurs only once a year, giving you 365 days of rest in-between. Myself, I don’t mind the work, as the TV is on and football makes a pleasant backdrop for this late November surge. Columnist Erma Bombeck was an interested observer of the all-consuming pigskin experience. As she once wrote, “Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Halftimes take twelve minutes. This is not a coincidence.” Or as my rabbi once noted, “On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down at the same time-halftime.”

It’s a fun day, as we reunite with family we sometimes see just a few times throughout the year. For the simple man or a big-time celebrity like Arnold Schwarzenegger, it’s a special day on the culinary front. In the words of the Terminator, “I love the Thanksgiving turkey…it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.” And as David Letterman once chimed in, “Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say,’ How long has Mom been drinking like this?’ My mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and says, Here kitty, kitty.”

And we know that Dave Letterman is a big fan of Oprah. Oprah is a saint, a woman with a huge heart that overflows with love and generosity. She changes people’s lives on a daily basis, and if you want to admire someone in life, you might want to start with the Big O. This is her thought on the day. “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough. Or in the words of inspirational writer William A. Ward, “God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?”

Well, damn it, I have, and I’m thankful for all I’m blessed with including family, friends, health and a new 51″ HD Plasma TV to watch the Food Channel on. But to put the holiday in proper perspective, I’ll let the final words flow from the pale face of comedian Jim Gaffigan, an expert on bacon who came up with this riff. “Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'” Thank you and good night.

For today’s photo entree we are featuring the first half of the November 14th double dip, when both the sunrise and sunset shined from sea to sea. In my last post we featured the dusk experience, where the texture of the clouds seemed unreal. For this sunrise, I misjudged where the prime action was and set up way down at the end of Its Beach (photo #1) to try and capture the red reflection on the water. But the real deal were the clouds above Steamers Lane, which I caught in photo #2 when they had turned mandarin orange, creating a citrus sunrise effect.

Then the heavy clouds rolled in and I moved along to take in some silhouette action from Lighthouse Field. All in all, it was a day of double delights, with folks along the central coast getting two spectacular sights for the price of one. For me, it was just another chapter in the life of a photo blogger with his trusty digital camera and a golden retriever that will never leave him.

On to the late night. “Facebook just launched a new app. They teamed up with the Department of Labor to create what they call the social jobs app. You can browse through 2 million job listings. You know it’s bad when even Facebook thinks it’s time for you to get a job.” –Jimmy Kimmel “During his final speech on the House floor yesterday, Congressman Ron Paul said the Constitution has failed. Which must be a bummer because he’s actually one of the guys who signed it.” –Jimmy Fallon

“A decorated war hero has an affair with his own sexy biographer, who thinks the spy master is stepping out on her with a second girlfriend. So she sends an email from a secret account saying ‘step off or I will cut a bi-atch.’ And the second hottie freaks out and contacts her friends, FBI agents, who launch an investigation, but gets pulled off the case because he sexed her a shirtless photo. The spy master protege, also a general, has sent thousands of e-mails to the second woman. This isn’t just a love triangle, folks. It’s a love pentagon.” -Stephen Colbert

“It was announced today that former General Petraeus has agreed to testify before Congress. I guess he figured, ‘Why not?’ Those questions can’t be any tougher than the ones he’s getting at home right now. See, when a general tells his wife, ‘I was pitching a tent in Afghanistan,” technically he’s not lying.” –Jay Leno

So that’s our last blast for November 2012. We’ll catch you showing NFL fans that despite suffering a devastating knee injury last year, you’ve amazingly come back better than ever this season while leading the league in rushing yards. Aloha, mahalo and later, Adrian Peterson fans.

Good morning and greetings, fall harvest fans. Yes, fruit and vegetable lovers, this is the time of year that all kinds of cash crops are being harvested here on the central coast, with most of these spoils of the earth ending up on the grocery shelf or at a Farmer’s Market. Of course, some of these products find their way to our local dispenseries, but that’s another exit along the preventive glaucoma highway.

They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the cherry tree, so it was with red delicious interest when I came across this story written by Ben Popken at lifeinc.today.com. It seems that our crisp and juicy friend, the apple, is the latest food that it may be in short supply on supermarket shelves. Or in the words of Che Guevera, “The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.” Gil Scott-Heron said “The revolution will not be televised.” That’s why I’m going to TiVo it.

So who is to blame about dem apples? Well, I blame everything on the Republican farmers and Congress. Of course, I’m just kidding, I don’t blame Congress. No, granny smith fans, the fall guy or gal here is mother nature, as an early warm spring, not to be confused with Irish Spring, brought out the blossoms on the apples trees. Then came a March-April cold spell that wiped them off the map. Or as actress Mayim Bialik would say, “No blossom, no apple” or “No tickee, no washee.”

For example, in Michigan, the nation’s third largest source of apples, the crop is down 80 percent, while the Detroit Lion’s play has been even worse. New York’s crop, which is the nation’s second largest, has been cut by half, despite the addition of golden boy Tim Tebow. As they say in Ecclesiastes, “All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full, like the Oakland Coliseum most Sundays.” This has nothing to do with our deciduous friend, I was just going with the flow.

The NFL and the U.S. Apple Association estimate this year’s inventory at 202 million bushels and one peck, down about 10 percent from last year. A bushel equals 42 pounds. That’s 966 million fewer pounds of apples to go around for apple pies, cakes, cobblers, tailors, iPhones and strudels. The USDA’s estimates are for the lowest harvest in 20 years and for the Giants not to repeat as Super Bowl champions.

But there is good news on the apple front. Washington State, which normally supplies 60 percent of the nation’s apple inventory and annual rainfall, is looking to break a record on the harvest front. The big question up there in the Pacific Northwest is, can they find enough people to pick the apples before they start falling and can the Seahawks go to the Super Bowl with a rookie quarterback at the helm? And even more importantly, will they be able to lure an NBA team back to Seattle? If the apples are not on the trucks by Thanksgiving, they’ll be carpeting God’s green earth, creating an all-you can eat buffet for our hermaphrodite friend, the worm.

But even if Washington bucks up and finds its pickers, the DEA and USDA say it won’t be enough. Here in the Golden State, we don’t have to worry, as the apple crop is peaking like Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock, as locals will be set for the baking, canning, juicing and bobbing season.

On the other hand, the U.S. Apple Association says not to panic, as they say there will be no shortage and apple pies will be flowing out of the stores like the great Mississippi at Thanksgiving time. They say things may change in the spring, but by then, imports from Chile, New Zealand and New Jersey can pick up some of the slack. So there’s no reason to panic, but if you must, panic constructively.

Some apple thoughts. Actor Scott Foley says “The older I get, the more I become an apple pie, sparkling cider kind of guy. Financier Bernard Baruch once observed that “Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the only one who asked why.” And writer Dorothy Parker came out with this doozy. “Ducking for apples-change one letter and that’s the story of my life.” I guess she’s talking golden delicious.

On a personal note, I’m quite fond of fuji apples. And I can down freshly pressed apple cider like water. However, when it comes to applesauce, Mott’s Original is the god I pray to. That’s because only the finest apples make it into the Mott’s basket, before being blended in their special family recipe along with 25 grams of sugar to ensure a flavor that meets my high standards. As it says on the jar, “Putting little between the orchards and you, the way you trust us to.” Or as William Shakespeare once said, “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none, except with drone strikes to Al Queda.”

So for today’s photo enclave, we are showcasing our friend, the organic apple, as they appear on a couple of trees at The Farm at UCSC. It’s an exhilarating experience seeing produce in the growing stage. I saw broccoli in the soil for the first time. I always thought it grew together along with the beef.

We then check out an early October sunrise shot from the playing field up at UCSC. Although I wasn’t able to capture the reflection of the clouds on Monterey Bay, they did create some viewing action for students and Phi Beta Baseball Kappa wearing alumni in the local vicinity.

On to the late night. “Apparently after last week’s debate, polls show Obama trailing Romney by one point. One point — or as it’s also known, ‘the thing Obama failed to make during last week’s debate.’ Last night, a woman on QVC fainted on the air, but her co-host kept talking as if nothing had happened. One person was unconscious while the other one just kept talking — kind of like last week’s presidential debate.” –Jimmy Fallon

“While the average American’s net worth has gone down in the last four years, the net worth of the average member of Congress has actually gone up. No wonder Congress isn’t motivated to do anything — they’re the only ones better off now than they were four years ago. Unemployment is 7.8 percent, the lowest it’s been since Obama took office. The Obama campaign said they can’t wait to take these statistics and not use them in the next debate.” –Jay Leno

“According to Nielson numbers, more than 70 million people watched Wednesday’s debate either on TV, online, or from one of the podiums.” –Seth Meyers “I have not seen a black man look that disinterested and annoyed since I dragged Chris Rock to that Beach Boys concert.” –Bill Maher

“Your choice now is pretty clear. You can either vote for the guy who got rid of bin Laden or vote for the guy who wants to get rid of Big Bird.” –David Letterman “In a new interview, first lady Michelle Obama said that she would choose Will Smith or Denzel Washington to play her husband in a movie. Or as Democrats put that, ‘Any way they can play him in a debate?'” –Jimmy Fallon

The consensus is that Mitt Romney won the presidential debate last night. The only people who thought Obama won were the replacement refs. -Jay Leno “At one point last night President said the one thing about being president is learning to say no — especially when someone asks, ‘Do you feel ready for this debate?'” –Conan O’Brien “The only thing that could have salvaged the president’s performance would have been if the body of bin Laden fell from the ceiling onto the stage.” –Jimmy Kimmel

So that’s the scoop. Congratulations go out to my three-point shooting nephew Joshua, who celebrated his bar mitzvah this past weekend. Now he is a man. Let’s see if he can move his feet on defense.

We’ll catch you as a 40-year-old smacking a pinch hit home run in the ninth and then blasting another bomb in the 12th inning to win it and send Yankee fans into a happy frenzy. And then hitting another game-tying homer in the bottom half of the ninth again on Saturday. Aloha, mahalo and later, Raul Ibanez fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA training camp fans. Well, September, like any hopes of the oil companies earning a trillion less in profits per year to help out with global warming, is now history. Suffice it to say, boys and girls, “too little, too late” is heading right down the pike, and our children will be the beneficiaries of this oncoming ecological train wreck. In the words of humorist Dave Barry, “If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the answer most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.” For my money, you can throw in cell phones, texting and tweeting.

So now that we’re off to a positive start, let’s trot out the weather map. September in Santa Cruz was supposed to be the warmest month of the year, but no one told my Tommy Bahama sweatshirt. I don’t want to say it’s been a tad chilly, but when I went down at the wharf the other day, I saw a sea lion buying a fur coat. This past week of persistent fog and gray skies reminded me of wintertime in my humble westside abode, when we don’t clean the house, we just defrost it.

And that brings us to this week’s subject du jour. Now I am very fortunate to live in a nice home with plenty of room. It’s not Trump Palace or the Taj Mahal, but it’s comfortable and equipped with two TiVos. I believe it was Katie Holmes divorce attorney who once said, “A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.”

And as I am well aware, everyone in this country is not as fortunate, as some people are forced to live in condos and igloos. As German playwright Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said between bites of wienerschnitzel, “He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home with Direct TV Red Zone.”

Then we have our basketball, hip hop stars and presidential candidates, who live in 20,000 square-foot palatial estates, and let’s fact it, for some, a house is not a home without 18 bedrooms, a car elevator and a bowling alley. But despite these outrageous displays of ostentation, many cities are in need of a new housing model (New York, Boston) or an NFL team (Los Angeles.)

In story by the Associated Press, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors are set to vote this week on a proposed change to the city’s building code that would allow construction of the smallest, thimble-sized apartments in the country. Under the plan, these matchboxes, er apartments could be as small as 220 square feet, which is a little more than double the size of some prison cells, which has the residents at San Quentin in hysterics. And their digs come with free room and board.

These downsized petri dishes, which has sardines puffing out their chests, include a kitchen, bathroom, closet and guest house, which will be perfect for a small munchkin. We’re talking about living life to the fullest in an area the size of a full-sized parking space. It’s like living in a hotel without room service or housekeeping leaving a chocolate on your pillow every night.

According to the Grateful Dead archives, current regulations require the living room alone to be the size of these new souped-up shoeboxes. Schematics for the 300-square-foot planned units include window seats that turn into spare beds, beds that turn into tables and glasses of water than turn into bath tubs.

Proponents say the smaller coffins, er apartments would provide a cheaper option for the city’s many single residents, who have been priced out of the rental market as the region experiences a resurgent technology industry.

Let’s face it, Giant fans, city living ain’t cheap. San Francisco apartments rented for an average of $2,734 in June. These mini-submarine-sized micro-units are expected to rent for $1,200 to $1,700 a month. It allows them to accommodate up to very thin two people and requires an additional 100 square feet of space for each occupant above that number, like a goldfish or baby shrimp.

San Francisco Supervisor Scott Weiner, who drafted the legislation for these tiny abodes where your bedroom, living room, kitchen and closet all fit neatly into a hat box says “Although in our fantasy world everyone would live in a single-family home or a huge spacious flat, the reality of life is that not everyone can afford that.” Or as NBC news anchor Brian Williams commented, “If you have a backyard, count your blessings.”

But critics and the old woman who lives in a shoe counter that the units wouldn’t help families and could boost population density, straining public transit and have San Francisco ending up looking like Singapore without the gambling casinos.

Housing experts and Dr. Ruth say that going from big to small, “can be liberating. If you downsize your stuff along with your expectations of square footage, you really can do more with less.” And you never have to worry about hosting holiday meals, pot-luck dinners, tupperware parties or orgies. But you would have room for the grapes.

Interior decorators and claustrophobics say that the smaller the space you have to work with, the bigger your imagination and creativity becomes to accommodate it. That may be true, but I don’t want to take my bubble bath in a soup bowl.

But, of course, there are ways of being resourceful. For example, you can sleep on your sofa bed at night, use it as a couch during the day and the rest of the time bang your head against it when you realize you’re paying $1700 a month to live in place that’s slightly larger than Rover’s doghouse. Futilities not included.

So to kickoff the new month, we are going back in the time tunnel, starting off with a couple of shots from a late September sunrise. Next we are cyber traveling back to two years ago today, October 1, 2010. This was an unusual sunset, as the pinkish-purplish hue emanating from the clouds (photo #5) was coming from the east, where normally the most vivid colors trend from the west. I haven’t seen this scenario very often, perhaps as frequently as I agree with something a Tea Party member says. Just a spectacular fall night on the bay.

On to some late night. “Congratulations to both Mitt Romney and President Obama. They both won Emmys for their performance on “60 Minutes” last night. Obama won for acting as if everything has gotten better over the last four years, and Romney won for pretending to care about that other 47 percent. “A civil rights group said that up to 10 million Hispanics could be blocked from voting in the upcoming election because of these changes to the voting laws. 10 million. And that’s just here in LA.” –Jay Leno

“A lot of people are commenting that Mitt Romney is looking extremely tan lately. In fact, if Romney gets any darker he’s not going to vote for himself.” –Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney just released a new campaign ad aimed at seniors too. It’s called, ‘Least we can do’ — named after how much he plans on doing for seniors.” –Jimmy Fallon “A new book claims the reason Texas Gov. Rick Perry did so terrible in the debates and forgot everything was due to a sleep disorder. Apparently the disorder was he slept through grade school, high school and college. “Obama has gone from ‘Yes we can.’ to ‘I’m sorry. No one can.'” –Jay Leno

“They taped Mitt Romney explaining his positions in a roomful of rich bastards, I’m sorry, I meant heroic job creators. And he said 47 percent of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And he said, ‘My job is not to worry about those people.’ You know, where do people get the stuff that Mitt Romney is a heartless, calculating mother******?” “This tape is like so incriminating. Everything that liberals suspect mitt Romney says behind closed doors, now there’s a tape of Mitt Romney saying that exactly behind closed doors. It’s like if Republicans had a tape of Obama where he was reading Karl Marx with a highlighter while forging a birth certificate and getting serviced by Cleopatra Jones.” –Bill Maher

Ah, he paints such a pretty picture. So that’s our first blast for October. Big birthday wishes go out next Sunday to my old Ivy league pal, Dr. Michael Schur. The Rory Mcllroy of pediatric anesthesiology is a modest man, as few people know that he is the person who actually designed Dean Smith’s four corners offense.

We’ll catch you helping bring pro football gamblers back to their senses. Aloha, mahalo and later, NFL referee fans.

Good morning and greetings, NFL training camp fans. Well, the glow from a week in paradise is still with me, but the memories of the sweet papayas and warm trade winds are growing fainter by the day, much like the chances of Sarah Palin being invited to perform her stand-up routine at the GOP convention. I have slowly readjusted to mornings on the central coast, which I like to refer to as the “Seven Shades of Gray.”

This is not a complaint, just an observation of the everpresent marine layer that makes me feel like I’m stationed at Camp Pendleton. Or in the words of Ronald Reagan. “Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they have made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem.” Nor do the Kardashians.

I believe it was either David or Robert Frost who once said, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the toll road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” I love cruising down this weekly cyber highway of adventure. I remember telling my babysitter back in my first year of colllege, “Never be afraid to do something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic.”

So that’s the thought that I bring to this posting every week. I’m hoping in some small way that my photos and thoughts are making a difference in people’s cyber existence. In the words of Tom Brokaw, “It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.” And I believe it was either Joyce or Val Kilmer who once told me, “Poems are made by fools like me, but at crunch time, only God can make a three.” Okay, so I’m NBA paraphrasing.

So let’s get down to business. July 2012 will be remembered for its brutal, scorching, unrelenting heat. Highways were buckling, planes were trapped on runways in melted asphalt while the earth cracked all over the midwest. July was hotter than the U.S. Women’s gymnastic team’s Q Rating, which right now is higher than a Michael Phelp’s Louis Vuitton ad.

In a story written by Seth Borenstein for the Associated Press, it has been officially confirmed by federal scientists and the cast of “Baywatch” that this past July was the hottest month ever recorded in the lower 48 states. Climate scientist Jake Crouch of NOAA’s National Climatic Data Center was standing up straight when he said, “It’s a pretty significant increase over the last record.” In the past, skeptics of global warming have pointed to the Dust Bowl and the New York Giants victory in the Super Bowl to argue that the recent heat isn’t unprecedented.

But Crouch says the current year “is out and beyond those Dust Bowl years.” The average temperature in July was 77.6 degrees. That breaks the old record from July 1936 by 0.2 degree. Records go back to 1895, CDs to 1979 and 8-Track tapes to 1964, when the Beatles and Rolling Stones first sailed to America and landed on the Ed Sullivan Show.

The first seven months of 2012 were the warmest on record for the nation. And August 2011 through July this year was the warmest 12-month period on record. According to Kevin Trenberth, climate analysis chief of the National Center for Atmospheric Research, the record in July isn’t such a big deal. “But the fact that the first seven months of the year are the hottest on record is much more impressive from a climate standpoint, and highlights the fact that there is more than just natural variability playing a role: Global warming from human activities has reared its head in a way that can only be a major warning for the future.” In the words of Al Gore and Foreigner, “Urgent, urgent, emergency.”

As of this writing, 63 percent of the nation is experiencing drought conditions. 70 wildfires are burning in 13 states west of the Mississippi. Two million acres were scorched in July. Throughout the midwest, the massive heat has warmed lakes up to 80 degrees plus, causing massive fish n’ chips kills. If this is the new normal, then we’re all in trouble. Or as Whoopie Goldberg once told Billy Crystal, “Normal is nothing more than a cycle on the washing machine.”

We’ll end this subject with a thought from Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who took a moment to blast some colleagues and climate change contrarians.

“The seriousness of this problem is not lost on your average American. A large majority of people finally believe climate change is real, and that it is the cause of extreme weather. Yet despite having overwhelming evidence and public opinion on our side, deniers still exist, fueled and funded by dirty energy profits.

“These people aren’t just on the other side of this debate. They’re on the other side of reality. And don’t get me started on Mitt Romney and his tax returns.”

For today’s photo fondue, we are returning to the skies of the Garden Isle. Because of the Patriot Act, I decided to photograph each morning’s sunrise on Anahola Bay. What we are looking at are the peak moments from Tuesday through Monday, with Thursday taking the day off. Things really got interesting on Friday (photo #3), when the clouds turned vivid orange and red in a display of the color that I had never seen in the islands, either at sunrise or dusk. It was world-class, all the way. Or as one local told me, “I’ve never seen a sunrise this vibrant. And you have such soft hands.”

On the to the late night. “Mitt Romney kept his selection of Ryan as his VP nominee secret for more than a week. You know how he was able to keep it secret? He had it hidden next to his tax returns. Ever since it was announced Sarah Palin will not be speaking at the Republican Convention, the Romney campaign has been flooded with thousands of texts and emails demanding that she be allowed to speak… all from President Obama.” –Jay Leno

“During the announcement, Mitt Romney said that he and Paul Ryan are ‘America’s Comeback Team.’ You know, as in ‘come back in four years and try again.'” –Jimmy Fallon “Romney and Ryan kind of look like a father and son in an ad for Super Cuts.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Paul Ryan’s plan is to cut government spending with his razor-sharp widow’s peak…You could open a can of beans with that.” –Jimmy Kimmel “It was a great Olympics – Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough to swallow – especially when they had to make all of our “We’re #1” T-shirts.” –Jimmy Fallon

Let’s end on a political note. According to NBC News, as of last Thursday, the spending on the 2012 presidential radio and TV ads has now surpassed the half billion mark. With $37 million spent just last week, the total is now $512 million. That’s about as much as was spent on the 2008 campaign, and it’s not even Labor Day.

The money goes to TV stations and the networks. Just in case you were wondering what other ways you could spend $500 million, you could feed 9.2 million malnourished children for 50 days, immunize 29 million children for life or provide clean water for 500 million children for 40 days. Instead, it’s just buying attack ads on TV stations. That’s obscene. Think anyone in America is hungry? Homeless? It’s disgraceful.

So on that happy thought, enjoy the warm days of August and remember this site is all about beauty and laughter. We’ll catch you showing everyone why you’re the only player in baseball, along with “Say Hey” Willie Mays, to have 3,000 hits, 1,200 RBI’s, 300 steals and 250 homers,. Aloha, mahalo and later, Derek Jeter fans.

Good morning and greetings, Supreme Court fans. Last week was a disastrous one for many Americans, as wildfires and flooding ravaged parts of the nation. The worst wildfire in Colorado state history raged away, with 60 mile per hour winds doubling the size of this “firestorm of epic proportions,” forcing frantic residents to evacuate their homes at a moment’s notice. This blazing inferno wiped out entire neighborhoods, taking with it precious memories and photographs that are irreplaceable.

Which leads to the question, if you only had a few minutes to grab what’s important, what would you take? For me it would be simple. My golden retriever, as much Johnny cash as I could stuff into my pockets and a certificate which states “In recognition for superior scholarship, the name of Geoffrey Dean Gilbert has been entered on the Deans List for the fall semester, 1971, for the College of Arts and Sciences at Syracuse University. Forty-one years later and my parents still think it’s a forgery.

If wildfires burning out of control weren’t enough, Tropical Storm Debby lashed into Florida like me swinging a whiffle ball bat, drenching parts of the Sunshine State with over 20 inches of rain and causing more flooding than a reunion show on Oprah. Debby’s rainfall also shut down Interstate 10 for a few days, which caused major havoc with traffic and fans of Stevie Winwood.

But the good news is that the drought is temporarily over in Florida, the bad news is that this was just the first tropical storm in 2012 to form in the Gulf of Mexico, and the NBA news is that LeBron James and the Miami Heat are not going to be satisfied with just one championship.

And speaking of Dwyane Wade, last week over 1,600 heat records fell across the country in a seven day period, with triple digit temperatures scorching the midwest and Great Plains. For me, when the heat index tops 115, I tend to get a little cranky, even when I’m chanting in a sweat lodge. I don’t want to say it was hot, but even Mitt Romney seemed cool.

And then to top it all off, last Thursday, the Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of almost all of Obamacare, which was President Obama’s greatest signature legislative achievement besides picking the Final Four teams in last year’s NCAA basketball tournament.

This was the Supreme Court’s most important decision since Bush versus Gore in 2000, which they screwed up worse than John Edwards’ decision to speed date while he was married. I would have paid good money to have seen Karl Rove’s face contorting in anger and disbelief when his handpicked Chief Justice John Roberts voted with the liberal bloc and upheld Obamacare, which is not to be confused with the Tea Party’s platform of Idontknow and Idontcare.

In a related story, Donald Trump is now demanding to see Justice Robert’s birth certificate.

These events give closure to the month of June, which like my hopes for another season of “The Firm” on NBC, are now history. Which brings us to July, and the thoughts of fireworks and color flow into my mind like sockeye salmon returning to the rivers of the Pacific Northwest.

So to honor Independence Day and the freedom I feel when shooting the breeze and the skyline, I thought we would start off the second half of 2012 with a blast from the recent past, and feature the top six moments of spectacular color and pageantry from the 2011-2012 sunrise and sunset season.

In my salute to “Fiddler on the Roof,” we’re going to line it up sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset. All the rises were shot on location at Its Beach and Lighthouse Point, while the sets took a bow at Natural Bridges State Beach. As a photographer and a spirit channeler, these were my favorite moments of the digital year, along with picturing myself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.

On to some late night. “Yesterday in New Hampshire, President Obama said Americans need someone who will wake up every single day and fight for their jobs. Then he said, ‘But until we find that guy, I’m still your best choice.'” –Jimmy Fallon “The latest rumor is that Mitt Romney’s running mate will be a white male from Ohio. Or as Romney refers to him, ‘a person of color.'” –Conan O’Brien

“A new survey found that only 31 percent of Americans would want to sit next to Mitt Romney on a flight. Romney was so upset, he was like, ‘I don’t understand. How would they get on my private jet?'” –Jimmy Fallon “Obama called Romney a pioneer of outsourcing jobs. A spokesperson for Romney said, ‘I dare him to come to India and say that to my face.'” –Conan O’Brien

“This week a woman in Florida got into trouble for groping a TSA agent while she was getting a pat-down. Or as the TSA put it, ‘The student has become the master.'” –Jimmy Fallon “The Supreme Court has decided not to fine broadcast networks for fleeting expletives or momentary nudity. It looks like ‘Wheel of Fortune’ is about to get a lot more interesting.” –Conan O’Brien

So that’s our first blast for July. Enjoy Independence Day and we’ll catch you watching the third season of ‘Louie” on FX. Aloha, mahalo and later, Louis C.K. fans.

Good morning and greetings, NBA playoff fans. That’s right, after a regular season schedule that was more compacted than my daughter’s makeup case, we have now entered the postseason. I don’t want to say that I’m excited, but I already have my clothes picked out for the “40 games in 40 nights.” And if you know me, you know that I dress for success. For NBA fans, the next six weeks are a stairway to hoops heaven. Or as Mark Twain once told me, “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.”

So when watching basketball, snacks invariably enter the playoff picture. And that leads me to today’s subject and predicate. In a story by today.com’s Jillian Eugenios, Pizza Hut’s Middle Eastern arm has taken crust-stuffing soaring to a new junk food height by adding cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets to their pizza crusts. I know what you’re thinking, “What, no fries or chocolate shakes?”

They’re called the “Crown Crust Cheese Burger” pizza and the “Crown Crust Chicken Filet” pizzas because of their shape, royalty and just pure audacity. Fortunately for Americans and their cardiologists, these cholesterol busters are only available in the Middle East and selected desert oasis.

This gorging, ground breaking event is similar to another pizza the company recently launched in England, which features a giant hot dog threaded through the crust along with tiny bits of the Beatle’s “Abbey Road” album. My thought is, who’s thinking up these concepts, what did his or her parents do to them as a child that sent them down this long and winding caloric road?

The Crown Crust, which is not to be confused with the Ford Crown Victoria, comes with either cheesburgers or chicken “gems” set outside the outside of the pie, which is in line with the separation of church and steak.

Pizza Hut Middle East announced the promotion last week on their Facebook page and in Mad magazine. Now here comes the best part. Their slogans were “Can’t decide on burger or pizza? Believe it or not you can have both!” A slice and a coronary. They referred to their pizza creations as the “gem of all pizzas,” and suggested that their customers can now “taste royalty.” Maybe you can’t be a king but you can have the cholesterol and clogged arteries of one.

This isn’t the first time that Pizza Hut Middle East has dabbled in unique culinary territory. The Crown Crust joins a pizza called the Cheesy Bites Remix on Pizza Hut Middle East menus, which is a regular pizza with cheesy pockets around the outside. What, just cheese? Forget about it. Now, if you fill those pockets with beef stroganoff, chicken pot pie or sweet and sour shrimp, now you’ve got me interested.

The Cheesy Bites Remix pockets were once only filled with mozzarella, cream cheese and miracles, but the remix variety offers “three times the fun,” which includes spicy Mexican seasoning, cream cheese and sesame, and mozzarella and parmesan. Who knew pizza could be this entertaining?

Well, Americans do, as business is booming, with 41% of Americans saying they eat pizza once a week compared to just 26% two years ago. I guess it’s all about eating, laughing and sharing a slice of life.

Fortunately for bedouins and their camels, the Crown Crust Pizza is just a limited time offering, and will come off the market as soon as there’s peace in the middle east. But the super chefs at Pizza Hut have been busy, offering cheese-stuffed crusts with cornflakes in Malaysia and a Fish Prawn King pizza, which comes topped with Alaskan Pollock fish fingers, King Prawns, Queen Latifah, mozzarella cheese, pineapple with a lime mayo sauce and a free goldfish.

But America is also doing its part in the world of bizarre fast food concoctions, with with Doritos Locos Tacos, Burger King’s bacon sundae and the infamous KFC Double Down, where the Colonel uses two pieces of juicy, boneless white meat chicken filets as bread. Throw in two slices of bacon, two slices of cheese and the Colonel’s Sauce and you’ve got something that’s finger lickin’ unbelievable. This baby is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun, paramedic or vegan healer.

Burger King has also rolled out a bacon ice cream sundae that is not quite what Michelle Obama had up her sleeves. That’s right, we’re talking an actual slice of kosher bacon on top of vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and caramel. That sound you hear is my arteries crying.

And not to be left out of the party, last year Denny’s rolled out a bacon maple sundae, while more recently, Jack in the Box added a bacon-flavored milkshake. The last sound you heard was my rabbi screaming.

Now let’s finish up by thinking outside the bun. Taco Bell’s newest item, Doritos Locos Tacos, which the company launched nationwide last Wednesday, has taco shells made out of Nacho Cheese Doritos. Yes, you read correctly. This could be the cure for the common meal and insanity.

This is Taco Bell’s biggest product launch in its 50-year history, as they plan to spend up to $75 million to advertise the new tacos, about three times more than it usually spends to promote new health food items. But hold on to your pacemakers, as there’s even more good news, as they will be introducing a Doritos Cool Ranch taco shell this fall. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to make a mad dash to the border right now.

For today’s photo escalade, we are featuring my favorite sunrise from the month of April. The year was 2009, the place was Steamer’s Lane, and as you can see from photo #1, this sunrise started strong. What made this morning even more interesting was that it was my brother Brad’s 50th birthday and the 15th for my Regents Scholar winning, UC Santa Barbara Honors Program bound son Jason. The early clouds were just fantabulous, and this sunrise, much like candidate Obama in 2008, came out of nowhere, as there hadn’t been any color or diamonds in the sky for months.

Let’s move on to some late night humor. “Today is 4/20. This is like national pot day. And people celebrate all over the world. Although, I must say, the Senate did not celebrate this by smoking joints, for two reasons. One, it would be against protocol. And two, it would mean passing something. “Newt Gingrich was campaigning at a zoo this week and he was bitten by a penguin. Newt Gingrich is always campaigning at zoos. Mitt Romney once did a photo op at a zoo. That was a big mistake, because he stood next to the chameleon, and he changed colors.” –Bill Maher

“One of the agents involved in the scandal was on Sarah Palin’s detail in 2008 when he was running for vice president. And he posted a picture on his Facebook — apparently he had a little crush on her — of him standing behind her kind of smirking and saying, ‘I’m checking her out.’ Which is more than you can say for the McCain campaign. “Of course Sarah Palin has to answer this. Today she said, you know what, people are always checking me out. She said, ‘I can’t count the number of times when I’m walking away, and I hear someone say, ‘What an ass.'” –Bill Maher

“One of the Secret Service agents had this woman, and the deal was $300 and he gave her $30. I’m thinking, now wait a minute. I’ve got no problem with a guy trying to save taxpayer dollars. These are jobs that should’ve gone to American hookers.” –David Letterman “Congress is expanding its probe into the Secret Service scandal. Congressmen want to know how this could happen, who was responsible, and do those ladies take Discover cards.” –Conan O’Brien

“Newt Gingrich’s campaign is something like $5 million in debt. He is now so broke he’s no longer attacking the poor because he is one.” –Jay Leno “Newt Gingrich still receiving Secret Service protection. What are they protecting him from? Reality?” –Bill Maher

“Yesterday Mitt Romney won all five of the primaries. Apparently when you buy four primaries, you get the fifth for free. Yesterday the Dalai Lama said he likes George W. Bush as a person, but not as a president. When asked for comment, Bush said, ‘I love him as a Dalai, but not as a Lama.'” –Conan O’Brien

So that’s our last gasp for April. Despite the devastating loss of Chicago’s Derrick Rose, enjoy the first round of the NBA playoffs and we’ll catch you being the top sixth man in the league. Aloha, mahalo and later, James Harden fans.